Please help, rocd is back My rocd is back again. So I and my ex broke up about 3 months ago and I realised that I didn't really like him and liked him somehow, it was more an obsession and ignoring red flags yk, I didn't rlly want to be intimate w him but I basically forced myself for a lot of things because somehow he raised my self esteem and at the moment I couldn't let him go because he showed me so much "my worth". But also I felt something but I really didn't know what because it was a mess of thoughts and I overthought everything. I know, it's shitty and I realise that, but I've learned from it. The other day I met this amazing guy, no red flags, incredibly a good match, has good values and values like mine, lots of common things but I can't stop obsessing about "what if this happens again, what if deep down I'm forcing it again, what if I can feel more attracted to someone else?" Comparing my attraction and feelings for him towards other guys all the time, researching about it and like, I'm getting to know him but I'm really liking his personality and I'm reallyyyy attracted to him even thought I know there's prettier guys but I don't know. Like what if I lose feelings, what if I don't really like him like I can't just chill about this. And I also don't want to get hurt again like.. And I don't think about him all the time, I'm just more of as interested I DONT KNOW. Another thing that happens is that whenever a guy actually cares and shows interest in me, I don't get as interested or obsessed as before, and also, since 9th grade I don't have those silly crushes and overall, I feel that somehow I'm uncapable to completely chill in love and go with the flow because of my ocd thoughts or maybe I just don't like guys. I don't know what's going, I just wanted to chill :(

Relationship OCD

PotatoChip21

Date posted: 4y

Your thoughts and worries are valid, but it is your fears and anxieties keeping you from really enjoying this new relationship. My advice would be that if you feel like you two have a lot in common and you enjoy their company etc, give it a chance. If you had a toxic ex that could be why you’re worried about commiting to someone new that is “healthier”. Also keep in mind that there is always going to be someone “more attractive” than your partner and being in a relationship doesn’t stop you from noticing other people. There isn’t one person in the world that is perfect in every single way, every has flaws. You can either choose to build a loving connection with someone based on values/interests/goals or continue to look for that perfect person for the rest of your life (because they don’t exist haha). The grass is always greener where you water it trust me!!! also something else I’ve learned since developing ROCD, I used to beat myself up all the time if I found someone else attractive or if I had a great conversation/connection with someone other than my boyfriend. Or if someone showed interest in my during my relationship in any way I would freak out and go into rumination cycles continuously which would make me questjon my relationship. I learned that we still can have interactions and connect with other people and I shouldn’t feel guilty for that. I still continue to choose my boyfriend everyday and that is what love really is. I know the thoughts can be overwhelming right now for you but trust me, do not try to solve them or push them away. They will only get stronger and stronger and that NEVER works. Please lmk if you have any other questions

Jjss9905

Date posted: 4y

Thank you a lot, it really helps knowing I'm not alone, really. I really am enjoying his company, his personality, the way he is caring for me and other people, and yes he has some flaws but with the qualities he has, I don't mind at all, they don't matter. But like until 9th grade I had crushes that were like, I didn't even know the guy but I'd be obsessed with him or like, in the past basically when I liked a guy he was never clear about his intentions so I felt "safe"?? I'm 10th grade, that was when guys started showing interest in me and good intentions was when I fricked out and my rocd started like "what if I don't like him enough and all(with my ex)? And whenever things get more serious the thoughts always comes back, and it's like I lose feelings and it stresses me because it feels like I can't have actual deep feelings:( it's like I'm always in a limbo, and with this guy I like, I don't obsess with him which is healthy but I also don't think about him thattttt much (only some times a day) and Idk if this is happening because it's healthy..? I'm still getting to know him, and I'm already stressed like this:')

PotatoChip21

Date posted: 4y

@Jjss9905 That’s understandable. I’m in a 4 year relationship and still sometimes wonder “is he the one” etc. I guess at the end of the day we’ll never really know for sure if they are the right one for us, we just have to take a leap of faith and trust ourselves in this moment. For you, just take things slow, get to know him, try to live in the present moment. Let the thoughts be there but don’t ruminate on them. Worst casenario, it doesn’t work out but you are strong enough to learn from the experience and move on with your life. Best casenario, he’s the love of your life and you can build your life together. In either situation you are strong enough to endure. But right now, you aren’t going to figure out what that answer is, none of us know for sure if our partner is the absolute right one but we continue to take it day by day (that’s at least how I try to handle the anxiety)

Jjss9905

Date posted: 4y

@PotatoChip21 Thank you so much!!!! :) It really helps, not much people understand this, I'm glad for your help!! I'm going to try to take it day by day and then see what I want as I go, thank youuuu! :)

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