Please help me my bf just broke up w me. Having a panic attacks bc it’s my fault. I pushed him away with my rocd and insecurities and idk what to do or how to make it better

I know this is probably not what you wanna hear but you should tell him about your OCD and how it made you feel.

What happened?

Yea you should tell him and have a serious chat

Tell him you have an anxiety disorder and that's the only way to tell him everything and to explain yourself

We have been together for two years and my dad is really sick with cancer in the hospital an hour away and he didn’t even answer me after he blew me off the day I was supposed to go see him so we have been weird the past couple of weeks and he never texts me back which makes me really insecure and I fixated on it I guess but I thought that anyone would even if the didn’t have rocd

I have but idk how to explain it well enough that he would understand in terms of a relationship I grew up in a really tough home and talking about stuff is really hard for me

Yeah it does sound weird but you should ask him what happened and why he broke up with you. For one it'll give you closure and two if it's because you can explain yourself to him.

He said it is because he feels like he can never do right by me basically

Do right what does that mean

Have you been very strict with him? Be honest

Yes I really have and by do right he means he doesn’t feel like he can make me happy I guess? Nothing really makes me happy lately but it’s not really his fault. I think I do make him feel that way sometimes because I get upset and I kind of take it out on him, especially when he didn’t show up to go see my dad with me. Maybe I should just let him go because I think maybe I am toxic. It’s almost bad I’m so comfortable with him because I let him see the worst sides of me and he kind of takes the brunt of it.

I really have been strict with him*

I have pretty bad abandonment issues so that definitely doesn’t help anything

Then you need to tell him like big time. You need to say as much detail as possible so that he can understand

I have a hard time talking about my feelings myself. I’d rather talk about someone else. But you need to “man up” for yourself and defend your right to be there for him

Sorry if I sound mean I don’t mean to be but I had a bad day. But I hope you realize that love isn’t obsessive It’s genuine and peaceful and not one sides for either of you

I have a few times, it’s just really hard for me to explain it in a way that other people can understand thats why I love this app. I can just say what I’m feeling and people seem to get exactly where I’m coming from. Explaining my thought process takes a lot of time and concentration, it’s just hard to say it in a way that others can understand?? Do u have any advice on that part maybe?

You don’t sound mean at all don’t worry!

Thank you! Why don’t you write it all out and read to him your feelings?

I have tried writing it but he says he doesn’t want to read it or like hear thoughts that aren’t genuine? Idk how to explain to him that the letter helps me say it. I guess maybe I haven’t fully tried to read my letter to him. How do I explain that writing a letter is how I can say what I think more calmly, in other words?