i wanna fucking scream and cry over my intrusive thoughts. it's incredibly disturbing and won't stop. i can't stop it. i can't not perform a compulsion(every though it only makes them worse, and i can't ignore it. i hate this. i hate myself. i just want to go to sleep without thinking about this please. i feel so sick and ashamed of myself. i'm genuinely so scared i'm gonna hurt someone. idk what to do anymore. i just want help.

does anyone else feel like their compulsion is also their intrusive thought? like my brain says "if you do *intrusive thought*, you wont deal with said intrusive thought again." i really need help because it deals with harm ocd and i really dont want to do anything bad. im so scared. i know it's lying, but it doesnt feel like it and i just feel so stressed and anxious.

i am so terrified i might hurt somebody. i have harm ocd, and lately, the things i do to make myself feel better (my compulsions) aren’t helping anymore and i don’t know what to do. i’m scared i have the urge to hurt somebody, specifically my family. i hate being in the same house as them out of fear i might want to one day grab something and kill them. i don’t. i would never dream of it. but i’m so terrified. i keep on posting about the same things, and i’m sorry, i just don’t know what else to do to make myself feel better. i know i’m supposed to sit with uncertainty, but it’s just so hard 🙁

i have been getting really gross intrusive thoughts. They have caused me to feel such intense guilt. It’s gone to the point I harmed myself and believe I deserve this harm. My parents had to hide all sharp objects from me so I don’t harm myself. I also have wanted to end my life due to the intensity and discomfort and disgust and repulsion these thoughts give me. I feel since I have these intrusive thoughts I do not deserve to live. I have been to a mental health emergency room and I felt better afterwards but it was temporary relief. I have been given medication for this (sleep since the intrusive thoughts and the fact that I have these intrusive thoughts keeps me awake unable to sleep, and pills for my OCD to potentially stop the intrusive thoughts and anxiety. But I was only given them last night so they will not work for a week or so). I don’t even feel comfortable saying the theme of them because I’m terrified of people thinking I am that and am so repulsed by the fact that still exists, I would never think anything like this out of my own will. If I heard anybody say the thoughts I have out loud , I would stay away from them, and be disgusted by them for saying it. I wouldn’t even vocalize these intrusive thoughts to a therapist because they would hate me which would be completely valid and understandable. I hate me too for thinking this. I don’t deserve to live. I live in constant guilt. I never got thought like this until these theme decided to ruin my fucking whole ass life. How do I remove these thoughts and guilt. I’m only a kid and I know I have a whole life ahead of me but I don’t deserve it for having these intrusive thoughts. I’ll get intrusive thoughts like wanting to harm somebody in a graphic way (WHICH I DO NOT WANT. I wouldn’t even get in a fight with somebody. I hate harming others.) these thoughts are 100% UNWANTED. They also developed at random. I was just scrolling on tiktok as one does then I got a super random intrusive thought. I fixated on it and obsessed over it and it caused worse and worse intrusive thoughts to come because of me fixating on it. I remember I had it once before (earleir I says I’ve never had thoughts like this untill the theme, the intrusive thought i had then was still bad and something I don’t think at all, but it was an extreme one) but I was able to acknowledge it was an intrusive thought and had nothing to do with me after freaking out for about a few hours. I don’t want to live with these thoughts. I don’t deserve the gift of life. I can’t stand up from guilt. I can’t eat on my own. I’ve tried everything. They’re constantly in my head. I DONT WANT THEM THERE. I DONT THINK LIKE THAT AT ALL. I am seeing a therapist on Thursday. They get so specific and disgusting. My compulsion is hitting myself in the head and screaming “no that’s gross ew”. As you can tell it harms me . But I think I deserve it. I can’t take any thing anyone says to me seriously because if they heard these intrusive thoughts all the pity would disappear.