Is giving in an option cause i am going through what feels like the worst..When said to other people that u are in denial they are affected and anxious but if someone says that to me i am more calm than anxious and I don’t pay attention but the problem is if I don’t pay attention and that could strongly just mean that i have just been in denial all this while and not accepting stuff?!? And all the past compulsions were a lie and ig i forced it or what?!? Some people come out late in life like in their late twenties what if all this today could lead to that.. I don’t understand these thoughts have started to feel too real to not give in to them… i am tired of seeking reassurance cause does that actually do something or do I actually even want to cause it feels so real like i like them and i want to indulge in these stuff …. What do i do.. i am so close to giving up

Its crazy how I question everything have thoughts about any and everything i think of myself in positions and i am like would it be that bad? No you might even like it and i am like if that thought comes that could mean something because people without hocd would be like no I wouldn’t and i am like what now?!?

@Brave through I’m at this stage to. But I just want to cry I hate it. I just feel anxious but I’m not so sure why at the moment!

@BradOCD I don’t know where to go from here cause I don’t even trust hocd anymore and if i think of it all day eveyday and the thoughts feel so natural and I can’t convince my ownself that no its just hocd cause i question it how am I supposed to say that to my therapist cause at the end of the day it is i who needs to change it and now i think do i even want to cause if i am calm about these thoughts tht could just mean something and earlier i cried when i had these thoughts now its like okay i had them they are okay and i am okay with them might even like them give into them and not feel anxious and then say that i fake the anxiousness cause i am running away from stuff and that too without therapy which would mean something?!?

@Brave through All I can say is that I feel exactly the same! May I ask how old you are? I wish I could give you some answers but I can’t unfortunately. All I think is if this was a coming out process then it was awfully traumatic and I don’t know what we did to deserve this

@BradOCD I am 19. And i have had this for 2 years now which is tough. All this brutual on me and my mind. I wish to get out of this.. cause idk what to do its feels to real now

I do get all this. But just the concept of not acting on my feelings seems to not make sense? I’ve always acted on my thoughts and feelings so am I just in denial

I understand what you’re saying.. but its like I can’t stop thinking these thoughts are just always there and they are just sitting and coming up to me.. and one question that always stays with ne is why do i notice so much there is something behind that cause a person would think about it but not notice so much then why do i because i think that’s how you start the process of coming out ig idk?!? And why do these thoughts feel so natural and real are they?!?

@BradOCD Exactly like what if one day i act on them and they feel right to me what then?!? So then i was living a lie all this while.. am i just not acting on them cause i am scared of the fact that all of this might be true and thats just denial?!? What is one even supposed to do?!

I genuinely do thank you for explaining this and yes it does make sense but its like nothing said to me makes any difference to my situation i am just always questioning stuff asking stuff earlier knowing that i have hocd was comforting but now I question that entire thing all together i hope i get better

@Brave through Are you in ERP therapy with an OCD specialist?

@Sparker1289 No i live in india and we don’t have specialised erp therapist available so easily. It’s something that is not so well known and people don’t know much about it which makes it difficult to find a good therapist

@Brave through I really want you to recognize that when your OCD goes untamed the thoughts can seem so real. I would literally look at bushes and say "perfect place to hide a body" I would SMELL places and it would give me a sense of wanting to kill someone and hide them there.... It was SO REAL that I couldn't imagine NOT being a serial killer for the time this was happening. I cried often because I was convinced there was no other way. Luckily it WAS killing someone so I knew that my thoughts were wrong, its hard to do with SO-OCD because really, there's nothing wrong with it. And I believe you need to accept that, hoping that it takes some fear out of it. It is uncertain to me moving forward if I will ever kill someone, one day I might just snap and do it. I CANT BE CERTAIN. I have had dreams about killing someone and trying to find a place to hide the body but it's easy for me not to pay any mind to these dreams now...who knows what the future holds. You need to find a way to take the fear out of these thoughts and feelings you're having and be able to live with the uncertainty of it all. It takes a lot of effort and probably a lot of time but once you can come to terms with the fact that you're not broken and it's ok to have a thought, sit with it, and let it go. I believe you will begin to find peace with yourself. I will be the first to say that I am not a 0 on the Kinsey scale...and I'm alright with that. I'm definitely not a 6 though and the love I have for my girlfriend is very much real. I just have never dealt with my anxiety or OCD in a healthy professional way and now I'm putting in the work to give myself the tools to manage myself

@Brave through I am sorry that you don't have access to proper help. And again, I'm no expert so take what I say with a grain of salt. I'm just someone like you who is learning to manage my OCD and when I type these things I'm mostly talking to myself in hopes that my own thought process resonates with others. You are loved!

@Sparker1289 I am really thankful for your words it does help me believe that there’s hope and i am not alone and i can get better its just that its hard it’s torturous and its very very difficult…

@Sparker1289 Thankyou i hope nothing but the best for all of us.

@Brave through Believe me, this is extremely hard. But, I believe if you can find a way to navigate this in a healthy way and learn to manage your OCD and anxiety, you will come out of this a much stronger person than who you were before it started. I believe in you.

@Sparker1289 Hey man how have you been getting on?

@BradOCD I'm feeling better. Far from cured but I'm devoting my time to my therapy and ERP homework. The girlfriend and I have therapy tomorrow for our first time together so I'm a bit anxious but I'm not going to think about it until the time comes. Trust me, far from cured but the ERP is helping me get out of my house and get on about my day. I too have the thoughts of breaking up with my girlfriend to save her heartache but I have to remember that I truly do love her and any relationship comes with uncertainty on how it's going to turn out. I would hope that you're able to lean into the relationship a bit more while also going to your ERP sessions and learning to live with thr uncertainty. You are loved brother.