- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I am triggered by trolling bigtime. Scrupulosity ocd - I have sent paragraphs of explanation to loose acquantainces and complete strangers when I have felt misunderstood or like I upset someone. Been off SM for almost a year. Going to be working on that with my therapist because I want to be able to speak my mind and write and be out there. Can’t do that if I’m terrified of vitriol.
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you for sharing 🙏🏼 my very first episode had something to do with social media. Never in a million years did I think i would experience something like I did in my first episode. I had posted a picture and tagged someone who has a huge following and for some reason I noticed they saw my tag in their DM on IG and I began to over think why they didn’t repost it but reposted others tagged post. I rationalized every possible reason why they didn’t repost my post. I judged myself for even caring. I thought okay hmmmm maybe I’m just overthinking, I’ll get over it BUT after sometime I became aware that I was really overthinking and started to fear that the thought of them not reposting my post will never leave. I thought I was stuck. I even told myself that when I had tagged them it was not my intention to be seen or be reposted so i was confused as to why I was overthinking it. And i also began to doubt my intentions. I got irrational fears. It was super scary. It was when I did research and got a diagnosis that it was ocd that I found relief. But ocd made me believe I was crazy and that maybe I just need validation and that I’m too sensitive which I wont lie …. I am sensitive and have struggled with wanting to be seen and validation but that episode was on a whole other level! Starting to share more in detail my story little by little to expose my ocd as Im starting to feel way better about my first episode 🙏🏼 super long but wanted to share 🙏🏼 thank you for reading!
- Date posted
- 3y
god, i feel like i have a whole subtype around "social media ocd" it's really messing me up. i've barely been going on social media other than reddit (& even that's just for r/OCD) & a big chunk of my intrusive thoughts are social media/internet themed, maybe this is just a side effect of growing up in this era & being online since a very, very young age but it's so difficult for me to handle i might make a whole post about it
- Date posted
- 3y
I hear you! Thank you for sharing. Hoping to see your post to learn more about your experience and hoping you find the tools to feel and cope better 🙏🏼
- User type
- NOCD Alumni
- Date posted
- 3y
Hi Itsanina, thanks for sharing your story about your first episode related to social media. You are definitely not alone. I have had similar experiences with obsessions much like the first episode you described, except with posts on my friends’ you tube channels or during live streams. I ended up going down a rabbit hole overthinking and got stuck ruminating on it like you were. Also, much like @Blueskybird, I have always struggled with making sure my texts, emails, posts were not misunderstood by someone, or I misunderstood ones sent to me, to make sure nobody would be angry at me or hurt, even when deep down I knew I was being ridiculous. However, my OCD would cause me to doubt that fact and had me reread the messages until I could recite them verbatim, but yet I still needed to check them because the doubt would not go away. I did the same thing with you tube videos, needed to rewatch to make sure I understood everything correctIy, sometimes rewatching enough until I could memorize everything and repeat it back until it just “felt right”….I know ridiculous, but yet that’s what I did. I ended up avoiding SM as much as possible when first starting my OCD recovery journey. Best wishes in all of your OCD journeys and stay strong.
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you SO much for sharing your experience! Truly! It helps so much to know I’m not alone in the experience I had. I seriously kept think out of all things whyyy this thought!!!!! It was the worst seriously. I thought I was going crazy. So happy to hear you are honoring your needs on ur recovery journey. I myself take time away from the socials. It’s so important! Rooting for you! 🙌🏼✨🙏🏼
- Date posted
- 3y
Holy yes. Especially for SOOCD social media really triggers me cuz I analyze all of their behaviors and compare them to mjne
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you for sharing 🙏🏼 my very first episode was obsessing over something I noticed after I posted and tagged someone and truthfully did not think anything of it when I posted it but once I caught myself overthinking it and feeling like that thought would never leave is when I started to loose my mind. It was scary.
