I’m eighteen and have had harm OCD since august. I’m in therapy but every time I feel good and try to act like myself I sometimes feel sick because I feel like this isn’t my true self. When I also get calls from friends I feel anxious because they don’t know about my ocd. So I feel like that guilt for not replying to them when my ocd was really bad and debilitating. And now when I get their calls it makes me feel sad because it reminds me of who I used to be and how I didn’t have to worry about or even had the ocd thoughts of hurting someone. I sometimes feel like I lost those memories of being just a teenager. This is why I hold back on hanging out with them but I’m working on not holding back anymore. Does anyone else experience the same thing?

I experience this with my boyfriend and ROCD. I also have harm ocd, and sexual ocd where I get weird gross intrusive sexual thoughts. I sometimes get scared when he asks how I'm doing, or when I'm about to see him because my biggest compulsion is confessing. I always confess my thoughts to him but I always worry about the next thing I'm gonna have to tell him when I see him or text him because it think THIS will be the thing that makes him break up with me. THIS is the thought that will tear us apart. It's very crippling and I wish I could feel like my old self again. I sometimes hold back on hanging out or cuddling a lot with him but I've learned to push past the fear and do it anyway, then find out I really enjoy it anyway! ☺️ Good luck!!!!! Harm ocd is the worst and it's awful thinking you're gonna hurt someone but the thoughts aren't who you really are!