‼️ MY RECOVERY SUCCESS STORY ‼️
(trigger warning ; mentions of a new identity)
I started having OCD flareups at age 13, of June 2020, when I started identifying as a lesbian pretty early. I didn’t want to lie to myself since, well, being a lesbian is a pretty big part of anyone’s identity. For the first month or so, I would just console myself by looking at pictures of men, reassuring myself by going through scenarios, on and so forth. However, it escalated to me writing down on my notes app why I’m not attracted to men anytime an intrusive though came up- causing over 200 notes per day and hours of writing, stress, and crying. In August of 2020, I tried recovery- but it was only to get the thoughts to stop- I thought if I lied about uncertainty, and half-assed my self made ERP, it would go away. However, it only got worse.
In January, February, and March of 2021, I cried so hard that my skin was always swollen and my friends described me as “looking like I’ve been on drugs”. I lost my hobbies a long time ago, but I lost my friends too. My mother didn’t know how to help me. Over the summer, I lost vacations and times with families crying and crying, and it ended a “relationship” because they couldn’t handle me.
In August again, I tried recovery- but in a new way. I truly accepted uncertainty. I never did any long exposures at all, I just let myself because who I was afraid of. And that’s when I started healing. I started to have a crush on a boy (+ it’s the same boy I like to this day, who as of right now likes me back <3) I re-came out as unlabeled, or bi, and it was the easiest part of my journey.
Now, uncertainty is no issue! I typically don’t see myself attracted to men sexually, but maybe I do- I’m so young, I have time ahead of me! Now, I’m fixing everything back up. Including my mountain bike racing, my friends, my new school, and my academics. Tomorrow will be my fifteenth birthday. I am a recovered survivor of OCD.