- Date posted
- 3y
I shared my experience in more detail in my comment down below if you would like to read 🙏🏼
- Date posted
- 3y
Than you both for sharing your experiences. I asked this question about OCD with social media because my first episode had something to do with social media. And I often feel like I’m the only one that struggled with this kind of theme. And I know OCD makes you feel like your obsession is unique therefore maybe it isn’t OCD. So it just always feels good that others could potentially relate 🙏🏼
- Date posted
- 3y
I think SM is designed to be addictive which overlaps with some of the wiring of OCD. Totally agree with you both!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
I wanna start out by saying, I am really proud of how far I've come in recognizing my OCD tendencies and learned about how it can show up intersectionally for BIPOC folks who have racialized trauma and how me, being a White person, how it manifests itself for me. I'd also like to say, this is gonna be more of an analytical and reflective post. Please feel free to read and respond with any critiques or thoughts you have. I'm embarrassed about it nowadays, but it's important to acknowledge because it was a HUGE part of my teenage personality, unfortunately. I used to be a HUGE Shane Dawson fan 😭 like, his content was my strongest hyperfixation to date. So at this point in time, I feel like I'm still trying to decipher what kind of racial commentary and satire and jokes are genuinely funny and which are just perpetuating stereotypes and straight up minstrelsy. Shout out to D'Angelo Wallace for making the video essay that woke me up to seeing this issue more clearly. I try to be aware of how I can easily fall into just laughing at racial stereotypes without being aware of the serious consequences it has for BIPOC people, but at the same time, I don't want to be too worried about everything being racist and therefore that means it's bad and should be banned, cause that's also not always helpful, I've noticed. So racialized fear and polarization is something I'm deconstructing. I hate to admit this, too, 'cause it's embarrassing, but my OCD seems to latch onto racial issues. I end up obsessing about whether or not I'm causing marginalized people harm or not, particularly when it comes to racism. I believe this is because I know I was one of those White kids who was into "edgy" humor when I was a teen. I think it's just lingering guilt from knowing that was wrong, but OCD makes my guilt and rumination and therefore compulsions to "fix" it so much worse than most people. It's frustrating, but I have come a very long way in confronting and dealing with it. I'm very proud of myself for being aware that that's an issue I have. I've got to give credit where credit is due, to my biracial friend (who also happens to have OCD) for essentially helping me learn this, albeit the hard way with many arguments about racism and trauma. It's something that isn't talked about much, but we're learning to build bridges in our understanding of how mental health affects us as people with different forms of racialized trauma. Mine's not so much trauma, but social stigma, whereas his was from actual bullying and harassment and physical assault, simply because of his race. I've also learned how to recognize and deal with my own mental health issues WHILE confronting race because of Black advocates like Tony Nabors who does Racial Equity Insights, F.D. Signifier who does really great intersectional analyses on social issues pertaining to Black people, and D'Angelo Wallace for being the first Black YouTuber that made the problem with Shane Dawson video that finally helped me break out of my lowkey toxic parasocial/trauma bond relationship I had with him, lol. Does this post seem too wordy and analytical for this forum? Let me know if this isn't the right audience for this type of writing and reflection. I just wanted to talk about it because it's something I had to figure out largely on my own. Wondering if anyone else relates to this or can see themselves in this.
