I think I need to leave my boyfriend and just come out and accept it. I’m heartbroken. I’m so depressed. I’m week 3 into medication and it’s just not making me feel better, maybe it’s made me realise even more so that I am just in denial.

Thank you for responding, I appreciate it, it’s reassuring to hear I’m not alone

@milliemoo I pose this question because I ask myself it often...and I apologize if it's triggering. But what if your partner was open to you being able to explore that side of yourself?

@Sparker1289 I don’t know if he would be, it’d probably feel like a relief at first but then I’m so scared I’d realise I want that after all

@Sparker1289 Did your girlfriend let you?

@milliemoo Lol! Definitely not. I cheated on her because I thought we were on a break and she said "you need to explore" but I misconstrued that...I blame nobody but myself. I attempted to hook up with a transgender and the whole time I knew it was a mistake but I couldn't get myself out of it. It didn't work out, fortunately/unfortunately and immediately after I realized how much I loved my girlfriend but then I was overwhelmed with my need to confess to her. So I did and God bless this woman for putting up with me 5 months later. We are obviously headed to couples counseling soon. And it didn't get rid of the thoughts/ feelings just gave me more guilt/shame.

@Sparker1289 I’m sorry you went through that I have been with women before which makes this more confusing for me because I think I wanted to and I think I liked it at the time but then felt uncomfortable afterwards This has been a fear since I was 17 so I’ve always had problems anyway when it comes to the bedroom (sorry for tmi) so it just feeds the fear

My therapist says this all the time... “you want to leave her to avoid some future pain that may or may not come true; it is and always will be their choice to stay, if they want to.”

@mtaylor25 Thank you

I don’t know what’s false or real. I don’t even know if it’s ocd any more. I don’t desire to be with anyone else at all. It’s just hard:/ Thank you for the reply, its just hard sometimes to tell the difference between what’s false or not

@milliemoo I understand it’s hard but it’s not always like that. I know for a fact I never have had the desire to be with a woman , nothing about a woman is sexually attractive to me therefore I don’t act on ocd thoughts. This helps me know which thoughts are real and which are ocd. If anxiety and ocd is too high you surely shouldn’t make a choice meaning don’t leave your boyfriend either. If your ocd comes back down and you realize you still want him he might not want to take you back (rightfully so) and may not believe you later if you go back and forth you know. You got this, you’re strong, only you know what you desire, even with ocd you can be happy !

@milliemoo I’m not a therapist this is just what I’ve learned ! So take my advice how you want

@Justmesadly Thank you :)

Not at all, it’s easy to make mistakes with this, don’t worry