I am so torn between reality and whats not reality I don’t know how to put this but i was watching a show and i kept unintentionally noticing this girl who is pretty and then i was like after a while of that and not noticing the other hot boys i was why was i constantly noticing her what is it?!? And this thought didn’t cause me anxiety and i was like why is that and that didn’t too?!? Its like these thoughts are always just there and like any other person who would be bi would get these when they see someone pretty just like i did so what does that mean?!? The thoughts came felt real and went away but were there idk how to say it like i didn’t pay attention?!? I don’t know what to do all this above say that i am in denial and running away from something and i too believe it and if I believe in something so strongly that could be true right?!? Is this hocd with false attraction or i just said that cause thats easier its like i say all this forcefully when i know the truth is something else?! Do i?!? What id all of it is true?!? Is hocd doing this to me?! Or i am just running away and living a lie?!

I REALLY resonate with what you’re saying, I completely understand what you mean when the thoughts feel almost like a humming in the back of your head, like the sound of a radio that you’re trying to tune out, but the more you try and tune out the more you notice it. I don’t wanna provide reassurance because - as much as it feels good - it doesn’t help. For me, If I’m watching a show for example, if a thought comes in like ‘that girl is pretty’, it will spiral into me checking and checking whether I think the girl is superficially pretty or if I’m attracted to them, and because OCD is SO powerful, my male attraction basically shuts off - like someone’s pulling the plug, and that lasts until I’m mentally healthy. OCD is very bizarre, and it will make you doubt and doubt and doubt. Just remember that this is all your condition. Don’t be in a constant battle of trying to figure out what’s you and what’s the OCD. Focus on your life.

I know there are days when i just can’t tell myself its ocd its like i question my doubt as well and then if i feel i am noticing a girl might be even attracted i go like why and then did hocd cause that cause am i attracted to her the same way i am to a guy what happens when i see her in real life if its virtual?!? I don’t understand it feels to real to not believe it cause if i am thinking so much feeling so real how is it not?!? I am just numb now…

I love how you described the thoughts being almost like a constant hum. Like even sitting here watching TV with my husband, I can almost see the thoughts in the background of my mind kind of like a jumbled mess floating around. It's so weird

@ChristineKJ Yeah!! That’s also a really good description - it’s like your mind is almost split into two, and when you’re preoccupied, it’s like a cloud that you intermittently pay attention of!!