How do you know if you are a selfish person? I OCD about this all the time because I am told that all the time. I talk to my therapist about this a lot. I have ruminated on this subject for as long as I can remember and I truly think that I am an empathetic and kind nurturing person but I am consistently told that I am not. So how do you know?

MikeOH2LA

Date posted: 4y

And yes, it is a very hard place to be. It totally sucks and is lonely. It causes me to second guess myself insesintly.

alltheocd

Date posted: 4y

Who is telling you you aren't?

MikeOH2LA

Date posted: 4y

I am telling myself that I am not a selfish person but my wife has consistently said otherwise. Its kind of a mind game tbh. Maybe I am to some degree? But the way I get portrayed is not the person I think I am.

MikeOH2LA

Date posted: 4y

Having OCD makes this mental joust even more challenging. You know the need for concrete evidence you are one way or another.

alltheocd

Date posted: 4y

How do others besides your wife perceive you? Coworkers? Family? Friends?

MikeOH2LA

Date posted: 4y

They perceive me as a kind, outgoing, and empathetic person. I think that when the person closest to you tells you otherwise it can confuse you. We are going through a divorce but this has been like this for years. I really appreciate you responding to this post by the way.

alltheocd

Date posted: 4y

It is really hard when it is someone so close to us. The person/people we should be able to depend upon. I think ocd may make us more susceptible to abuse by romantic partners - eg, we don't entirely trust ourselves and then someone piles onto us...can make for a very manipulative relationship. I'd encourage you to hold onto what those you can trust tell you. :)

MikeOH2LA

Date posted: 4y

Thanks for these suggestions. It never used to be this way but it is now. Like nothing I do is enough or somehow I am taking advantage of her so I am a selfish person. I agree with you about the abuse from romantic partners and how the OCD may make us more susceptible to mental distress or emotional difficulties. I will think about the holding on from others perceptions of me. Good advice. Thank you. Have you had issues with a partner that has messed with you?

alltheocd

Date posted: 4y

Yes. To clarify my last comment, I think we can be easier to abuse due to our own doubts and perhaps also attractive to abusers for some of the qualities we may have as a result of or peripheral to our ocd. In my experience the abuser isn't intentionally abusive, rather they act out of their wounds/trauma. This becomes really problematic when they don't see they are acting out of their trauma and so don't believe there is anything wrong with them and place all the blame on us :-/ Maybe I'm lying to myself about the whole not intentional on their part though, the famous book the verbally abusive relationship seems to indicate a degree of intentionality... All I really know is that it is a really, really hard place to be

MikeOH2LA

Date posted: 4y

This is an amazing point you have provided. I can completely relate to your comments about the acting out of their wounds/trauma. This is something that I contend with regularly. I am blamed for all problems with me being a selfish, narcissist according to them. I can’t seem to do virtually anything “right” and am constantly apologizing even though I am not sure why I am apologizing in the first place. Avoidance is my tactic because the other option is worse. How donyou deal with this issue?

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