Guys do you ever feel like you’re too far gone, too deep into this particular fear? I know for a fact that I have been doing so much better but then… I still feel like there is this invisible line I must not cross, but I already have. Because sometimes I am so fed up with everything I just let it go and, for that moment, I‘m not even afraid anymore. I‘m agreeing with the thoughts or thinking ‚okay, whatever.‘ and I know that’s GOOD but aaaaaahhhh not going after the what if what if what if is the hardest thing I have ever done and it’s so so freaking scary

It is not the thoughts or urges that scare me anymore. It is the way I feel like I’ve absorbed the compulsions into my identity :( I am doing them so automatically that it feels like I am choosing them freely and they’re me. and because of that, it feels like I AM the OCD now, not just someone with OCD. I think I’m just deeply trapped in a loop. I was trying to survive unbearable fear so I started scanning. Then I started pre-scanning. Then checking if I pre-scanned. Then I check how I feel during all that. I run to beat my OCD to the “punchline” (intrusive thought, urge, sensation) because I’m so scared all the time. So scared that I don’t even feel it anymore. I feel numb and all that’s left is this jittery residue and numbness. Now it’s all tangled together in a huge knot. I feel so extremely lost. I think this may just be meta OCD, but I’ve never ever felt so gone before :( I’m really scared.

I know the solution is to always say “yeah that could be true, but I am choosing to live my life anyway.” However, I feel like my biggest issue is my brain always assuming that it is immediately true when I do that. Like if I say “maybe I’m attracted to teenagers, it’s possible,” then my brain INSTANTLY starts rationalizing that thought and defending it and being like “oh okay so you think this now and it makes sense because xyz, and now that’s who you are and your real desire is now and always will be teenagers.” I feel really alone in this area of feeling like my brain “accepting the thoughts” means my brain immediately accepts them as true. I obviously don’t want to think they’re true but I feel so stuck now.

I’m constantly thinking about what if I go crazy.No matter how good I’m feeling the thought always creeps back in same with what if no one is real.I used to get anxiety from it but I don’t really get it anymore as much which scares me.How long did this last for anyone who experienced this?I feel like it’s been going on for months and I’m scared it’ll never go away.