j420
- Date posted
- 3y
Atlas_21Atlas_21
- Date posted
- 3y
You’re not alone. Had/Still having a bad spell after several exposures. I’m talking to my therapist this evening. But I starting my rumination compulsion which has to go- had a good spell for about a month though. I think my exposures set of the anxious distress which is something we gotta do with ERP
j420j420
- Date posted
- 3y
I'm told by my therapist to not try to figure out why we have anxiety. As far as rumination.... Holy shit. If you figure out how to stop it you will be leaps and bounds above any therapist.
Atlas_21Atlas_21
- Date posted
- 3y
You’re so right! It is rumination - 😩 I’m still getting the hang of it- it’s my most “deadly” compulsion. Then the disappointment sets in with myself instead of the self compassion. Sorry you’re struggling but I’m right in there with you today.
Atlas_21Atlas_21
- Date posted
- 3y
@Atlas_21 I mean, trying to figure out why I have anxiety is rumination -
j420j420
- Date posted
- 3y
Ok. It's going to be a work in progress and probably regress at times
Atlas_21Atlas_21
- Date posted
- 3y
Same here - once you get the hang of it it really works. I fell off the wagon though and gave in to intense rumination because of a trigger. But I can tell you it totally works
j420j420
- Date posted
- 3y
I still struggle knowing what is rumination. I thought compulsions lowered anxiety. My idea of compulsions just cause more anxiety
Atlas_21Atlas_21
- Date posted
- 3y
Yeah I hear you. According to my therapist and Dr Michael Greenberg, it’s anything beyond the initial “what if” so- like “what if I slap this person” it stops there. Don’t think of scenarios to avoid the situation, don’t direct attention. Don’t check in with how you’d feel.
chronicallyanxious!chronicallya...
- Date posted
- 3y
you are absolutely not alone. i have days like this all the time, it sucks.
j420j420
- Date posted
- 3y
Don't check in with how you feel?
j420j420
- Date posted
- 3y
I really think I'm hyper aware of how I'm feeling. I wish I wasn't because I'm always in my head wondering how or what I'm feeling or thinking. Does that sound like a compulsion to you? Just wondering
chronicallyanxious!chronicallya...
- Date posted
- 3y
not sure but i relate to this
Atlas_21Atlas_21
- Date posted
- 3y
Unfortunately it is a compulsion- I do it too. Sometimes it helps to imagine your “what if “ on a movie projector and you just watching it in the movie theater - to create some distance. Or redirect to your breathing or body sensations or what is around you. It’s super difficult when you’re feeling anxious. This is my downward cycle- “noticing I’m anxious/sad… thought: oh no, what does this mean either about my main what if or my recovery…. Feeling: more sad/anxious… more rumination about the feeling… it’s a vicious cycle. I have to stop at the feeling and not read anymore into it. It takes a bunch of practice
j420j420
- Date posted
- 3y
@Atlas_21 Wow I'm screwed up I guess. .I would think that feeling what your feeling is being mindful
Atlas_21Atlas_21
- Date posted
- 3y
@j420 Don’t beat yourself up! All OCD peeps do this, have compassion- I’ve learned that half of treatment is recognizing what the compulsions are, then the other half is practicing not engaging. It takes months to learn what compulsions are and to catch yourself doing them. I think mindfulessness is gently noticing a feeling, but not attuning to it compulsively. Just leave it there- sometimes we can’t help but notice a feeling when it’s intense, but don’t constantly focus or become hyper aware. Just move along with your day as usual. When you feel anxious/sad it’s OCD trying to rope you into something- false feelings that feel urgent but ultimately require you do nothing.
j420j420
- Date posted
- 3y
Please. I know you have probably told me. How do you not give intense anxiety/feelings the attention they ask for. What has worked for you?
j420j420
- Date posted
- 3y
Nevermind. In your last message you said to practice not engaging with it. I find this the hardest thing in life. It causes me so much depression
Atlas_21Atlas_21
- Date posted
- 3y
I should reframe- I allow the feelings to be there, but I don’t create a narrative for them (this means X or this means Y). I let them completely take hold and I don’t fight. Even though it feels like you’re gonna lose complete control. I just tell myself “embrace this- the storm can and will eventually pass”. The more I hate it, the more I create a story for why it’s there, the more I fight, the worse it is and the depression sets in. Hopefully that makes sense.
