Does anyone else have this weird feeling Ike their waiting for something as to happen. Like wrest I may have done something truly horrendous to someone, but that I just don’t remember. I’m scared all the time, it’s like I’m just waiting for the day someone will speak out and make some sort of accusation against me and that I’ll suddenly remember what I’ve done. I just feel like I’m just waiting for something to happen, I’m always on edge and analyzing my mind, terrified I may have done something truly despicable. I don’t know, I miss when each day just felt normal and I had things to look forward to and didn’t feel like I was hiding something from everyone I know.

Yes, I struggle with this a lot too.

Are you doing ERP? I seriously think that would help you a lot and make it easier to distinguish real from false memories...

I don’t sadly, I know I’ve done a lot of bad and gross things that I’ve confessed to my friends, mom, therapist and even the suicide prevention hotline. They all tell me that I’m not a monster and that I’ve learned and can be better, and my therapist said she’s obligated to report real crimes and that she doesn’t feel any worry from what I’ve done so that’s good, but it’s just that little “what if” I suppose, my brain twists memories to be far worse than what they actually were

That "what if" is a doozie... believe me I know all too well... But think of it this way, it's just a what if... you're not certain you did it... you have to trust in yourself to know if you had did something truly bad, you'd know it and it wouldn't even be a "what if" it would be certain... once you find that trust in yourself, it'll all be downhill from there

Thank you, I guess my false memories fall under being scared I may have touched someone inappropriately when I was younger or did even worse things. I really don’t remember anything or even thinking about this stuff or acting like that. So I’ll try to trust it’s just the OCD

@OCDHaver That's another thing about it, do you really believe you're capable of doing the "what if" that OCD is suggesting?

@JP2323 I sincerely hope not, it’s just since I have done gross things in the past and have seen gross stuff, I’m scared I am and that my brain is suppressing a memory. But I hear that’s incredibly common with OCD

@OCDHaver Ah I see what you're doing now... You're using something you did in your past and saying "if I'm capable of that I wonder what else I'm capable of" Bro listen to me, this is from the heart, no matter what you did in your past you can come back from it... the fact that you stress over the things you have done shows you've learned from your mistakes and realize you never want to make them again... you're a good person and will keep getting better... don't give up... you WILL win this battle and you'll be an even better person for it