- Date posted
- 3y
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
I feel like a really terrible person right now, I keep replaying this, and no matter what I canāt remember what happened, itās like my brain is purposely not letting me think about it. Without wasting any more time, Iāll get into it. Basically, I was at Walmart, and looking at cards with My Dad, I saw anime ones, took pictures of them for my sister, even ones that were anime kids, because I did my best to ignore it, so I looked at a Hunter x Hunter card, I stared at the black haired kid, being all like ā Iām glad Iām not having any thoughts about this, Iām glad Iām having normal thoughts and not thinking anythingā I felt happy, then as soon as I looked at killua (white haired kid), everything collapsed. I donāt know what happened, my brain wonāt let me remember. But Iāll give bits and pieces. I think that I had false attraction, and something in my head, said āoh, I wouldnāt mind being attracted.ā āHe is attractive, and Iām attracted to him.ā āI remember a girl thinking he is attractive and he isā ā Itās not wrong to be attractedā ā I donāt care about his ageā .. something along the lines of that, and now Iām panicking super hard, because Iām worried if I said those things, I feel like I ruined my life that Iām a pe//do and deserve nothing, idk what to do, I feel terrible⦠I remember when I was having the intrusive thoughts, I was panicking and was worrying, but it kept playing out, and I kept hearing things talk, it was drawn out too long, that now I feel convinced that I was saying those things, I tested it too, and I can confirm that I didnāt say that, but why am I still not convinced? I know I wouldnāt say those things, I was hoping the complete opposite would happen. My brain kept making me feel like it wasnāt wrong and it was okay. Maybe thatās why Iām so convinced I did that. Iām just spiraling super bad right now, I donāt know what to do or what to think, I donāt know if I said that or not⦠even if I did test it, I genuinely just feel like I said it, and I wanted it, because I still feel uncertain, I still feel like I said it, part of me just wants to be like oh I did and so I can move on, not because I agree with it, I just donāt know what else to do⦠Iām really scared.
- Date posted
- 14w
Why the hā¢ā¢ā¢ll did this happen to me? Seriously, I felt like a normal person yesterday, and now this morning, I feel like I am now a pā¢ā¢ā¢do. When I first woke up, I kept thinking about about the usual things about a kid, only this time it felt real. It was like I was into them sexually and because of that, my private parts growed. Even though I kept saying "no, no ,no" a lot, I felt was only talking to open air and it didn't feel like I meant it God, for the last couple of days, I truly felt normal for once, and against these thoughts. But now I know that I am a pā¢ā¢ā¢do and a piece of sā¢ā¢ā¢ā¢it for seeing kids that way. If I could go back before all of this happened, I fā¢ā¢ā¢ā¢cking would. Because I KNOW I was never like this before.
- Date posted
- 12w
Why are things so real the first time theyāre in my mind and then when I think about it later itās easier for me to be like wtf?? I was watching a movie earlier and the young girl had developed more in the chest area than the last movie and I felt the desire to check her out so I did. Then later I let myself imagine her having sex and I liked it. But now looking back Iām like ew. The boys in the movie have also developed as the movie went on and I couldnāt help but think that in their real life theyāve probably woken up to boners and s*men and stuff. And looking back itās just ugh. Idk if itās sexual relevance but I genuinely let myself indulge in these thoughts and groinal responses and I remember thinking to myself I donāt want to be attracted to little kids and how do I stop myself (everyone has attractive qualities so in younger boys I see man like qualities). Idk I need help. I wouldnāt type this out if I truly believe I was messed up but Iām still scared
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