Please help, rocd is back My rocd is back again. So I and my ex broke up about 3 months ago and I realised that I didn't really like him and liked him somehow, it was more an obsession and ignoring red flags yk, I didn't rlly want to be intimate w him but I basically forced myself for a lot of things because somehow he raised my self esteem and at the moment I couldn't let him go because he showed me so much "my worth". But also I felt something but I really didn't know what because it was a mess of thoughts and I overthought everything. I know, it's shitty and I realise that, but I've learned from it. The other day I met this amazing guy, no red flags, incredibly a good match, has good values and values like mine, lots of common things but I can't stop obsessing about "what if this happens again, what if deep down I'm forcing it again, what if I can feel more attracted to someone else?" Comparing my attraction and feelings for him towards other guys all the time, researching about it and like, I'm getting to know him but I'm really liking his personality and I'm reallyyyy attracted to him even thought I know there's prettier guys but I don't know. Like what if I lose feelings, what if I don't really like him like I can't just chill about this. And I also don't want to get hurt again like.. And I don't think about him all the time, I'm just more of as interested I DONT KNOW. Another thing that happens is that whenever a guy actually cares and shows interest in me, I don't get as interested or obsessed as before, and also, since 9th grade I don't have those silly crushes and overall, I feel that somehow I'm uncapable to completely chill in love and go with the flow because of my ocd thoughts or maybe I just don't like guys. I don't know what's going, I just wanted to chill :(

Hi all, I’m quite new to the whole ROCD thing as I was just diagnosed after years of thinking I just “wasn’t meant for love/dating” because of how horribly I would spiral into a depressive, extremely dread-filled and horrifically anxious state of mind and immediately cut it off during the talking stage with guys. After breaking up with a guy who I truly liked and cared for TWICE, I was finally diagnosed with OCD and it all really makes sense now. It feels weird trying to explain it to others though… I don’t know if I’m alone in these feelings, but it feels like every time I start talking to a guy—usually after the first date but the worries are extreme even in the beginning when I perceive that they are starting to like me—I end up in this major depressive episode where I don’t feel real or like myself, I can’t take care of myself, I’m either hysterically crying or I feel numb, I feel completely trapped (even if we’re not officially dating yet), I question everything in case I’m missing a red flag of some kind or some hint that this person isn’t right for me (even with simple things like a guy giving me flowers, I end up thinking “is this moving too fast? Is he being weird? Is this love bombing? What if he has an ulterior motive? Why did he really give me these?” when logically I know it’s probably nothing) I feel like I’m always looking for evidence to see if they are secretly weird, if we aren’t compatible (always “casually” ask them to take the Myers-Briggs Personality Test to try to find out as much information as humanly possible right off the bat due to fear of being stuck with them only after realizing their real personality) It then typically escalates to a point where I never want to check my phone in fear that they texted me, I feel smothered from any communication, I wish for them to break up/break it off with me, the thought of them just icks me out and almost disgusts me, I can’t get out of bed, I can’t stomach going out with friends or family of theirs, and I usually need to introduce 24/7 drugs of some kind (weed and nicotine) to my daily routine to cope with the feelings/use it to eat something because I can’t eat when I’m with them/due to the anxiety around dating them. With the man I just broke up with FOR THE SECOND TIME AFTER A WEEK OF DATING, it had gotten to a point—as it always does—where the pain of trying to be with them is greater than my appreciation for them. I might smile at my phone when they text me and be full of joy around them, but the portion of time when I’m NOT around them and left to just think about the relationship or observing how they are behaving rather than being in the moment is just too much. Once I break it off though, it feels like a bag has been lifted over my head and I’m finally back to my normal self. I usually need a couple days to emotionally recover, and then I’m up and cleaning my home, taking care of myself, and back to making plans with others. I feel lonely then and might miss them, but I know it’s just not fair to ANYONE right now to date someone like me. Is this relatable? Do I sound crazy? - Z

