- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
And yes, it is a very hard place to be. It totally sucks and is lonely. It causes me to second guess myself insesintly.
- Date posted
- 3y
Who is telling you you aren't?
- Date posted
- 3y
I am telling myself that I am not a selfish person but my wife has consistently said otherwise. Its kind of a mind game tbh. Maybe I am to some degree? But the way I get portrayed is not the person I think I am.
- Date posted
- 3y
Having OCD makes this mental joust even more challenging. You know the need for concrete evidence you are one way or another.
- Date posted
- 3y
How do others besides your wife perceive you? Coworkers? Family? Friends?
- Date posted
- 3y
They perceive me as a kind, outgoing, and empathetic person. I think that when the person closest to you tells you otherwise it can confuse you. We are going through a divorce but this has been like this for years. I really appreciate you responding to this post by the way.
- Date posted
- 3y
It is really hard when it is someone so close to us. The person/people we should be able to depend upon. I think ocd may make us more susceptible to abuse by romantic partners - eg, we don't entirely trust ourselves and then someone piles onto us...can make for a very manipulative relationship. I'd encourage you to hold onto what those you can trust tell you. :)
- Date posted
- 3y
Thanks for these suggestions. It never used to be this way but it is now. Like nothing I do is enough or somehow I am taking advantage of her so I am a selfish person. I agree with you about the abuse from romantic partners and how the OCD may make us more susceptible to mental distress or emotional difficulties. I will think about the holding on from others perceptions of me. Good advice. Thank you. Have you had issues with a partner that has messed with you?
- Date posted
- 3y
Yes. To clarify my last comment, I think we can be easier to abuse due to our own doubts and perhaps also attractive to abusers for some of the qualities we may have as a result of or peripheral to our ocd. In my experience the abuser isn't intentionally abusive, rather they act out of their wounds/trauma. This becomes really problematic when they don't see they are acting out of their trauma and so don't believe there is anything wrong with them and place all the blame on us :-/ Maybe I'm lying to myself about the whole not intentional on their part though, the famous book the verbally abusive relationship seems to indicate a degree of intentionality... All I really know is that it is a really, really hard place to be
- Date posted
- 3y
This is an amazing point you have provided. I can completely relate to your comments about the acting out of their wounds/trauma. This is something that I contend with regularly. I am blamed for all problems with me being a selfish, narcissist according to them. I can’t seem to do virtually anything “right” and am constantly apologizing even though I am not sure why I am apologizing in the first place. Avoidance is my tactic because the other option is worse. How donyou deal with this issue?
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
recently ive been worrying that im ''secretly'' a narcissist and that im accidentally hurting all of my friends. it really doesnt help that i do relate a bit to some narcisstic traits like having an unstable ego/''needing'' validation, although i suspect it comes from a different source for me (like OCD, maybe?). it also hurts because ive been trying to understand more stigmatized disorders like NPD more and learning more about them so that i don't add to the demonization, but i feel like doing so has also instilled the fear into me that im accidentally harming people i care about or that im not actually a ''good person'' like how i like to think of myself
- Date posted
- 20w
Around 10 years ago when I started getting violent OCD intrusive thoughts, I also started fearing that I was a sociopath. I began overanalyzing everything — especially my emotions. It's like if I could prove I had emotions it proved I wasn't a sociopath. I care deeply about my family — I worry about them, I want them to be safe and happy, I want them to get theit deepest desires — but I don’t know what love "feels" like, if its supposed to feel like anything. People describe love as this warm, obvious, fuzzy emotion, but I don’t experience it the way I think I’m supposed to. Is it supposed to be intense? Constant? Loud? Because I’m not sure I’ve ever felt that. My family isn’t very emotionally expressive either. I cherish hugs from them when I get them, I initiate most hugs with my parents (but I don't like hugs from other people, like co workers) but overall my family doesnt show affection much, and that’s made me question if I’m even capable of love. I overanalyze my feelings constantly — especially after realizing I don’t feel connected to God in the way my old church said I should. I don’t love God. I don’t feel anything toward Him — we’ve never met obviously so I just never got a connection with Him. But growing up, that felt