Relationship OCD is taking over my life and ruining my relationship. Has anyone been through something similar? Looking for advice/support as I am really struggling right now. After months of constant doubts regarding my partner of 4 years and our relationship, I decided to leave him and take a break for right now. I am so sad because I love him so much and we have a great relationship overall. However, my nonstop thoughts about whether we are sexually compatible were getting to be too much. I believe my perceived “need” for sex may also be partially OCD related. I do have a very high sex drive and feel as though I need to have sex every day or ideally at least 4-5x per week in order to feel good and improve my mood. I mean, I know sex makes everyone feel good. But I feel like I can’t be truly happy unless I am in a relationship where I have sex very frequently. I keep track of how many times per week/month I have sex and get upset when I see it hasn’t been a lot. I am unable to distinguish whether I just have a very high sex drive or whether this is anxiety/ocd driven, but I think it’s both. I get very anxious as the day goes on and my partner still has not initiated sex. I become frustrated with him and resentful. He can sense my anxiety and frustration which turns him off even more, which makes sex even less frequent and thus makes me feel even worse. It really is a vicious cycle. This is the reason I decided to leave. I feel as though he is just not sexual enough for me. Other than the sex issue, our relationship is good. I am paralyzed by the fear of making the wrong choice either way. I’m terrified of losing the man I love over something that may just be an aspect of my OCD. But I am also terrified of staying in a relationship where I am never sexually satisfied. I am unable to distinguish what is real and what is just my OCD. It feels horrible to live like this.

Relationship OCD

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

Thanks for sharing your current experience. I would say that you should be very proud of yourself for 1st noticing the anxiety, distress, and discomfort and letting those feelings of anxiety, fear, etc. be there.This is a perfect time to as I like to say "practice" ERP. Practice not analyzing any of those points you mentioned and place your attention on this present moment. Feel your feet on the ground, take a deep breathe, go for a walk, read, go hangout with a close companion, or play a sport. Not avoiding the discomfort, but choosing to do things you want to do and not give any attention to dwelling on that.The most important part being the response prevention. Not easy, but part of the work. When this type of situation occurs and we are in environments in which we are organically exposed to distress, use this as an opportunity to practice doing the work! This allows for two things; showing yourself you can handle and tolerate it, and also letting your body know that although you feel uncomfortable you are willing to keep doing whatever it is you are doing and getting on with your day! This is the foundation!

ksb1

Date posted: 4y

Thanks so much for your reply. I will try to focus on the present moment and choose to do things I enjoy instead of dwelling on the thoughts. It is good to know that I’m not alone and there’s someone out there who knows my situation and understands.

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

@ksb1 Hi I've been searching for "no sex drive " and your post came up. Did you get back with your partner? I wanted to ask, do you think the sex is you seeking reassurance from your partner? And when he doesn't want sex do you think you take that as a form of rejection which then increases your perceived need for sex because you are validated that way? Also sex is a serotonin release so you may also be trying to reduce ocd anxiety/slow your ocd brain down through the act of sex. Last can you focus when you have sex and truly enjoy it?

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