- Date posted
- 21w
Hey, so idk if I have ocd, I would like to think I’m a very self aware person but I don’t wanna self diagnose at all, lmk what you guys think. So pretty much my whole life since I was young I remember having irrational fears im sure it was all trauma induced but when I was a kid I thought my father was poisoning me until I asked him, he started crying and was so shocked that I could ever even think that, my parents broke up when I was legit fresh out the womb, mom worked two jobs and disciplined me, dad let me do whatever on the weekends and got me snacks so I was obsessed with him so obsessed that it was mandatory for me to kiss his picture 20x everyday before school. Growing up I always felt followed by cameras or like someone out there was recording me waiting for me to do something embarrassing to expose me in front of the whole world and my life was over 🤣🤣 I thought my abusive ex bf was stalking me through my I phone camera after we broke up and it would truly stress me out, it made me believe that it was the reason he never reached out again bc I probably looked ugly in the camera he was stalking me through. If I fall out with a friend Ill over analyze everything to see if I did anything wrong and god forbid while I’m self reflecting I realize I did something wrong I feel like an evil person, verbatim the people I fall out with is bc they’ve done me wrong in some way and it has to b something hurtful or repeated mistakes for me to really stay away for good, so I’ll beat myself up for making mistakes with another person who’s made the same amount of mistakes if not more and in most cases I always fall short, and this when I question if it’s ocd or I’m just to self aware and see the ugly in me bc I’m not perfect and it’s just makes me feel so unsettled but again that’s a normal feeling and the next step is to forgive yourself and do better moving forward, not obsess over it like your trying to convince yourself you’re a good person. I’m also hot tempered and will say hurtful things when I’m mad I’m definitely a crash out in the way, you push my bottoms way too many times and I will shred you, and I’ll say things ik will hurt you and that’s just so low, then the anger goes away and I have to face the guilt, which makes my “ocd” 100x worse, it almost feels like I have to do everything right to not trigger it yet again I don’t have the self control to do it all right, I actually have a lot bpd tendencies again not diagnosing but I’m just trying to understand my brain. I worry about dying, getting a terminal illness. uti turning into kidney infection then into cancer kind of thing, knowing that life in general can b tragic is so scary to me, like what will be my story? What will be my life experience?. I believe that people see right through me and discuss it amongst each other, I always tell myself I am not that important but I can’t seem to shake it off sometimes. When I would break up with my ex I would have pre written paragraphs ready to b send if he ever decided to reach back and I would do this to make sure I didn’t forget a single thought, that every point i felt I need to prove was there, and that bothers me bc do I want win an argument or fix the issue. All of these feelings make me feel so pathetic and embarrassed people move on with their lives and I’m still stuck on something that happened 3 yrs ago. Then I’ll get manic get a tattoo, change my hair, go out clubbing do what I can to b the sexy young girl that I am and it helps in the moment but it worsens my mental after the euphoria is gone. I’m currently staying home, not going out, have only 1 friend so I feel like ocd progressively got worse now, I don’t remember it getting this bad in a while. lmk what you guys think don’t judge or think I’m embarrassing I’m actually so cool and if have to convince you I’m cool I will LMFAOO no but fr help
- Date posted
- 14w
Hello everyone! This is my first post since downloading the NOCD app and wanted to share a little about my life with OCD. I was first diagnosed when I was 17 but truly started noticing there was something going on with me as early as 10. To summarize: I have the repetitive ritualistic type of OCD. Basically, I have a fear of becoming other people. I believe that if I perform an action, like turning off the sink or closing a door, or even breathing in and out while thinking about somebody, especially someone that I dislike, that eventually I will become just like that person or experience something they've been through that is negative; like health issues, personality issues, or social status decline. Simple example: I know this one dude named Richard, I worked with him in retail, and he told me about how his brother died at a young age. Now, it’s nighttime, and with that new information known about Richard, I believe, that If I take my contact out while thinking of Richard, or an image of him appears in my head while I’m taking out my contact, I believe that MY brother is going to eventually die too. What’s the solution?: I worked with another kid in retail. His name is Mikey, he was decently put together, and his brother didn’t die. So that means: Now with my contact still on my finger, I put it to my eyeball, and keep tapping at my eyeball with my contact while trying to get an image of Mikey perfectly timed, so that I can cancel out the image of Richard and save my brothers life. This is a challenge because the image of Richard, or I should say, the fear that my brother could die from this thought, is strong, and often times I have to think of other people (from other life experiences) along with Mikey just to feel confident that I got the image cancelled enough to move forward. Every day, I complete many actions and with every action comes a thought or image of some person I’ve encountered in my life that I’m either afraid of becoming or obtaining the same negative life experiences, which therefore means I also have all the othet people in my mind, at the ready, that cancel them out too. Every day I cancel people out and repeat actions disguised to the public. Sometimes it’s noticeable, but knowing how to cover your ugly side while making sure you don’t mess up your future with the wrong thought is just what I call life. I’m a man with a thousand people in his head and its been an EXHAUSTING journey. But through therapy and acceptance of myself, I have found a way to love with it. Like anything else, there are horrible days and okay days, but this is apart of me forever and im lucky to share it all with you! Can anyone relate?? Feel free to comment or reach out! - Matt
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