I’m so worried about offending people or hurting their feelings somehow. I feel the constant need to apologize to people for the smallest things, and if I feel like I did something rude I’ll think about it for a long time. I’ve been told I’m a people pleaser, and I really feel like it stems from this strong fear I have of bothering people, it’s really on my mind every day.

the past month ive been ruminating about a time last year where i hurt a friend by unintentionally bringing up a traumatic memory when i was really drunk, enough that i didnt remember it, so i went 6 months without apologizing until i was worried when they werent talking to me anymore. so they told me when i finally tried to talk to them. i apologized and they told me we were ok now, and still want me in their life, but now they stopped talking to me again and its been 3 weeks, and im terrified that i did something again, especially since they stopped talking to me when i made a mistake before, and wont tell me outright. the event triggered horrible horrible guilt over what i did, mostly guilt About the guilt i was feeling, because its not a normal amount of guilt for a regular person, and eventually my compulsions for confessing and ruminating reached a high point. and when they stopped talking to me again they got even worse . they are aware i suffer from ocd and anxiety to an extent (we've been friends since we were teenagers) so its hard for me to believe they wouldn't do this unless i did something wrong again, especially due to the events of my past mistake. lately ive been wondering, 'have they found out my abnormal reaction to what happened ?' 'did a friend who knows about it tell them?' ive been avoiding asking them if i did something wrong again, because i dont want to make it a habit since i can fall very deeply into that hole of asking for reassurance and i feel even regular reassurance, without the ocd, im the last person who deserves that right now. im scared they somehow found out about my compulsions (which isnt entirely irrational) and i feel the need to apologize to them again. ive been having panic attacks about this. i feel like no matter what i do i cant fix our friendship, and its going to end badly. i feel like a terrible friend, and im too mentally ill to have friendships. i don't know what to do.

I did post about this the other day, but I’m just genuinely worried like this happened many years ago and I can’t really remember exactly what I said, but I have a feeling like I said something really mean and I think I lashed out on a person like a stranger cause I don’t know I was probably going through something and I’m afraid that like it was so bad it caused them to hurt themselves and now I keep thinking like what if the police are secretly looking for me because the harm caused, even though I have no evidence of any of this, but even this Happened like a deca ago, it still haunts me like I really hope that the person is OK and I constantly like keep reviewing like their conversation over and over again like in my mind like I genuinely feel like a bad person maybe even a criminal 😃

It use to be so much worse but I notice I over share so bad, some examples are like whenever I’m in the store and I buy some random things and I’m checking out I always try to sneak in a reason for the stuff I’m buying so the cashier doesn’t think I’m weird even tho it’s probably regular stuff. Or if I think I said something wrong to someone I try to find a way to add in something to say to ensure they heard me correct. Most times this has worked other times it’s just me overthinking it. It’s so silly but annoying sometimes. I always over share things in case someone thinks I’m weird or something. Sometimes I even do it on here, if I think my post is confusing or someone could take it out of context, I’ll say something in the comments in case someone thinks I’m strange. It’s hard to kinda just let people think whatever, but my ocd seems to obsess a lot over what others are thinking. It sucks. I always have to know what they’re thinking and if I can’t I’ll try to get them to not think that way but I can’t help what anyone’s thinking about me.