- Username
- ilahi
- Date posted
- 3y ago
you were a child, its ok to feel that way but trust me, youre not alone
Thank you
I think you need to try not to look back children do weird things like that a lot more than you think because they don’t know any better yet. They just see things on tv and try things because they are curious not because they are bad people. If you can’t remember doing something it probably didn’t happen and it’s your ocd trying to create something out of the guilt you feel about what happened in your past.
No amount of ruminating / looking back is going to calm your OCD. Trust me, I was in your position while struggling with the harm OCD theme as well. As an exposure you could purposefully bring up the thoughts & work on breaking down the irrational beliefs. Just because you may have done something in the past that you disagree with, doesn't mean that you are a terrible person / cannot rest. This will help to bring down that fear so that you no longer need to compulsively ruminate! You got this!!!
I had the same issue with an old childhood friends little sister like did i make uncomfortable when she was sitting on my lap ? Came outta nowhere the other day. I was like shd I reach out and ask? But now I realize thats a compulsion and shouldn’t
All I remember is getting the thoughts i still have to this day and feeling like a monster
Just the thought that i would do such a thing disgusts me and I’m really scared, i would never do anything like that now, but this haunts me. Am I guilty?😭😭
I am 20. Around a month ago, I suddenly remembered something very bad I did when I was ten. At the time (when I was ten), I didn’t think twice about it, but ever since I remembered it, I can’t stop thinking and obsessing over it as I do not understand how I could have ever done something so bad. It really bothers me, and now I am contemplating wether or not I am a bad person. I have read many articles about this, scanned them, looked for people who have done similar things. According to them, I have past event ocd. I can understand that, but I consider what I did too bad for it to be that. Here’s what I remember of it: When I was 10, my sister was 7, and around that age we would often just walk around naked, wrestle, and etc just like kids. This is probably why I didn’t think twice about what I did. At that time, I would hump various things, not knowing what it meant. I can faintly recollect humping my sister. I do not understand why I did it, but it bothers me a lot and makes me wonder if I am a bad person. I realise it’s horrible, but I didn’t know what I was doing at the time.
when i was 7 years old, i sexually experimented but with my brother who was three years younger than me. nothing terrible happened and nothing was forced. i sat on his lap and i moved my hips in a sexual way for like 5 seconds. i didn’t know that it was wrong at the time, i was just a very curious child. that was 12 years ago and ever since then i’ve regretted it with every ounce of my being and it made me feel disgusting because it doesn’t align with my values at all. but recently, it has turned into real event ocd. i cant stop feeling immense guilt over this thinking i molested my brother and how shameful i feel about it. i feel so disgusting and i don’t think i’ve ever felt more suicidal than i do now.
When I was younger, about ten, I watched porn. A lot of it, actually. Idk how it started exactly, but I was a curious kid. This led to me playing doctor with my younger sister... I'd get her to touch me (not in my privates, just the rest of my body) and we'd laugh at each others naked bodies etc. I feel terrible about this later on. Complete shit. I even made her touch my breast one night while she was sleeping because I was curious what it felt like (I saw it on porn). I stopped though. My parents are hardcore catholic and I was afraid they would find us doing it, so I freaked out. This all happened when I was 10, and I regret everything now. I brought it up to my sister a few years ago, and she said not to talk of it again. She seemed weirded out and had no memory of what happened... my mother was even brought in and asked me if I did something wrong. I think she talked to my sister too, but none of us have ever brought it up again. I cant get over it though.
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