TW I genuinely think ocd just showed me what my real identity is that I never noticed all these years. Now why even bother talking to a therapist when the thoughts are true. I think I just liked girls and wanted a gf bc of heternormativity but in reality I dont actually like women. It makes sense bc I remember anytime i smoked weed and got really high I couldnt imagine myself having a gf, it sort of felt impossible and you know when youre high you see things differently and more clearly. This is just one proof theres tons more like this. The attraction towards same sex feels too strong and this is when im isolated at home, think id just act on them when I meet people. I believe im just ashamed and embarrassed of being gay and cant accept it which is causing these issues. Idk what Im hoping for locked in my room unable to cope with this depression, anxiety coming here everyday and bothering people who actually have ocd with my stupid posts. Anyways, I wish god would just take my life, my mental health is done for.

Brian :)

Date posted: 4y

This happened to me too!! This was my very first ocd theme ! It turns out I was in denial and all time j avoided my thoughts but they weren’t necessarily ocd , ur was just regular thoughts of my sexual identity and what came along wit it . I knew for a fact I wasn’t into girls and constantly tried doing I could to avoid those thoughts .

Imaan7

Date posted: 4y

But you didnt grow up liking girls did you

Janajana

Date posted: 4y

This triggered me into a very bad place right now

Janajana

Date posted: 4y

@Imaan7 Now the post of Brian :)

Janajana

Date posted: 4y

@Janajana No *

Imaan7

Date posted: 4y

@Janajana I know comments like those make me so miserable, its like a spike of despair.

Janajana

Date posted: 4y

@Imaan7 Like I agree ,people who grow up always liking boys and really try to avoid it or suppress it (with the clear knowledge in the background that they are gay) are really gay. Same with transgender. I just can‘t get in my mind why I would just not now it 17 years and then boom I realized I have to change to be happy. Like how does this work? Is that even possible

Imaan7

Date posted: 4y

@Janajana Same I just think Im in denial, looking back at how i felt around women and interactions with them it really does feel like i was gay all this time. I also get thoughts that Im a girl inside or want to be one. Some gay girl triggered me here saying that alot of gay people when they realize their sexuality also realize their gender is different. I think all this is just true for me. I keep falling down harder in depression. Im sorry ur struggling too

Janajana

Date posted: 4y

@Imaan7 Yes it is hard please don’t Change it can‘t be real that this illness changes us after years of Beeing happy with ourselves

Janajana

Date posted: 4y

If I’m really trans and I feel like it and I lied my whole life about it I really really really want to take my life

sofiaraaah7

Date posted: 28w

@Janajana How are you doing now?

Janajana

Date posted: 4y

I do not want to accept, I‘ve always been fine as a girl but if it is just society that formed all these years and yet now I came to the Realisation I’m a man or that shit I really do not want to take a step further in my life even if I like it I do not want to

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