- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Do you know what your core fears are ? And what are your main thoughts/obsessions ?
- Date posted
- 3y
I would say the fear/obsession is that we aren’t right for eachother and should break up or I might be unhappy. But I don’t want us to break up. We love eachother and have such a good relationship
- Date posted
- 3y
I would say #1 would be try to figure out your core fear behind the thoughts(for me it was a fear of losing my boyfriend). From there you can understand why there is anxiety surrounding the thoughts that come up and what really “fuels them”. I was a googler too & once I stopped that it helped SO MUCH. I felt like I was ruminating 24/7 for months about the same thoughts and they never would stop & I would always go to Google for answers but Google would actually make me more anxious sometimes lol because it would say I had to leave my boyfriend or soemthing (so you could imagine the anxiety there lol). So def try to cut out Google entirely, people answering stuff on there probably don’t have anxiety either so you can’t compare your thoughts to theirs. Checking/reassurance would be the next to tackle, my advice would be to try to live in the moment. I know it’s hard, but if you’re checking to see if you “feel love” you aren’t going to feel It (it sucks I know but the answers won’t come to you this way). Comparing your relationship to others isn’t helpful either because every relationship is different, but that’s is always what makes your relationship so beautiful and cherish able. Sure other couples may appear to be having “more fun” “may look better” “may be more loving” you name it, but they probably don’t have your inside jokes, nicknames, memories, etc. those things are irreplaceable & they are yours. That’s how I try to think about it. I get thoughts too about “is he the one” or “is there someone else I should be with” especially since my first relationship just so happens to be the same one I’m in right now for 4 years so I get worried sometimes like “am I supposed to date other people”. I try to think of it this way. Sure there is probably someone more attractive out there, and sure there is probably other men I would get along with etc. but everyone comes with their own flaws. Sure my bf isn’t perfect and neither am I but I’m sure I’d I dated someone else I’d find a different flaw with them too. We can either choose to heal our trauma and become So stong in our current relationships or continue to look for “something better” and down the line probably end up sitting and thinking of the same thoughts with someone different because the anxiety is what needs to be healed, not the relationship. I hope this helps you in some way ! You are strong and you can heal :)
- Date posted
- 3y
@PotatoChip21 Wow this is so helpful! Thank you for this 💕 I’ve been with my bf for 5 years so sounds like we have a lot in common. Really appreciate the thoughtful words and advice
- Date posted
- 3y
@Kelsey L We definitely do haha, i try to think to myself “if I didn’t love him or care then I wouldn’t so bothered by all these stupid thoughts” I also think like “would I really want to go on a first date with someone again?” Lol absolutely not
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w
I have really started to take control of my compulsions and im starting to string together better days! Still not great days or even good, but they are better!!! I have controlled my outward compulsions (googling, research, reassurance, checking) the past couple of days and felt the positive impact of that. But unfortunately, I am realizing that the rumination is still constant. My sexuality and relationship are the only two things constantly on my brain, and if they aren’t I freak out and wonder why im not thinking about them! Anyone have any advice on how to deal with the rumination. Sometimes I don’t even notice im doing it, but it’s taking up 90% of my day. Once I start to tackle this I think I may make some real big progress! Hope everyone is fighting today! ❤️
- Date posted
- 18w
My biggest is ruminating, i talk and talk and over share with myself and others Like what are some exposures?
- Date posted
- 8w
I still do not have an OFFICIAL diagnosis (I dont have the means to do so) but given my symptoms, past and present in my life hugely suggest OCD is what I am dealing with. I cannot be 100 percent certain but after searching for answers and researching for a long time now, I am fairly certain and confident this is what I am struggling with. Given this step forward, I am making more effort into giving up compulsions. at the current moment I believe to be dealing with ROCD, as I have been having several intrusive thoughts that conflict with my relationship. For starters, recently over the past month or 2, I have been struggling with intrusive thoughts like not being over my ex, being attracted to someone else, losing feelings for my partner and not being in love, etc. I can consciously identify that I dont believe these thoughts to be true but it causes me so much distress and anxiety. It gets extremely unbearable some days, and I have leaned into 2 main compulsions. I have relied on thought checking and googling as my source of relief. At first the googling was genuinely to start finding answers; hence why I have made some of the discoveries I have about OCD including this site. But it developed into every time I was anxious, I would whip my phone out and start googling strictly to find an answer that would reassure me or calm me down. As for thought checking, it acted as a way to reaffirm my love for my girlfriend in my head when I have had the thoughts that collide with my relationship and how I feel about my girlfriend. It worked at first but developed into a compulsion where every time a bad thought got me worked up id either do my normal googling or Id think about that in my head to calm myself down. Over time these compulsions have gotten less and less affective and now when I do them it only gets me more anxious and desperate for reassurance (strengthening the cycle or whatever it is lol). I did some more research and finally have accepted the very real fact that I am going to have to sit in heavy anxiety and not give into compulsions for a while in order to treat this. I have to sit in the thoughts that make me feel all this hightened anxiety and distress without giving into compulsion. to be honest I am scared, the thoughts are more rampant than ever, but I am ready to commit to this. I dont think I am gonna be able to go cold turkey on my compulsions so I am ready for the reality I might relapse on the compulsions sometimes, But am gonna keep going until I can break these shackles OCD has on my life right now. I wanna ask, what is everyones methods they use to avoid giving into compulsion when the thoughts get loud? any advice is welcome :)
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