I don’t know if anyone else experiences this with HOCD but whenever they see a good looking/attractive person of the same sex, they get heart palpitations and nervousness. Now to me, that just screams that you’re overly attracted to the person, you see them as a heartthrob and is a big trigger of mine.

If I'm being completely honest... It's the only thing that takes my anxiety away. I don't enjoy it. I hate myself for feeling like I'm stuck with only men for the rest of my life. I truly wish it seemed like a fun experience. I wrote my girlfriend a long winded text message telling her I'm gay then cut it and pasted it to my notepad. I feel like this isn't HOCD and I'm just using HOCD as a cover for not wanting to come out and devote my life to the gay lifestyle. I wish I still found women attractive. The way I look at every man is how I feel heterosexual men look at women. This can't be OCD.

I used to have all these thoughts! I miss having them. Because now I’m just fed up and tired i don’t even care anymore I’m just done. I don’t even know what’s depressing me anymore, is it because this isn’t me or is it because I’m suppressing myself. I keep finding times in my past that could be looked at as signs of being gay but in the moment they didn’t bother me or if they did they wouldn’t for very long. I was so happy, content and confident before all this and it’s just taken it all away.

I get this all the time. It’s actually started to die down but my brain is still telling me I’m attracted to them. And it keeps giving me thoughts about male porn stars and trying to tell me that because I’ve watched them and noticed their attractiveness that I want to be with them. But I had never ever even contemplated being with a man before I always was attracted to, and fancied women. I still do but it just seems all messed up and foggy now. I can’t see myself marrying my partner anymore when that’s all I used to think about. It hurts that it’s been taken away From me

I feel like coming out is the only way through this...and it sucks.

I heard on a Chrissie Hodges (probably butchered name) that EMDR is a great thing to incorporate once you get your OCD under control because this whole process could be traumatizing