Hi there, PRYM. Thank you so much for having the vulnerability to post on here! You really do pose a great question. I can see that that is very difficult and can be distressing. I definitely know that there are ways to gain closure with out contacting the other person. I have heard of people writing letters apologizing to the person, but never sending it. Have you brought this up with your therapist? I am sure they will have some great tips on this. You've got this!
Hi PRYM, that definitely is a rough feeling and I can certainly relate. Whether it’s the feeling of guilt or shame from a real event or stemming from OCD (false memory, etc…), that feeling in the pit of your stomach hurts. The first trying you have to do is forgive yourself, which I know may not be easy. I carry around some harsh memories and regrets that I have no possible way of reconciling and saying I’m sorry for and I know first hand, that can way heavily on you. I try to remind myself that no amount of regret will ever change the past, which I know seems like a cop out, but it’s true. If you made a mistake, you can learn from it and do your best to not repeat it again. The fact that you feel bad about it and would like to apologize and make it up to the person or persons, means that you are trying to do the right thing and be a good person, and that’s all anyone could ever ask of you. Best of luck and hang in there.