Im interested in this guy who's 18 and he's 19 in December and I'm 19, 20 in December. I keep worrying this makes me a creep or a p***. I'd be 20 when he's 18 for like 20 days since my birthday is before his.

So, my main thing is that I've been worried about being attracted to and enjoying NSFW stuff of fictional characters. Specifically characters with unknown ages, possibilities of being a minor, an adult in high school, a character who ages up/becomes 18, and then young adult characters who are 18-25. I just wonder if it's pedophilic, creepy, morally wrong to like these characters? And if it'd be weird as I age to continue liking them in those ways or new characters? Like, some examples. I'm attracted to Mark from the show Invincible. But he's 17-19 in each season. I didn't like him in season 1, but when season 2 came out I realized I started feeling attracted to him. But I'm also afraid I will feel that attraction when seeing s1 of him at 17 and stuff. But anyways, I just worry that if I'm like 23+ if it'd be wrong to continue being sexually/romantically attracted to him and fantasizing about him since he's 18/19? Then, I like Genshin Impact and Honkai Star Rail characters. And most of them don't have canon ages. All you got is looks and maybe some in game context. Some characters have age ranges of like 15-20, 16-18, etc. Or are adults but people say they look like kids. And I am attracted to/like NSFW stuff of some characters like that. I worry that it's wrong to do so, since they could be underaged and might very likely be so? And there's also an anime I watch where a character is 18 but still in high school, and I am definitely attracted to him. I have also been attracted to, fantasized, liked nsfw content of characters who are at first minors but then become 18 or age up to much older. That worries me a lot too because I'm afraid I'll see the underage version (especially if they look more or less the same) and feel attracted or find something sexualizing them and like it/not know. I'm asking this about fictional characters from any media too. So like, video games, anime, manga, etc. I do worry a lot about video games, like more realistic ones. Because they're based off real face models. And voice actors and stuff. Like, I worry if I were older and still attracted to or liking nsfw stuff of a video game character who is like 18 or just turned 18, or has a young voice actor idk that it'd be creepy? I just don't know if it's pedophilic and weird, especially if I was like 21/22+ or way older than these characters and supposed age ranges and still liking them in these ways or being introduced to new characters in these scenarios and feeling sexual/romantic attraction and having fantasies or liking nsfw. Because I think about it in real life, and like, it would be weird to be attracted to/sexually fantasize about someone whose age you don't know, who could very likely be a minor, who is 18/19 but in high school, or you knew them as a teen/kid and watched them grow up, or once they turn 18 you sexualize them (because I have done that with fictional characters), or are just much younger than you in general, right?

I'm so confused on what's appropriate and not "pedo" "groomer" "gross" when it comes to age gaps. I'm also unsure if age gaps are inherently weird and wrong. People will say 2-5 year age gaps are so weird and disgusting, that the older is much more mature than the younger. Especially with 18-21-year-olds. But I don't see that at all?? 18-23 blur together for me, and I also think once you're 18, your peers are basically 3-5 years. Like, y'all are basically the same and everything. I see my older brother and his friends, and they all range 18-25, even up to thirties with older guys form our church. None of them seem out of place and seem to be equal levels of maturity and peers, especially the younger ones. But then people will also mention how my brother is "older" (he's one the oldest in the young adult friend group at 23) but he's only a year or two older than them?? Anyways, I just turned 18 and by bff is about to turn 19. I also don't think it'd be weird for my brothers or any of their friends to date her at all (not that they want to, I'm just saying if they did) When it comes to bigger age gaps, I also think that sometimes it's just two people who love each other, y'know? When I see age gaps, I usually don't pay much attention to it, especially if they seem happy. I just think, good for them. Even if the person is like 18/19. But on top of that, I feel like people freak out when someone like 3+ years finds younger people attractive and feels attracted, and y'know, views them sexually and everything. Like porn, sex, fantasies, etc. But again, I see up to 5 years as definitely peers. And even beyond that I see people as peers. My brother and his friends are young, but they are adults and I see them as peers to the older men they hang out with. But anyways, I think someone at any age being sexually/physically attracted to 18-25yos is fairly normal? They are adults and done with puberty unlike underaged teens. So, I don't find it wrong or odd for someone to be like 25+ and attracted to 18-21yos and also view them sexually or have casual sex. I try to find answers, and the most common thing I see is that above 2 years before 25 is extremely weird and too different, and how someone like 21/22+ dating an 18yo is a pedo and too mature. But then I also see occasionally some people not seeing these things as weird, even thinking that as long as two people are 18+ it doesn't matter. I find that I fit into that category more, not seeing it as weird and a problem if two people are adults. But am I am wrong? Is it disgusting? Pedo? Is more than 2 years "too much" and weird and predatory?

I made posts worrying about age gaps, and I continue to worry. But I'm thinking about just looking at what I believe and what I currently think is moral, and saying whatever to what anyone else says and thinks. About me or others. I think at 18 someone is an adult, and I don't care about age gaps past that. If you're 18+, it's whatever who you date and it's not wrong to be attracted/have sex with someone much younger as long as they are 18+. I worry my thinking is wrong especially because of how many people are against this mindset, but I can't find myself agreeing with them and when I look this up online many opinions vary on what age gaps are okay and what age you become an adult. So, I'm thinking about just saying screw it and not caring about it for myself and other people. If I'm 30 and am sexually/romantically attracted to an 18-year-old, whatever. If someone is 20 and dating a 50-year-old, whatever. Not wrong and not bad.