I'm honestly going crazy. My brain will not stop. I'm even ruminating over if I can stop ruminating or not. I don't know how it's got this bad but I don't have therapy until next Thursday and I need advice on how to keep sane until then

I'm really frustrated right now because once again I feel like I can't keep up with my own brain and I just can't keep doing this. I'm so tired of doing this. My head is always going and going and going and I just want to unplug it. It makes me so stressed. It's like I have someone else in my head who won't shut up and is always pointing everything I do out. Like I'm walking on eggshells around myself so I don't trigger these thoughts. But if I walk on egg shells then it just goes on about something else and I feel like I'm going crazy.. I feel so bad because it makes me so snappy. I want to bash my head in because I'm so over it. The only thing I know that helps is anxiety meds, because I had one one time and it actually really helped me (it didn't even do it's job! Because of how bad my anxiety is!! I'm just so desperate at this point for relief) But the last time I brought up going on meds for anxiety with my mom she said I'll get addicted, like my dad, or my grandma, or whoever else in my family because everyone in my family is addicted to SOMETHING. I don't see the issue in trying though. I feel like I'm someone who could really benefit from anxiety meds. I don't talk about my feelings often BECAUSE of anxiety, so it seems like I'm just trying to go on meds for no reason. But it's like..my body hurts. All the time. And my brain never stops. My brain is so messed up. I feel like I could do so much more if I wasn't like this. It's never going away, I've tried and I've tried and I'm still a mess. I just want it to stop. I'm not asking for much. I just want the fear to stop and the intrusive thoughts to stop and the racing thoughts and the feelings of doom and the nervousness and and I actually want to feel okay in my own skin for fucking once. I've tried everything nothing works im losing patience and I'm losing hope. I feel like there's something wrong with me. I feel like my brain is broken and that makes me sad to be honest. I feel like everyone around me can work. Why can't my stupid brain work???? I try so hard. I try so hard all the time. And it still doesn't do what it needs to do. I hate myself so much.

my ocd has severely flared up the past 2 weeks while I’ve been on spring break, probably because I’ve had nothing to do and I’ve been bored and boredom is a big trigger for my ocd/anxiety. I usually go every other week for therapy but the past two weeks I feel so lost and confused on my own and feel like I need to go every week but my therapist is booked and can’t get me in until 2 more weeks. My ocd hasn’t been this bad in years, and it’s been so isolating and I feel so alone at home with my thoughts. Every 2-3 days my obsession changes, first it was health ocd after I got really bad allergies I convinced myself I was dying. After that it was harm ocd and I feared I would hurt myself, then it changed to me fearing harming others and I’ve felt scared to be around others even family. I’ve stayed up sobbing because I’ve felt so bad, so terrible. My therapist told me even though she can’t get me in, that if I really need to come in I should call her office and see if she has anything, but I feel like that would be pointless since she quite literally is booked- I’ve been clinging onto the few things I have from my last 2 therapy sessions but feel like it’s not enough. does anyone have any techniques to deal with specifically harm OCD that I can use for the next two weeks?

I have really started to take control of my compulsions and im starting to string together better days! Still not great days or even good, but they are better!!! I have controlled my outward compulsions (googling, research, reassurance, checking) the past couple of days and felt the positive impact of that. But unfortunately, I am realizing that the rumination is still constant. My sexuality and relationship are the only two things constantly on my brain, and if they aren’t I freak out and wonder why im not thinking about them! Anyone have any advice on how to deal with the rumination. Sometimes I don’t even notice im doing it, but it’s taking up 90% of my day. Once I start to tackle this I think I may make some real big progress! Hope everyone is fighting today! ❤️