- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Hey man I totally understand you, I have this fear since 15 years, despite a good break in the middle. Look, you, I can be gay but it doesn't mean we have to have recursive thoughts. We need to cure our depression first. Then if we like we can explore out sexuality š These are two separate things. If I can help you, we need to find a way to stay a bit better. You can find this starting watching Nathan Peterson videos on YouTube on hocd, then you can follow his online course or start a path with a cbt therapist. I bet $1000 if you do this, in a very short time you'll be with your family again, laughing and being happy. But don't snooze that. DO IT NOW !!!
- Date posted
- 3y
But everyone that has hocd for that long still say they hate their thoughts and dont want them. Its not the case with me, I dont think I hate them, i think they just made me realize my true self that I never noticed all these years which is causing the Ćuicidal thoughts and depression.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Imaan7 No no no dude that is not how OCD works. OCD will give you thoughts images urges and feelings that are ALL false. It will even make you think you want or like your thoughts. I have harm OCD and it makes me feel just like you said along with everyone sense on this app. This is what OCD does. If you will stop trying to figure this out you will see more clearly. The more you think about it the more you are feeding it and the stronger it gets.
- Date posted
- 3y
Imaan if you have depression YOU ARE NOT THINKING CLEARLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Man I feel your pain but stop trying to āfigureā this out. Iām on the outside f all this and this is what I see: #1- You have been struggling with this a while. #2- If you were gay you would be at peace about it. #3- If you were going along and never thought about it and liked females but ALL OF A SUDDEN you had this thought, then this is ALL OCD!!!!!! #4- It seems to me you have overthought (Ruminated) to the point of confusion. I know Iāve done it! Bro, Iām not trying to be ugly but you have to STOP the rumination and compulsions and have a clear mind. Itās gonna take a bit for that to happen. So stop the over analyzing and work on the depression. Make yourself get out of bed and do things.
- Date posted
- 3y
Yeah, I agree on point 4 and beyond. Solve your depression with a therapist ASAP
- Date posted
- 3y
I think its just figuring out itself, either way its too late. Many gay people when they first realize it are not comfortable, I think if I tried to accept it I too would be at peace. Even thinking I could like only females dosent make me happy or relieve me at all. I think I just feel embarrassed about being gay and thats why all this is happening and once I embrace and accept it, it will solve on its own. I can even see that happening in my head and then theres way too much proof about this from my past and present day
- Date posted
- 3y
And I think I never truly liked females as a proper straight man, dont think that attraction was real
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
are u seeking help? If not I think you should because I started to fall into a rut like that and it got reallt bad
- Date posted
- 3y
I dont see a point bc i think my thoughts are true.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@Imaan7 Well it seems like you are really deep in depression and if you want to get better you should see a therapist. You should also watch some helpful HOCD videos that will help u out
- Date posted
- 3y
@Imaan7 Dude, what you're thinking and written it's a clear syntom of depression from ocd. Seek for help, find your serenity and then figure out your sexual orientation. Now you're not in the right mental state to do so. COME ON!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
I can't stop thinking about ending my life. I feel like I'm not even living, I'm just surviving. Everyone is capable of being a person and functioning and I'm just stuck here avoiding everything. My psychiatrist said my ocd is severe and it will all take time and I'll start erp and I'm already on medication but I just feel so depressed and like I won't be able to handle erp and it's already too late for me. I feel inhuman, it's debilitating. My major theme is just fear or contamination, I can't even make myself a meal I can't touch anything in the kitchen. I get stuck in the shower for 2 hours and when I don't shower because I'm depressed I feel like a walking germ. My hands are a mess, my school work is shit, I avoid and avoid and I'm just so tired of "living" like this. My psychiatrist said they don't have any therapists available right now like.... excuse me? What do you mean u don't have any š I honestly don't even know why I'm typing this becuase nothing helps, nothing ever will. I'm so deep into this I can't get out, my room looks like shit, I can't live in this body anymore, I really can't. I let everyone down, I am and will be such a dissapointment. I don't have any dreams or goals or passions I just wasn't made to be here. I don't know how or who to ask for help like there's nothing anyone can do, I'm already on meds. I can't keep being like this, seeing everyone judge me for acting insane.
- Date posted
- 21w
I feel like one of the worst things about ocd are the disturbing images or the ālittle moviesā that replay in your head over and over again. I have the worst sexual images with one of my family members that actually so bad that I canāt even look in the mirror. And itās even worse that I have a lovely boyfriend and Iām so disgusted of myself that I feel like I donāt deserve him and I feel like I canāt be with him because of these thoughts, even he is the most precious thing in my life. These sexual images are so horrible and what makes it even worse that in these pictures I always see myself as someone who enjoys it. I know how to deal with this anymore. My mind is trying to convince me that that I actually like these images and thoughts and this is the hardest part, that Iām doubting myself. These images pop up in my head so naturally that I always question myself if I actually donāt like it why it comes so naturally or how can my brain picture things like this if I donāt like it. Itās getting worse day by day. Itās in my head 24/7, canāt concentrate on anything else, I canāt eat because Iām constantly throwing up. And my mom has to sleep with me every night because Iām so disturbed by my own mind. My parents know that thereās something wrong with me, they think Iām depressed but sadly Itās not something I can talk openly about with them. Iām seeing a therapist next week but Iām genuinely scared to open up about these thoughts that Iām having.
- Date posted
- 19w
some days I wake up with so much dread and guilt. It makes it so hard to keep going. I open my eyes and Iām hit with a wave of nausea and terror. I feel ashamed of my compulsions and my OCD. I feel like a monster for my checking compulsions. For momentarily sexualizing things that shouldnāt be sexualized out of anxiety. Iām ashamed of a lot that I give into because of anxiety. Confessing things that are meaningless to my boyfriend. I feel so awful and unworthy of existing and of love. I feel hopeless I donāt want to keep pushing, the more I push the more meta my OCD becomes and the more guilt I feel for this mental illness. The more confusing it becomes to do ERP. If compulsions are a choice, they feel like life or death and itās driving me insane, I beat myself up so badly over them Iām scared of compulsions, Iām scared of thoughts, Iām scared to be awake, Iām even scared of sleeping because my intrusions and compulsions haunt me there too. I spend my dreams trying to explain or justify my OCD and compulsions to people. Iām exhausted, I want this to stop so badly. My severe OCD isnāt feeling any less severe and itās been months. I donāt want to keep questioning my every move but Iām so hyperaware of everything I do. Iām so tired. Some days I donāt even have tears to cry with. Iām just so full of despair and shame
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