Can ocd make you question whether you like or hate someone like your mother and then that ties into my big overall harm theme. It’s really scary cause the unconditional love that I felt for her has now been replaced by the realness that I don’t love her and I hate her. Does anyone else go through this?

I’ve shared on here before that I don’t have the best relationship with my parents but I still care for them a lot. I love them. This disorder has been so debilitating for the last 4 months. It keeps getting worse. It’s been attacking any physical contact with my parents. Any touches, hugs, playful jabs, caresses, anything. Anything that’s supposed to be pure and loving. My brain jumps to it being inappropriate, or weird or just comparing it to something sexual. Then I just feel so uncomfortable. I don’t know if I’m just hyperaware of how I feel, I tense up badly or if I’m checking how I feel. I don’t know. It breaks my heart. It genuinely hurts so bad. I feel like a child who just wants to cry in her parents’ arms but OCD is trying to take them away. This feels so painful, I’ve been dealing with so many themes but this specific situation hurts the most. I feel devastated and scared. If anyone else has been through this or has any advice, I’d really appreciate it. And if not, just knowing that someone heard me would mean a lot. I feel so deeply sad.

There are times my harm ocd has me convinced that my feelings of self harm or suicide and harm are real and that any moment I could commit the act on myself or my family. Is there anyone who can chime in on this. I feel like all the time I want to leave run away or avoid my family because of these thoughts. Like I shouldn’t be around my children and I don’t trust myself.

Honestly ocd has been so tough these past months, like I wake up in the morning thinking I accidentally hurt my whole family and just don’t remember. And I start to question so much. And freak out thinking that I did. If anyone can relate I would love to hear from you ;) and any things that may helped you