That’s ocd for you! Watch ali greymonds YouTube videos. She has one explaining harm ocd and why it feels so real.
That scary part is that sometimes the anxiety isn’t their so im scared that I like these thoughts. Even writing this makes me feel like im using ocd as an excuse and that I’m this horrible person and will harm people because everything I see looks like a weapon in my eyes and it’s scary cause im hyper aware of everything.
@CHZ I’ve had those exact thoughts and feelings. It’s textbook ocd. Watch her videos, trust me! Super helpful :)
Yes! Totally. Now that I'm going through ERP I don't have the anxiety as much or at all but I have the emotions of fear, sadness, guilt, shame.....and so I was talking to my therapist and telling her that it seems more real that now that the anxiety is not really there but the other difficult emotions are it feels different and more real and she explained to me that OCD will always make you question anything and I have to try not to analyze and fall into the trap of ruminating because that is just feeding the OCD. 'I may or may not have OCD' . I know it sounds strange but OCD doesn't get satisfied even if you have every diagnosis tell you you have OCD you will always question it. Therapy is not linear some days are symptom free and other days you feel like you're so overwhelmed with emotions and in a sense you feel that that proves that you have OCD. It's twisted and That's why it's called the doubting disorder.
I remember having what I would say was Harm OCD when I was 14 or so... Before I even knew what OCD could really be. I remember EVERYTHING felt to me like I was going to kill someone and hide a body somewhere...the smells, the bushes, hanging out with friends, it was about 17 years ago so I don't remember it all but I WAS pretty much convinced there was no way I WASN'T going to end up a serial killer...it was just a matter of time.
How did you recovery and learned to accept that uncertainty
@CHZ I wish I could tell you my friend. It was so long ago. One thing I can remember is my friends Mom telling me that I cried when my friend shot a mouse so it would be hard to imagine me being a killer. Like I said, 17 years ago. I still have thoughts like I want to punch people sometimes, like I might enjoy killing my baby momma or something like that but now that I have a son and am currently neck deep in SO-OCD I don't really worry about it. I use it as a great reminder for my current battle with SO-OCD though... The dreams of me murdering someone and trying to hide the body don't bother me at all and that's something I'm trying to learn about SO-OCD
I believe we all have it in us to snap one day. All it takes is one moment of losing control and its possible you can do irreversible damage to yourself or others. I just don't obsess over it at this current moment in time and I hope you find a way to come to peace with that.
That is not true. There has never been even one documented case of someone acting on an intrusive thought.
^^ that terrifies me
I'm sorry. Didn't mean to trigger you.
Well Biologically speaking it impossible to just snap. The reason being is OCD and Anxiety are labeled as Neurosis, while Schizophrenia or “Going Crazy” is labels as Psychosis. It’s biologically impossible to go from Neurosis to Psychosis. There is no “fail safe” or “breaker” for the lack of a better word in your brain that is keeping you sane. Like there just isn’t. People who have Psychosis literally lose touch with everything in reality. Like the fact that you can even say “that terrifies me” shows that your sane. It’s the old saying “if you can question whether your going crazy, your not crazy.” So 99 outta 100 times you may panic that you will go crazy, you won’t. The fact that your brain is reloading Cortisol and Adrenaline to your body to make you feel anxious is showing your still sane. If you feel anxious or really any kind of emotions. Your not crazy. So to give you some Peace of Mind, don’t worry about going crazy because at the end of the day You wouldn’t even know you went crazy.
Harm OCD is awful. The thoughts feel so real and are so scary. It sounds like you are struggling with something called Thought/Action fusion. Basically, its the belief that the thought will lead to action. But its a lie. There is a huge difference between an intrusive thought and genuine intention. Your OCD will try to convince you they are one and the same. But they aren't. I suggest getting a therapist that understands OCD and specializes in ERP. OCD is called the Doubting Disease for a reason. This is classic OCD. ERP has helped me overcome both harm and suicide OCD.