TW : ANTIDEPRESSANT SIDE EFFECTS Question for everyone, i don't really think i'm a depressed person? i have OCD and sometimes it can be a few weeks where i'm afraid to socialize and all that but i can still eat and attend classes, same with anxiety, this antidepressant (Zoloft 50mg) i've taken it before and it worked and i felt great, i stopped it mid september and started again around October 27th? that little time slot where i wasn't taking it consistently i felt great too! From October 27th until now, I feel not like myself anymore? I don't want to eat 90% of the time, i have difficulty staying asleep and i'm having really bad suicidal thoughts to the point where i don't want to be alone cause i'm genuinely afraid i'll do something. I'm not a suicidal person, im petrified of death, i have contamination OCD, if i think something is filled with germs / could possibly harm me i don't take it. My mom thinks I actually want these thoughts but I don't. I have to keep taking it until I see my doctor on monday but both experiences i've had with antidepressants have sucked now, and I just don't want to take them anymore. There are moments where it feels like i can "break free" from the fog and feel the urge to eat or call a friend to hang out or even participate in normal activities and then it just immediately gets blocked. What do you guys recommend I do? ://

i just quit altogether, and i was fine up until i restarted the medicine, i got more anxious and then the thoughts came, they petrify me and i hate having them, I cry when i find out my mom has to go somewhere and i'm left alone, looking at our pill bottles (which 2 weeks ago didn't bother me) scare me, and i get the urge to take them or my brain is like "drink the bleach" "swallow the pills" but then i get anxiety about going out in public cause covid cause i don't want to get sick??? it's so weird. My mom thinks i'm mental and wants to send me to a psych ward.

@Lex When you restarted it did you start a high dose immediately?

@Isabella no, i restarted on my original dose...

@Lex Oh okay, I would speak to your doctor about stopping your medication if that’s what you want to do. Are you in treatment for ocd (erp) ?

@Isabella no, it's expensive / out of my budget :[ i got my official evaluation from this app though

@Isabella i don't think these are just intrusive thoughts,, i think im having worsening depression symptoms because of the medicine, i talk to my primary doctor tomorrow, i can't even enjoy stuff like I usually do.... it's hard to eat and keep food down, i hate it.

@Lex https://youtu.be/cv5ZkxYE_gg Here’s a vid that helps explain suicidal ideation vs suicide ocd. It might help if it’s actually ocd. If it’s worsening depression though you should talk to your doctor about stopping or switching medications. Sorry you feel this way, hope your in a better place soon.

@Isabella Thank you, i think i'll skip the video for now, im in somewhat of a calm place so,, i wanna take advantage of it.