What should I do, if the idea of seeing him don't make me enthusiasts, but also I know that if I force myself to go out with him I would have fun? It's not that I don't want to go out with him but neither that I want to go out with him!

He loves me and complimenta me and saya beautiful things and does many things for me, he says he loves me and he is there for me, but me.. i cant even say i love you without doubting, i am doubting my feelings my atractuon for him, everything, i feel so bad, i dont want to be like this, i hate myself . He is precious and genuine and im scared im not, i have moments when i am happy … but rn i am sad. I saw him today. i dont know what i felt but as im writing this i feel guilt amd fear. Scared that i may be pretending. I want to be happy, what if im not happy with him.. it cant be.

Lately, I’ve been feeling extremely confused and guilty. My boyfriend has been really busy with exams, and we haven’t talked much this past week. I don’t really feel like I miss him, and that scares me. It makes me think maybe I don’t love him anymore, maybe I’ve changed, and maybe this relationship doesn’t feel right for me anymore. A few days ago, a friend invited me to go to a club with her and another girl. I know that if I went without my boyfriend, he would feel bad — not because he’s controlling, but because in our relationship, we’ve always had mutual boundaries and respect. I decided not to go, but ever since, I’ve been spiraling. My thoughts keep going: “What if I didn’t go just because of him?”, “What if I actually wanted to go, but I stopped myself because I don’t really love him?”, “What if I’m holding myself back and this relationship is limiting me?” All of this makes me think I’m bored, that I don’t like him anymore, or that I’m staying out of habit. It’s hard to tell what I really want or whether these thoughts are part of ROCD or some deeper truth. I keep wondering if I’m just attached to him because he’s my first boyfriend and we’ve been together for so long. Sometimes I even think I wouldn’t care if we broke up, and that I don’t feel anything for him anymore — and that absolutely destroys me, because he’s such a good person who truly loves me. He doesn’t deserve to be treated with so much doubt and coldness. I feel miserable. I don’t know what’s real and what’s just obsession. It hurts that I can’t feel any clarity or peace. I just want to know if this is ROCD or if I’m in denial and refusing to accept the truth

For some reason, my brain gets upset when my boyfriend hangs out with other people. I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but sometimes I can’t help it. I understand that he has a life outside of our relationship, and that’s great. He reassures me all the time, in fact, he often tells me he would rather spend time with me than with his friends. He’s a perfect partner, and I love him more than anything. However, I don’t want this to become an issue in our relationship. I know why my mind thinks this way, even though I don’t believe it to be true. My brain keeps telling me that he would rather be somewhere else than with me. Those words repeat in my head every time he’s out with friends, and I don’t know why. I want to find a solution to this obsessive and jealous thought so that I don’t ruin his time with friends. I really need help with this issue.❤️