did anyone else have their rocd kick in overdrive when picking between two partners, i adore my bf and our relationship is great, but then another guy confessed his love for me while i'm with my bf, this other guy is fun but seems like bad news (i will never know for sure tho) it causes me so much distress because now i'm constantly thinking about the what if's and how life would be different if i had gone with the other guy even tho im happy with my bf now, so disheartening bc now i feel like im being ungrateful and can't fully enjoy the good im familiar with now without my brain being like: "but what if something bigger awaits me and im missing out?" "what if im not meant to live a peaceful life with a good guy?" "what if i miss the bad?" "maybe im not meant to be here" "what if i'm settling?" "what if i regret not living my 20's to the fullest?" these thoughts are the loudest when i'm bored, or stuck in routine, yk when life gets mundane, and my rocd has made it so that i don't have energy for much else, im too exhausted to do hobbies or school or anything really, im so lost, i dont really know how to find myself while also being in a relationship at the same time, idk how to balance that well, but i want to do both: be with my boyfriend and live a life i crave I crave a spontaneous life, somewhere in a walkable place, partying and exploring new places, traveling the world, meeting new people, adrenaline pumping through my veins, with a group of friends who also love the thrill, (what sucks is that the other guy brought that adventurous side of me out, and now that i cut him off idk how to bring her out again) and i'd like to think in this life i love my career and know what it is, a career that feels fulfilling , AND know that i have my sweet bf there with me, of course this stuff takes time so like my rocd wants me to somehow make one decision to make this all happen faster but its not how it works, anxiety is funny like that its not actually about the other guy, because I feel like i'd be this way with any partner, always thinking about the what ifs that come with rocd, when really i just want my current bf because this is real love and not a "maybe" or an "if", i just miss feeling alive, im just so scared of living an unfulfilling life, thought that a good relationship is like what makes you fulfilled, and it has changed my life in a good way tremendously, but i must need something else as well, i hope to find it, whatever it is

Hey, I really need your opinion – I think I might be struggling with Relationship OCD, and these thoughts are driving me crazy. I’ve been officially diagnosed with OCD, and I believe I also have ROCD. My obsessive thoughts often focus on one specific girl from my boyfriend’s past. She had messaged him a few times, and I think she liked him – but he never liked her back. He barely knew her, never found her attractive, and never wanted anything with her. She’s just a good friend of his best friend – not an ex or anything like that. He told me that he happened to be in the same group as her a couple of times – once at a birthday party and once at a fair – just because his best friend brought her along. He made it clear several times that she’s not his type at all, neither in looks nor in personality. He described her as someone who likes to go out and party a lot, and said that’s just not what he’s into. He also said he didn’t ask about her – these things were mentioned to him before our relationship. Almost all of this happened before we met – except for one thing: the fair. That was just one day before our second date, back when we had just started getting to know each other. She was with his friend group that night. He said he only said hi and bye to her, nothing more. The next day, when we met again, we were talking about his friends’ heights. He casually mentioned that his friend was the same height as that girl – 1.70 m. Ever since, I keep wondering: If she meant nothing to him, why did he even talk about her? Or did he actually talk to her that night, even though he said he didn’t? I know he said they barely exchanged a word, but somehow he still knew that detail. I just find that strange. Another example: He once said she was “kind of slutty.” Then, one or two months later, when I brought it up again, he said he didn’t know if she was or not, and that he didn’t care at all. That really confused me. I keep wondering: Why did he say something like that in the first place if he supposedly doesn’t care about her? I also notice this really frustrating cycle: When I talk to him about something that doesn’t make sense to me, I feel brief relief. But then, almost immediately, another thought or detail pops up that feels “off” again – and I feel like I have to bring that up, too. I can’t tolerate the uncertainty. It’s like an endless loop. These little “inconsistencies” – or what I perceive as inconsistencies – make me spiral, even though I do believe he’s being honest with me. I want to trust him. But I have this constant urge to bring up every little thing that doesn’t feel logically right. Every detail stays in my head for days, and it’s really hard not to talk about it. Does this sound like Relationship OCD to you? Do any of you go through this constant analyzing and doubt? I’d really appreciate your thoughts. I’m slowly ruining my own relationship.. Today, for the first time, my partner cried because of it .. I didn’t know how to deal with my thoughts, and seeing him like that made me realize that I really need to change something. Anything that doesn’t make sense to me feels unbearable. And as soon as I talk about one thing, the next thought comes into my head, something else that doesn’t make sense and leaves me feeling uncertain again. I honestly feel extremely helpless right now.. Just as a side note: I was officially diagnosed with ROCD in a previous relationship, not with my current partner, but in a past one.