I woke up today terrified cause I didn’t feel connected to my body. I looked in the mirror and thought I was watching someone else and that was scary. Feeling depersonalized fueled my intrusive thoughts. Like “what if I’m going crazy”, “what if I have shifted personalities” or “what if I’m bipolar.” The fear of turning crazy also fueled the intrusive thoughts of me acting mentally crazed or like a child. These intrusive thoughts also tainted me into believing that everything I did was something a mentally crazed person would do. Now I have become more hyper aware of how I feel when I do simple things. This also fueled my OCD subtypes like harm/ suicidal because I think that if I’m not connected to my body then I have no control or might do irrational things. This feeling of not being connected to yourself is really scary and I hate the feeling. How do I get connected with myself again.

Buddie, let me tell you. Ive battled with this for over a year now (and thats not to say it lasts that long i just didnt find what worked for me yet). Its hard, its fucking so hard i know. But what you need to do is self regulate. Every say 15 mins, release any tension you may have. The tension keeps us in a trauma response. Keep releasing every so often. When intrusive thoughts come in, and i know this is hard because i still battle with it, you HAVE TO SAY, “maybe, maybe not but im going to keep living my life as if not” EVERY SINGLE TIME. I swear this has been like changing. Im literally like a functioning human being now. I never thought id get here but my ocd is legit 90% better. Im here to talk if you want!

life changing*

Thank you so much! Yes it feels very hard to accept that this may or may not be OCD. I do notice the tension when I get anxious and too worked up my head begins to feel tight. I’m just scared that I’m going to go or already am crazy and not know it. How do you suggest going on about depersonalization. How do I connect with myself again when it feels so scary and I want to nothing?

I have the same fears as you and I've also been getting so much better by saying "maybe, maybe not." I'd recommend searching for videos on depersonalization. There are some good tips to help you feel connected again.

Look up jordan hardgrave on youtube. Hes really knowledgeable! If you even have some extra money, id get his ebook. (Wouldnt join his inner cirlce group tho). But doing too much research can be a compulsion so only do it one day. Learn what you can. But the key, and it sounds like bullshit and impossible. But its what will get you better. Live life as normal. Think, yes im so uncomfortable. But im safe. Its just anxiety, the more i just let it flow the faster it will go away.