So my boyfriend and I had a rocky past. For the last 2 1/2 years we were on & off but never fulllly serious. So he always talked to girls and flirted and did all that. As did I when I was single single. During those times I found out cuz I would look through his phone. We eventually ended it for good and then a few months later he started to get his act right and we started to date officially and have been very committed for a year. I mean everything, meeting family, trips, he’s shown a lot that he’s changed in those aspects. My only boundary I asked from him was that when it came to social media, I didn’t want him liking pics of girls half naked or going on a follow spree of girls. I never cared about celebrities and I only refer this to girls i don’t like who don’t respect me/our relationship or friends of his that post bikini pics. That’s all lol. Social media was a huge thing for us because I would find everything out and so he told me he feels trapped like he can’t like anything and I know his every move. He’s afraid of leaving his phone with me cuz he feels I’ll look at his texts with his friends and everything and get mad at even a comment he makes. I had major trust issues going into this because of the past and eventually hit a point where I do trust him, but sometimes I have fears and insecurities and get that urge to look at his ig or his phone. He gets really upset if I violate his privacy and I get that, which is why I haven’t done in a long time but sometimes I’m like ok I have to just see. And I saw that he snapped a girl I hated, he just asked what bar it was and to him anything he says to other ppl is innocent and I get that and believe it but he doesn’t understand how those specific women work and why i feel it’s disrespectful. I mean he never asked me to but I deleted almost everyone I’ve even kissed. I don’t remember in the moment but I thought I saw a girl he snapped who has a premium Snapchat or something because in the messages she sent her PayPal from 2 years ago but she was in his recents snaps. I didn’t ask about that because we already had a huge conversation and now I’m really bothered by it but I’m usually wrong when I ask him anything so I’m afraid to bring it up. I am really bothered by that but I also know that he wouldn’t jeopardize our relationship. He shows me off all the time and he’s always showing how committed he is to me and I do believe that but still this weirdly makes me feel like when he’s alone he just looks at girls and does small things that aren’t break up worthy but enough to make him feel “free”. I mean dude I give him so much freedom so it fucking sucks that me having moments of insecurity and ONE boundary bounces back to me being an intrusive stalker girlfriend. I hadn’t went through his phone since February and I don’t ever want to do it like that again. I had a moment of weakness and I did see something I didn’t like, asked him and we did kind of just let it go but it turned into him telling me he feels like he can’t do nothing without me finding out even if it’s something as innocent as a like or a text to his friend saying a girl is cute or something. Like dude ur fucking human stfu I don’t care, I talk about guys with my friends. Just don’t act on it? And I know he wouldn’t so it’s like because of one thing he adds more shit to it and feels like I am trying to control him. And he WONT LISTEN TO ME and says I’m the problem cuz I have went through his phone. It sucks when we don’t see eye to eye on this. Everything else we can work through but this always becomes a huge thing cuz we don’t see eye to eye on it.

Relationship OCD

Pepperonimuf...

Date posted: 4y

Everyone’s boundary is different . I don’t really care if my bf talks to another girl as long as it’s not sexual or with intent to cheat on me . I’ve talked to so many people online and downloaded apps to find friends . I used to worry about the liking pictures thing and following . But I just don’t care anymore . Because my bf is dating me and not them, and I think it’s ok if he finds other attractive because I do too. Have you ever gone to therapy to work on trust issues , it might do you wonders because I bet this takes a toll on you worrying about what he is doing online all the time.

Pepperonimuf...

Date posted: 4y

Also I wanted to add that if you don’t feel he is reciprocating your needs which to me it sounds like he is trying then you can end it. I think how relationships should work is that they build . I’ll give you an example , so in the beginningish of my relationship I had a close guy friend and this is not someone I’ve ever met in real life but have talked to him since 2016. About everything, it’s never been sexual or romantic of that nature . I treated him like a girl friend , however I used to hide it from my boyfriend because i was in a previous toxic relationship when I was a teen were the guy looked through my phone CONSTANTLY, and he considered porn cheating which was beyond me. And I couldn’t wear certain things or even joke sexually which is my sense of humor. So I finally confessed to my bf that this is my guy friend I’ve had since 2016. And I’ve texted/talked to guys about my anxiety too trying to relate to them and even had bumble BFF for friends. I am fully open with my bf now about everything . And I’m not saying you having boundaries online with him is bad , however if he wants to cheat on you he will . It’s easy to text someone and meet up etc etc . In my opinion your bf is really trying .

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

I also ended the fight with saying do whatever u want, like what u want, follow who u want Idc. Because I was just so over that shit. The fact that it’s so important for him to have his own life on fucking Instagram that he says he doesn’t care about. He says he’s careful with what he likes like welcome to a relationship buddy? Everyone is different. He listed off all his friends who like girls pics who have cheated on their s/o like dude lol u can like pics. But the minute ur sending profiles and dm’ing them it’s an issue and if ur not doing that then calm down!?!?! You’re literally making this more than it is based of MY BOUNDARY. Even if its ridiculous to you, it’s not to me. Just like in my opinion I don’t think me going on his phone is the end of the world but to him, it is. Sorry I’m venting and I just have no one, no friends. He’s my only friend.

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