I hate when I see pictures of kids in bikinis or clothes coming off their shoulder or anything like that.. and i get intrusive thoughts.. then I read people saying If your looking at a kid that way your creepy..but I don't want too I wish it would stop :(

I’m a csa survivor which made me develop hypersexuality while actually being a asexual individual. (Where I did CP and talked to groomers and sexted, ect ect) A few months ago I’ve started to heal, but the fact that I’ve seen so many private parts since I was idk, young? I imagine them everywhere, it’s really frustrating and sometimes I also get intrusive thoughts about other kids or my siblings. It’s deeply distributing but I also kind of think of it from a curious kind of aspect which I despise too. Honestly I have a hard time with any kid in underwear, my intrusive thoughts have been ALOT the last months and they’re really really overwhelming. I also easily go into overanalysing them or even trying to figure out more clearer the thoughts to “test myself”. I think, I hope. Idk it’s scary

Idk anymore it feels like being on here is a trigger. Every time I see a minor post on the app, my intrusive thoughts go haywire and then my brain says maybe you should comment something inappropriate and i literally don't wanna fucking do that. It's the last thing I want to do. And now im scared that I commented something crude on someone's post. obviously, when I went to check there was nothing now my brain is saying "you commented and then deleted". I want to think it's something I wouldn't do, but why are the images in my head so real. Children should be safe. I feel like I need to be locked away. Someone please help me.

Why are things so real the first time they’re in my mind and then when I think about it later it’s easier for me to be like wtf?? I was watching a movie earlier and the young girl had developed more in the chest area than the last movie and I felt the desire to check her out so I did. Then later I let myself imagine her having sex and I liked it. But now looking back I’m like ew. The boys in the movie have also developed as the movie went on and I couldn’t help but think that in their real life they’ve probably woken up to boners and s*men and stuff. And looking back it’s just ugh. Idk if it’s sexual relevance but I genuinely let myself indulge in these thoughts and groinal responses and I remember thinking to myself I don’t want to be attracted to little kids and how do I stop myself (everyone has attractive qualities so in younger boys I see man like qualities). Idk I need help. I wouldn’t type this out if I truly believe I was messed up but I’m still scared