Atlas_21Atlas_21
- Date posted
- 3y
@Atlas_21 When you create a narrative for them, and wonder why they are there, that’s dirrecting attention. You’re gonna feel it, but you just continue with the day and act like it’s nothing new
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flowerpetals
- Date posted
- 23w
word vomit
i’ve just been feeling so off lately. i’m okay right now, but a couple hours ago i was in this mood where i felt anxiety creeping up. like i will feel like there’s danger when there isn’t. i just get this really uncomfortable feeling that something feels wrong even when it isn’t. and i’ve been feeling derealization/depersonalization. just really disconnected from myself and the world. i’ve also been unmotivated to where there are times when the thought of doing things upsets me. and i’ve been having existential thoughts that do not mesh well with harm ocd. i get the thought “if people aren’t real then it’s okay to hurt them”. it sucks because there are times where i just don’t even care to ruminate and find reassurance that that’s not the case. furthermore, i’ve just been really aware of my existence. i will get moments where i’m so aware of my existence and it freaks me out. like the fact that i’m a living human being is crazy to me. then there are times when i’m not even anxious about anything which then has me questioning and ruminating on that because i ALWAYS have something i’m worrying about. i’ve also been feeling really nostalgic and bittersweet of the good memories from the past. i keep thinking about good times i’ve had and really wishing i could relive it. for example, last summer was a pretty good summer even with my ocd. and i just wish i could relive some of those moments, but i obviously can’t. and it’s been upsetting me because this month has been shitty with my anxiety. as for an update with my room change to those of you curious, i still have anxiety over it and my mom is taking it as me being ungrateful with what i have when it’s my ocd making a huge deal of it. that upsets me especially since i’ve told her what’s been going on and she was really understanding of it. anyways, life has just been a bit much and i’ve been dealing with more to my anxiety that i don’t appreciate. while worrying about constantly throwing up with my contamination ocd is incredibly exhausting, it’s so normal to me that i’m used to it. but when my harm ocd kicks in along with other themes that aren’t usually common for me, i freak out and feel like i’m going insane. i genuinely wonder how people have dealt with taboo topics of ocd without treatment for years on end. i’ve had harm intrusive thoughts since i was little, but it didn’t get to any extreme until 2023. i feel like i’m drowning in it when it decides to hit me and the thought of having to deal with it for the rest of my life?? i’m scared something in me will flip and i’ll become what my thoughts are telling me i am. i apologize for the mixed thoughts that are all over the place but i feel safe posting on here about it and want to hear how y’all are doing
Anonymous
- Date posted
- 22w
Not feeling like myself
Lately I just feel like I’m on the verge of losing it and I don’t know why. I feel so uncomfortable in my own body. Physically and mentally. Not due to insecurity but just that something isn’t right… I never feel good, I’m always fatigued, my head hurts all the time, but my blood work comes back fine so doctor’s will do nothing. I have anxiety and panic attacks and recently I guess depression since I’m always down. I have relationship OCD so my partner deals with me not being sure of him constantly and it breaks my heart. I don’t want to leave him because he’s great but half the time my brain is telling me he isn’t the one. I keep counting as well, constantly counting every letter in every word and every word in every sentence… it just feels like I’m gonna go insane one of these days and I’m scared. When I talk to someone about this, they have no clue what to tell me or how to help. Am I alone in feeling this way??
BMace
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 21w
Always a good time to practice ERP.
I’m having one of those moments where I have to deal with some uncertainty at the worst time. I did have a little panic attack for a moment. Then I realized I could use this to make me stronger. Something happened at work and no one knows the answer I need. So I have to deal with some uncertainty. The feelings suck and the thoughts keep coming. I will not let this ruin my day I will continue to work and go about my day, even though I am anxious. Just remember that we will have things pop up throughout our days we do not expect but just to remember our practices. Hopefully the intensity will decrease in time today. Wish me luck.
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