I've been really struggling with religious ocd for ages now and I feel so crippled by this one thought I keep having. Usually I think of a bad situation for no reason and then I have to ruminate in my mind if I would rather that bad thing happen and go to heaven or would I rather it not happen and not not to heaven and my brain came up with would I rather die right now and not go to heaven or give away my life to live so basically I can't win. I already doubt i don't believe enough so it's latching onto that. I'm in constant fear that I gave away my soul and I don't know how to stop that fear.

Hey everyone please help me I am suffering from religious ocd and it is so severe I am also suffering from death fear and this fear making my ocd worse I cannot explain which type of thoughts I am suffering I cannot sleep at night due to fear to go to hell. And this is making my days even more worse I started cry all day cannot do home chores due to fear irrational fears has been generated and my mind force me to say bad words about prestigious figures which I cannot imagine even then I start weeping and asking forgiveness to God and started to say I am not doing then feelings become more worse and all stuff become trigger I don't know i am doing it by self or not? Need help I cannot sleep even in day please save me.

So about 2 years ago I gave my life to Jesus. I've always been a "Christian" but never truly lived liked one. Honestly never truly felt love for them until 2 years ago. It was the best couple months of my life!!! I felt so happy and loved and unstoppable! I thought this fire for God & Jesus will never burn out. One day I had a thought about is God real? It bothered me so bad and I went into a massive spiral. Doubting everything. My faith. if I was good enough. Am I really saved? Do I have enough faith? Is my doubt real? Is it too much? Have these blasphemous made God not want me anymore? Or Jesus? :( But I knew I was and that they were real! I know I've heard them. Then I started having horrible blasphemous thoughts but then it would go back to doubting thoughts then back to the blasphemous ones. I hated the thoughts and doubts. The thoughts are so mean towards God, Jesus & HS. It’s anywhere from evil thoughts to cussing thoughts to rejection thoughts/denying. Demonic thoughts. Literally anything bad you could think of! Even thoughts of if I really love them or wanna follow them. I learned about OCD from what I've looked up but I've been dealing with this for about 2 years now. It's hard. I doubt if it’s OCD. Definitely feel like I'm trapped or my faith isn't the same. Which makes me sad because I want my faith! I feel like I've gotten lazy and honestly that I don't deserve them or am "too far gone" from them. I feel like idk how to be a Christian or how to have faith or just exist tbh. I wanna love God & Jesus! I want faith! I just feel kinda stuck. Has anyone gone through this or has advice or tips?

My religious OCD is having a field day with Christianity. I grew up Catholic, although we were the type of family who only really went to church on holidays. It was just a knowing of our belief in Jesus, and trying to live morally good lives. Knowing that Jesus died for our sins. Then my OCD latched onto the idea of “willful sinning”, knowing something is a sin but doing it anyway. I am not a saint. I swear, I engage in sexual activity, I tell white lies occasionally, drink alcohol occasionally…. Much less than the typical person. I know these things are sins according to the bible. I feel like I do decently well and am a decently good person. But my OCD has decided that because I don’t 100% align with the teachings of the bible, I must be going to Hell. The worst part is I don’t even entirely feel guilty, which makes me feel like I’m just truly evil and want these things. No amount of reassurance feels like enough, it feels like unless God told me directly himself that I’ll never be able to let this go. I’m getting frustrated with religion, and with myself. It feels like no answer is right. You would think the fear would drive me into being a perfect person, but its not, and what OCD deems as “perfect” feels impossible to attain. What am I supposed to do? How can you feel peace with God, while you’re also supposed to fear Him? I feel like I’m not good enough for Him, and never will be.