I have days where I find it hard to fight my ocd, because of my past it takes it as proof that i am my fears.. I even did things I regret this year..last year I did things I really regret and through the years from ages 9-19...I feel I'm a messed up human being, like no matter how I fight these thoughts there "real" the urges are "real" but I don't want them to be real, I don't want to be my passed..I want to forget and be happy.

Thanks for sharing your current experience. I would say that you should be very proud of yourself for 1st noticing the anxiety, distress, and discomfort. This is a perfect time to as I like to say "practice" ERP. Practice not analyzing any of that and place your attention on this present moment. Go for a walk, read, go hangout with a close companion, or play a sport. Not avoiding the discomfort, but choosing to do things you want to do and not give any attention to dwelling.The most important part being the response prevention. Not easy, but part of the work. When this type of situation occurs and we are in environments in which we are organically exposed to distress, use this as an opportunity to practice doing the work! This allows for two things; showing yourself you can handle and tolerate it, and also letting your body know that although you feel uncomfortable you are willing to keep doing whatever it is you are doing and getting on with your day! This is the foundation!