TW I genuinely think ocd just showed me what my real identity is that I never noticed all these years. Now why even bother talking to a therapist when the thoughts are true. I think I just liked girls and wanted a gf bc of heternormativity but in reality I dont actually like women. It makes sense bc I remember anytime i smoked weed and got really high I couldnt imagine myself having a gf, it sort of felt impossible and you know when youre high you see things differently and more clearly. This is just one proof theres tons more like this. The attraction towards same sex feels too strong and this is when im isolated at home, think id just act on them when I meet people. I believe im just ashamed and embarrassed of being gay and cant accept it which is causing these issues. Idk what Im hoping for locked in my room unable to cope with this depression, anxiety coming here everyday and bothering people who actually have ocd with my stupid posts. Anyways, I wish god would just take my life, my mental health is done for.

Hi,im a fourteen years old girl. I live in a homophobic country,and i dont have any experience. I grew up and became homophobic just like my family and my religion.but in 13 year old.i was questioning why lgptq is illegal?while they are just being them and can’t select what they are? So..i became an agnostic or atheist by secret.oh,by addition,before i became atheist i was making sure i don’t like women,like looking at women pics and imagine some romantic or sexual senarios just to find out,(and i wasnt feel anything and didnt like them),and i was happy and comfort for being straight (i was liking fictional men and some actors,within experience except an online male friend i liked but we didn’t date).but after being atheist,its like fire,i start developing HOCD,im not officially have that because I can’t have a therapist,but i have the Symptoms 100%. I didnt know whats hocd ,i find out whats it before a month.when i was struggling with it like 7 months,so,i think it started when i was in very close friendship with a girl in school,i was confused.if i liked her or not,i was imagining,questioning,making scenarios,but i couldnt have an answer,but then i was comfort to keep it just friendship.when the questions about her go,i can see her normally as a friend and i dont think of her or text her every day and it sometimes reaches months in summer holidays and its normally to me,no romantic acts about her,but then i had a new friend to the group and i had the same thoughts and questions to her.and now my brain questioning if i like them both😢.ok.this gone.this is before year,before being atheist.after being.i was questioning “do i like women?” Or when i see a fictional woman,i start to look at her and questioning myself and try to catch any feeling,i swear i would accept myself to be gay or bisexual,but i just can’t feel or accept that..i feel like burn.i cried and cried.it somedays turns so hard that I can’t even study or live normally.i also started to lose my attraction to men.i feel like its gone,I can’t now imagine being a man without getting uncomfortable,i miss the days when i was enjoying imagining kissing and sexing with a man.but,hocd,always reminds me i have no experience,and its all imaginary,so I don’t have a real clue from beginning that im straight.and i also read an girl experience with hocd and she became a lesbian at the end,i get so scary.it feels so real.i just wanna cry forever.im afraid that i will like a girl in the future,it chock me and burns.i hate this feeling.to thr god i dont know or believe in,please,if i like women,just let me feel it normally without this fear and hurting.i dont want to be gay.i dont want to like women.i dont want to be bisexual or lesbian.but if being any of those but comfort without this feeling that makes me wanna suicide.i would accept,please.just please,i even can’t get a therapist,even online,i just want help.please.i dont want to be like those girls that find out they liked women all the time,im scared,i miss my old feelings and trusting.i hate this.i just want to die if its mean hocd to go.i feel like its so real and i will love a girl no way in hell future.i even feel its not wrong to like women,like its much better and more soft that men,but i just can’t.I can’t.i dont know,i did everything.i gave myself permission to find out or explore my attraction to the both genders but it hurts me more.i dont want to get hurts again anymore.just remembering i have no experience or clue i like men even if in past felt like i would like and date a man and liven with him,i keep reminding its all was Based on imagination…even if i was wishing to love a man,hocd ruined this peaceful feeling,i was really find peaceful of loving a man.but now,i don’t feel like before,and this scares me,i don’t know what to do.I can’t have a therapist,and dont even know how to get better,,,

I’ve been dealing with SOOCD for over a year now, and I have been having a very hard day today. I feel like I just need someone to talk too, my whole life I’ve always had girl crushes and always wanted to be romantic with women . Ever since I posted this picture on instagram and one person said I looked “zesty” in it , which is when I started obsessing about being gay . I feel like I put so much meaning to these thoughts where now I’m always checking how I feeling around men. I had a really bad porn addiction for a long time and bad anxiety which fucked up my sex drive. I feel like I doubt if I’m attracted to women when I know I am , but the doubt is so overbearing where I start to believe it . I never was interested in men sexually, and my ocd makes me feel like I like the thoughts even though I feel no pleasure out of it. I feel like I lost who I am as a person . It feels like I don’t even know what my sexuality is and it’s really upsetting to me . I meant this girl the other day and she is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met and I just feel like ocd is getting in the way😭😭😭 please any advice or comments

Need some advice please. I'm trying to fix my social anxiety, self esteem and confidence but ocd infests itself and makes me I had all these issues because I my ocd was true all along. For example, Im extremely uptight/awkward around people and have a fear of being judged, laughed at or seen through, fear of not being liked etc. One cause of this I read is it's because i suppressed my real self/feelings and pretended to put on a fake mask to be liked by others/fit in and now that im older that mask is breaking and causing me disconnect from my real self. My hocd inserts itself and makes me feel because I was gay all along without knowing it is why it happened. It genuinely feels like that's the case but then I feel dreaded and depressed because it feels so real I'm ready to accept that scenario. But back then I didnt think I could have been gay or anything. Im not sure how to handle this difficulty. Please any advice?