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- 3y
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Being alone for the rest of my life
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How did u figure it out?
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Losing my husband
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When it started a long time ago it was social rejection, and it went away for a while, now it’s losing my husband and family.
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I think mine is social rejection (due to childhood trauma of being bullied)
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@cc97 My friend group was extremely homophobic, I was terrified if I *was* gay they would ruin me. Turned out two of them were gay themselves! And then I went on to date men and then it came back because It latches to your fears
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@Anon1294 Makes sense. Thanks for the insight!
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@Anon1294 Do you think mine could be possible bc of the childhood trauma?
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@cc97 Absolutely, I have childhood trauma as well and It does something to our brain, we become very anxious and hyper vigilant… to make sure we do not endure any more trauma.
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@Anon1294 Thank u!
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being left alone/ leaving the one i love
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How did U figure it out?
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@cc97 surprinsly talk therapy, but I am stopping that to continue with an OCD therapist
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I think I've always known but I went through CBT and i realised dating terrified me! So that's what I'm doing now (men and women 😬!) and seeing how it goes. Going ok so far
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Makes sense! Dating terrifies me too!
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@cc97 The fact that i found it so scary meant that i had to start doing it (ERP is about doing things that trigger you). I took it slow and said to myself i am just meeting new people. It helps if you are seeing a therapist, ideally a CBT one, when/if you start but you could just see how it works out...
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@N1ckn0ck Thank you!
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
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I don’t understand tho, because wouldn’t me protecting myself to no endure any more trauma be having no worries that I am gay bc if I had the thought then I’m gonna avoid it to not go there. But instead I have repetitive thoughts of actually being gay so how is that me protecting myself? Help!
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Not even sure it’s hocd anymore, but I don’t want to lose my partner at all. He is my bestfriend and absolutely the one I want to get married to, I can not imagine a life where is not by my side. I can’t keep doing this anymore I don’t want to hurt him :,)
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
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- 3y
What do you think you will solve if you find out your core fear in HOCD?
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All of the podcasts I have listened to said discovering your core fear is a vital part in getting better
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
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@cc97 Interesting. Maybe that is true. At the same time, I think giving acceptance in not knowing why you have this fear is a good way to fight the compulsions that you need to figure it out
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@Jesse Miller Also a good point! Thank you so much for that
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
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@cc97 You got this!
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@cc97 I hadn't heard the phrase "core fear" but it does make sense in terms of the CBT process. For me, it was important to to it with a therapist to get to my core fear. Had i done it alone i would have gone in circles latching on to different fears (which is what i have done for decades). OCD is also called "the doubting disease" and you will question everything, (including having OCD!) so it is important to have a therapist who is familiar with OCD to keep you on track. Good luck, you are on the right track
Related posts
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- 20w
Can sexual orientation ocd make you act on your fears and make you have same sex experiences ever and then after the experience realize that’s not what you are or want?
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- 13w
As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.
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- 11w
trigger warning!!!!!! I’m really scared right now. I’ve been reading Elle Warren’s articles about her experience with HOCD/SO-OCD, and it feels so similar to mine. She went through the same fears of being a lesbian, felt distressed by her attraction to women, and spent hours ruminating, Googling, and analyzing her feelings. She even experienced groinal responses and revisited old memories, just like I do. Eventually, she had a moment of realization in college when she flirted with a girl, and everything clicked. She now identifies as a lesbian. I’m terrified that the same thing will happen to me. I thought the OCD fears were supposed to never be true and that HOCD thoughts are usually just compulsions that don’t end up being real. But reading her story, it’s like I’m seeing my own experience mirrored. What if it clicks for me, just like it did for her? What if I realize that I am a lesbian? Elle’s story makes me so scared. I thought my feelings of attraction to women were just OCD-driven, and now I’m questioning everything. I thought I was straight, but now, reading her journey, I’m wondering: could my OCD fears actually be real? Elle’s experience was very similar to mine: • She got distressed when she thought she might like women, not relieved. • She spent a lot of time ruminating, Googling, analyzing, and comparing. • Her attraction to women only became intense when her OCD flared up. • She said things like, “I feel peace when I believe I’m straight.” • She had already been diagnosed with OCD and had a history of this pattern. After years of fear and distress, Elle had a moment of calm and realized that it was true. I’m scared that this could happen to me too. Will I have a similar moment of acceptance, where everything clicks and I realize I’m gay? Or will I come to accept that this is all OCD, and that I’m straight, with the possibility that I’m not? I also keep thinking back to when my OCD lessened the first time. Did I go back to men because I wasn’t actually attracted to women, or was it just because the grip of the OCD had loosened? Elle also talked about the shame associated with non-heterosexuality. She mentioned that, like many of us, she had internalized stigma around being gay, and that it made her fear the possibility of being non-heterosexual. I can relate to this so much—growing up, I never saw it as an option to be anything other than straight, and now it’s hard to shake that fear and shame. Elle mentioned that she found reassurance in seeing other people with HOCD who worried that their fears would come true, but eventually realized they were just OCD thoughts. That idea is comforting, but also a little scary, because what if that moment of realization happens for me too? What if I finally accept that I am a lesbian? Or, what if I’m just struggling with OCD and eventually realize I’m straight? I just don’t know. The scariest part is that, just like Elle, I feel like I don’t have any obvious signs. She had no idea she was a lesbian until one day, everything clicked. She was 21, just like me when my OCD fears really flared up, and she had a breakthrough moment in Denver when she made friends with lesbians. That hasn’t happened for me yet, and it’s terrifying to think that it could happen in the future. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m really scared about where this will lead.
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