like a sin in itself. As a teen, I felt ashamed knowing I cared more for my parents than for God, especially when church messages said God had to come first. There’s a song by Mary Mary that says, “I love you more than my mother, my father…” and it used to make me feel broken. My feelings were in direct contradiction with what I was taught, and that shame never fully left me. OCD latched onto that hard. It’s only after a coworker passed away — and I found myself crying multiple times over it — that I realized I do care deeply for people. But even that realization felt pathetic. Why did I need such an extreme moment to feel something “real”? & why didn't I care for another creepy bigoted co worker when his son was sick? I felt nothing. I’m scared my OCD is convincing me that I’m heartless, even though I want connection. I crave love. I like hugs. It’s exhausting and terrifying to doubt my own humanity like this. I hate this fear. I hate that I don’t trust myself. I hate that OCD makes me question my morality, my emotions — everything that makes me me. Has anyone else experienced anything like this? How do I even explain this to a therapist
- Date posted
- 14w
Hey, so idk if I have ocd, I would like to think I’m a very self aware person but I don’t wanna self diagnose at all, lmk what you guys think. So pretty much my whole life since I was young I remember having irrational fears im sure it was all trauma induced but when I was a kid I thought my father was poisoning me until I asked him, he started crying and was so shocked that I could ever even think that, my parents broke up when I was legit fresh out the womb, mom worked two jobs and disciplined me, dad let me do whatever on the weekends and got me snacks so I was obsessed with him so obsessed that it was mandatory for me to kiss his picture 20x everyday before school. Growing up I always felt followed by cameras or like someone out there was recording me waiting for me to do something embarrassing to expose me in front of the whole world and my life was over 🤣🤣 I thought my abusive ex bf was stalking me through my I phone camera after we broke up and it would truly stress me out, it made me believe that it was the reason he never reached out again bc I probably looked ugly in the camera he was stalking me through. If I fall out with a friend Ill over analyze everything to see if I did anything wrong and god forbid while I’m self reflecting I realize I did something wrong I feel like an evil person, verbatim the people I fall out with is bc they’ve done me wrong in some way and it has to b something hurtful or repeated mistakes for me to really stay away for good, so I’ll beat myself up for making mistakes with another person who’s made the same amount of mistakes if not more and in most cases I always fall short, and this when I question if it’s ocd or I’m just to self aware and see the ugly in me bc I’m not perfect and it’s just makes me feel so unsettled but again that’s a normal feeling and the next step is to forgive yourself and do better moving forward, not obsess over it like your trying to convince yourself you’re a good person. I’m also hot tempered and will say hurtful things when I’m mad I’m definitely a crash out in the way, you push my bottoms way too many times and I will shred you, and I’ll say things ik will hurt you and that’s just so low, then the anger goes away and I have to face the guilt, which makes my “ocd” 100x worse, it almost feels like I have to do everything right to not trigger it yet again I don’t have the self control to do it all right, I actually have a lot bpd tendencies again not diagnosing but I’m just trying to understand my brain. I worry about dying, getting a terminal illness. uti turning into kidney infection then into cancer kind of thing, knowing that life in general can b tragic is so scary to me, like what will be my story? What will be my life experience?. I believe that people see right through me and discuss it amongst each other, I always tell myself I am not that important but I can’t seem to shake it off sometimes. When I would break up with my ex I would have pre written paragraphs ready to b send if he ever decided to reach back and I would do this to make sure I didn’t forget a single thought, that every point i felt I need to prove was there, and that bothers me bc do I want win an argument or fix the issue. All of these feelings make me feel so pathetic and embarrassed people move on with their lives and I’m still stuck on something that happened 3 yrs ago. Then I’ll get manic get a tattoo, change my hair, go out clubbing do what I can to b the sexy young girl that I am and it helps in the moment but it worsens my mental after the euphoria is gone. I’m currently staying home, not going out, have only 1 friend so I feel like ocd progressively got worse now, I don’t remember it getting this bad in a while. lmk what you guys think don’t judge or think I’m embarrassing I’m actually so cool and if have to convince you I’m cool I will LMFAOO no but fr help
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond