Hey I'm kinda freaking out right now I used to roleplay a lot (like in text in you know what I mean, when you create an OC and stuff) and I used to roleplay with some girl from the internet who's younger then me in two years (hey today is my birthday so 18, I used to roleplay with her in 16-17) There was a lot of sexual and romantic stuff between our OCs in 100% consent and my relationship with this girl was really just a friendship. Now I'm freaking out that I might be a perv or p for role-playing these stuff with someone two years under my age, I feel disgusted and ashamed.. idk what to do.. what if people will see me as an horrible person :^( Oh and I feel even more terrified because I just realized she might be even more young, two and a half years under my age, I promise I just realized it right now

I was watching a show with my girlfriend last night and I feel like I felt like the daughter character in the show was attractive. She's supposed to be like 16-17 in the show and I think she was around at age IRL. I'm 26F. I've felt nauseated for the past few hours, obsessively googling about ephebophilia. I'm upset and scared and grossed out now, but I feel like in the moment I didn't necessarily enjoy the feeling/thought, but I didn't feel horrified either. It felt like it was genuine but made me uncomfortable. My biggest compulsion is confessing and I'm so scared I'm going to confess to my girlfriend when she gets home. I don't want to gross her out and make her wary of me. I've confessed other things related to this theme in the past, but the older I get the more distressing it becomes because a 26 year old should not find a 17 year old attractive. I'm freaking out more as I type this. I just pray this is my OCD, but something tells me it's part OCD and part real. Idk what to do. I feel like a creep and a monster. I really want to stop googling but this is all I can think about now. Just reading comments of people saying how vile this situation is if it's real attraction. And I agree. I would do anything to make these thoughts and feelings disappear. Does anyone have any advice or thoughts?

I'm going to put this in its simplest form. Growing up I believed that a 3 year age gap was normal. I saw it for almost the entirety of my childhood, growing up with cousins, and friends, as well as relationships around me in school. I didn't see it as a target, but a boundary. When I was 18, I fancied someone 3 years younger, I had a private fantasy but stopped because I realised it was inappropriate. When I was 19 something similar happened, but because the girl was 16, the age of consent, it felt more normal. But then I was hit with immediate guilt. I've not pursued anybody underage. I've not interacted with anyone inappropriately underage. As a matter of fact, I'm now in my 20s yet I'm stuck on the guilt of my past actions. My dad said that it's normal teenage sexual curiosity, and just because you become by legal definition an adults you're still learning. He said what matters is who I am today. But I cannot let go of that guilt.

Twtw Feel sick Back when I was 21 I roleplayed with someone onlineand I can't remember whether or not I asked them their age first or if it was them or me that initiated it. Anyway like the next day they sent me a pic and I asked wait are u an adult because I panicked because they looked young. They said yes and the next or a few weeks after that soon they'd turn nineteen. I felt relieved and kept in contact with them but continuously felt uneasy about the whole thing. There were times when I should have reached out to their friends to ask if this person lied to me or not but I didn't. I kept asking this person if they were an adult and they kept saying yes. However I kept growing more and more suspicious because of their behavior and because still they looked young. Ig the part that's scariest is that on September 15 ( I started talking to them end July and kept interacting with them until either October or November) I searched what the average age is of a high schooler ( or graduate) in the UK. Because apparently they were still in school. And the search said sixteen. I found out recently that in the UK tho some people go for an additional two years like college or college prep idkThat same day I asked them ( can't remember if it was before or after I searched this) if they were actually 18 or I asked them if I had asked them if they were 18 before we roleplayed.(or both can't remember) Also it was weird because when I told them I didn't want to roleplay anymore they freaked out and said they we're actually going to turn 20 soon. . I feel awful and disgusting. I know now this( was four years ago) that I would be a lot more vigilant if I was single and trying to mingle I just feel really gross. I feel like I need to confess more details of this to my bf. He's heard the basics but not all the details. I feel awful.