- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Hi Anonymous, I’m sorry to hear that you are suffering so much from these intrusive thoughts (and ruminations on past events) and that you want help but get so conflicted about wanting to tell your therapist certain things, but can’t bring yourself to do so, due to either the subject matter or maybe not trusting your therapist to understand. Don’t worry, I won’t repeat the standard responses your have listed above. Instead I will try to offer some possible solutions. Feel free to consider or completely disregard, I’m just a fellow OCD’r just trying to help, not a doctor or a therapist. Do you think you would be tell your therapist about these thoughts easier if maybe your just wrote them down in a word doc, or email, or by hand, or even in a pre-recorded video? That way you could talk about them at your own pace, when and if you felt comfortable to do so and you may help alleviate the anxiousness of telling them while looking at them or having them present? Just a thought. Also, have you told them that you have things you want to relay to them, but do not feel comfortable doing so? That way they know that you are trying to reach out and they maybe have some other suggestions. Also, this may sound silly…..but have you forgiven yourself for whatever it is you have thought about or done? Try to remember you are not your thoughts and that no amount of dwelling in the world can change the past. I know the latter all too well, believe me, there are many mistakes and mess ups, some severe, that I have done over the years and regret and will always regret and I hate thinking about them and wish I could go back in time and change it (if I could only find time to finish my time machine…irony, huh?…jk) or if I could only erase them permanently from my mind. Only…I can’t, the only way I can live with them was by eventually stop beating myself up over them and accept that they are in the past and that cannot be changed. Good or bad, my past is what led me to where I am and who I am now, so I need to stop dwelling and focus on now and getting better and let it go as best as I can. Same thing with intrusive thoughts, you have zero control as to when they come and what they are focused on and about, so let them go. Treat them like annoying commercials and change the channel when the come on or hit the “skip ads” button and try to move on. Not sure if any of this helps or not, but hang in there and stay strong and you are NOT wasting yours or your therapists time if you don’t feel comfortable to tell them these things yet, you will get there, it takes time and maybe something they suggest or I suggested above may help. Best wishes and take care.
Awesome advice . You sent that to her but I myself applied it to me as well .
@Brian K. hi brian, i was looking through convos something similar to this but have you ever addressed it to your therapist on the past things you did? or to anyone else?
Hi again, this is anonymous again :) thank you so so much for all of your responses. I really am just blown away by your support and taking the time to share thoughtful responses and suggestions, which I hope to try! I have my next appointment early next week, and I will report back!! Best of luck to all of you as well 🦋
Just tell them
I just have to move on and stop compulsions
Praying for you !
Hey there! I’m so sorry you’re feeling stuck in this place. I have found that when I am able to fully be honest with my therapist, my distress level significantly decreases. But I can totally understand that it is very scary. Remember that OCD is not the only part of you. Try to think of it as just a part of you that you are gaining coping strategies for! Hang in there. You’ve got this.
Ooooooooof. I kind of did it. Didn’t get into details but I did say 90% of what needed to be said and I think the 10% will be easier now. It was awful, I feel awful, but I did it. I did compulse a bit while doing it but next time I’ll try without compulsions. One step at a time. Thank you all, and I hope you who can relate are able to too!
Even illegal things done a while ago are not reported. It’s confidentiality. It’s only if you plan to do it and tell them you are planning. I did something terrible 16 years ago. I struggle with real event. I told the therapist and they did not report me. Pretty sure it was illegal.
@Anonymous Me too. We all mess up.
Thank you !
I need to find a solution fast to stop this way I’m living but I don’t think it’s possible, I’m in a constant state of pain from being tormented with guilt and warped memories. I know some of the memories to be true and some are all jumbled together so they get warped. It kills me to not know if I’m evil or not , I’m always thinking of the bad things I did when I was like 13 and didn’t know much about what’s truly right and wrong. I just feel like such a bad bad person , I don’t want any form of relationships at all because then I’ll have to confess everything bad I believe I’ve done or else I’m lying to them about who I am. I don’t really want therapy because I’m not confessing these memories or thoughts to a stranger especially because I’m only 16 and very socially awkward so I won’t be able to open up about this at all. I keep most of all of this in secrecy because I know nothing truly gets rid of the guilt. I also don’t allow myself any sympathy anymore because I just think I don’t deserve that either because evil people don’t deserve any empathy , it’s so hard to live with this. I just needed to get this off my chest since I’ve got no one to talk too
(21+ ONLY PLEASE: TRIGGER WARNING) I’m just so sick of it. I’m letting it win. I’m letting it beat me. I’m losing. I’ve been seeing a therapist but we only meet every two weeks for an hour because of my insurance. I can’t afford any more visits. We’ve been working on ERP but I still feel stuck. Just recently, we went through a drive thru and the kid at the window looked really young. I’m afraid that I found him attractive and I felt a groinal at the thought. I f*cking hate my mind. I don’t think I can do this anymore. I’m trying but I still feel like it’s not enough. I’ve let my parents down, my friends and my family. Everyone who knows me doesn’t know the thoughts I have and how sick and disgusted I feel with myself.
So been trying to do erp with my therapist for a while now, and tis really hard and feels like it's not working. Il get this weird sensation or feeling that makes me feel"gay" or as if I'm attracted to someone, and I know my therapist keeps telling me" you don't have to put meaning into the thoughts or feelings" but that seems impossible to do because and I'm sorry to say, it makes me feel that specific way. And I'll use the Erp quotes, "maybe maybe not" or"the more I struggle, the worse it gets" or"these feelings and thoughts are here, but I'm choosing to let them be" and I'll do nothing and try to let it be here but it's so distracting and feels very real, and it's like this sensation, small or big and it last all day, and even just sitting with it isn't working. And my therapist will tell me"you don't have to believe in it" and I'm sorry I feel like if it were that easy, OCD would have never been a problem in the first place, or live with uncertainty, however it doesn't feel like uncertainty, but feels very truthful or valid. Idk what I'm doing wrong tho
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