- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Hey man I totally understand you, I have this fear since 15 years, despite a good break in the middle. Look, you, I can be gay but it doesn't mean we have to have recursive thoughts. We need to cure our depression first. Then if we like we can explore out sexuality š These are two separate things. If I can help you, we need to find a way to stay a bit better. You can find this starting watching Nathan Peterson videos on YouTube on hocd, then you can follow his online course or start a path with a cbt therapist. I bet $1000 if you do this, in a very short time you'll be with your family again, laughing and being happy. But don't snooze that. DO IT NOW !!!
- Date posted
- 3y
But everyone that has hocd for that long still say they hate their thoughts and dont want them. Its not the case with me, I dont think I hate them, i think they just made me realize my true self that I never noticed all these years which is causing the Ćuicidal thoughts and depression.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Imaan7 No no no dude that is not how OCD works. OCD will give you thoughts images urges and feelings that are ALL false. It will even make you think you want or like your thoughts. I have harm OCD and it makes me feel just like you said along with everyone sense on this app. This is what OCD does. If you will stop trying to figure this out you will see more clearly. The more you think about it the more you are feeding it and the stronger it gets.
- Date posted
- 3y
Imaan if you have depression YOU ARE NOT THINKING CLEARLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Man I feel your pain but stop trying to āfigureā this out. Iām on the outside f all this and this is what I see: #1- You have been struggling with this a while. #2- If you were gay you would be at peace about it. #3- If you were going along and never thought about it and liked females but ALL OF A SUDDEN you had this thought, then this is ALL OCD!!!!!! #4- It seems to me you have overthought (Ruminated) to the point of confusion. I know Iāve done it! Bro, Iām not trying to be ugly but you have to STOP the rumination and compulsions and have a clear mind. Itās gonna take a bit for that to happen. So stop the over analyzing and work on the depression. Make yourself get out of bed and do things.
- Date posted
- 3y
Yeah, I agree on point 4 and beyond. Solve your depression with a therapist ASAP
- Date posted
- 3y
I think its just figuring out itself, either way its too late. Many gay people when they first realize it are not comfortable, I think if I tried to accept it I too would be at peace. Even thinking I could like only females dosent make me happy or relieve me at all. I think I just feel embarrassed about being gay and thats why all this is happening and once I embrace and accept it, it will solve on its own. I can even see that happening in my head and then theres way too much proof about this from my past and present day
- Date posted
- 3y
And I think I never truly liked females as a proper straight man, dont think that attraction was real
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
are u seeking help? If not I think you should because I started to fall into a rut like that and it got reallt bad
- Date posted
- 3y
I dont see a point bc i think my thoughts are true.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@Imaan7 Well it seems like you are really deep in depression and if you want to get better you should see a therapist. You should also watch some helpful HOCD videos that will help u out
- Date posted
- 3y
@Imaan7 Dude, what you're thinking and written it's a clear syntom of depression from ocd. Seek for help, find your serenity and then figure out your sexual orientation. Now you're not in the right mental state to do so. COME ON!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
some days I wake up with so much dread and guilt. It makes it so hard to keep going. I open my eyes and Iām hit with a wave of nausea and terror. I feel ashamed of my compulsions and my OCD. I feel like a monster for my checking compulsions. For momentarily sexualizing things that shouldnāt be sexualized out of anxiety. Iām ashamed of a lot that I give into because of anxiety. Confessing things that are meaningless to my boyfriend. I feel so awful and unworthy of existing and of love. I feel hopeless I donāt want to keep pushing, the more I push the more meta my OCD becomes and the more guilt I feel for this mental illness. The more confusing it becomes to do ERP. If compulsions are a choice, they feel like life or death and itās driving me insane, I beat myself up so badly over them Iām scared of compulsions, Iām scared of thoughts, Iām scared to be awake, Iām even scared of sleeping because my intrusions and compulsions haunt me there too. I spend my dreams trying to explain or justify my OCD and compulsions to people. Iām exhausted, I want this to stop so badly. My severe OCD isnāt feeling any less severe and itās been months. I donāt want to keep questioning my every move but Iām so hyperaware of everything I do. Iām so tired. Some days I donāt even have tears to cry with. Iām just so full of despair and shame
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- Date posted
- 22w
Idk if this post is even worth it but it seemed like a normal day for me, called off work due to the weather so I get to just stay home and play games all day. Easy day besides dealing with the constant and unbearable battle with my intrusive thoughts/feelings. Took a shower and I just had constant thoughts, (heart palpitations are pretty constant) ended up breaking down and bawling my eyes out. I was diagnosed with HOCD and ROCD about 2 months ago and since it's just gotten worse. It feels as real as it can get and after talking to my girlfriend about the anxiety attack, it feels even more real. I have no desire or enjoyment from what comes from my brain, and at this point I'm on my knees begging the big man upstairs for my old life back, how do I go from being obsessed with women (sexually and emotionally) to pretty much doing a 180 overnight (with the obvious anxiety and worry behind it. No real desire obviously). I'm just at a loss, I've done a little ERP and it seemed to help with the brain fog but besides that, everything that it does to someone, I have. And again there's the doubt I even have OCD and I'm in straight denial. It just sucks.
- Date posted
- 14w
since february i have "POcd". Initial symptoms were thoughts, but then I did a testing compulsion during an intimate time, and I spiraled ever since. I struggle with addiction to smut. I'm cutting that out, but I feel as if it is too late. Ive never experienced this much mental, and emotional anguish in my life. On my time on this application I have given advice to others, and helped around, but I wonder if that even applies to me. Millions of times I wish I could turn back time and be more careful. I want to prevent many things, including what led me to spiral into OCD in the first place. I'm surely having an OCD episode. I have gotten a diagnosis, but I'm still not sure. I feel evil, cause unlike many here, I tested on my body sensations and it backfired (twice) I know I'm not supposed to figure out why that is the case, but now I have to live with it for the rest of my life even if its something I don't desire. This is disgusting for me, it is abhorrent. I could've never seen this coming. Day by day I've become more fearful of living with this, "OCD". I was a normal person before this, I knew what I was attracted to, I know my preferences, so why did this come about? This is singlehandedly the most painful thing that has happened to me and I have nobody but myself to blame. I am scared of death but I also would'nt mind sleeping for years on end. My parents and brother were understanding of my situation, but I failed them regardless. I don't want them to see me this way, nor do I want them to learn more of my predicament. I'm cooked. I know it, Fin, thats all folks. I'm only 20 and I already have other diagnosed mental illness so I recklessly brought upon myself another one. Its agonizing to live through, I wish this on nobody, not even my worst enemy. I can't even identify myself at this point. Its tearing me apart.
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