BradOCD
- Date posted
- 3y
Sparker1289Sparker1289
- Date posted
- 3y
Lol! Yes
BradOCDBradOCD
- Date posted
- 3y
Hello there, how have you been getting on
Sparker1289Sparker1289
- Date posted
- 3y
@BradOCD Still in the mud. Still doing my ERP. Getting to the gym now. Learning to accept uncertainty and continue as best as I can in my current friendship with benefits with the girl I "love". How about yourself?
BradOCDBradOCD
- Date posted
- 3y
@Sparker1289 Idk man very up and down. Had some longer periods of up which had been nice but they make the downs feel so much more real. I just feel like I’m in the closet now, if there was a button that made me heterosexual id press it without a second thought. But now it just feels like realisation idk
Sparker1289Sparker1289
- Date posted
- 3y
@BradOCD Yea man, I feel you. I am attempting to stay off these forums and REDDIT as I know it's not good for me and my therapist recommended that I stay off here. Unfortunately I am finding myself looking up too many YouTube videos today
BradOCDBradOCD
- Date posted
- 3y
@Sparker1289 Hey sorry for not replying sooner. It just feels too real to me now yano
Sparker1289Sparker1289
- Date posted
- 3y
@BradOCD Yes sir. I know exactly what you're saying. It is extremely true for me these days as well. I'm very confused as to how to navigate this for the rest of my life. I'm just sticking to the ERP and trying to love myself for who I am without acting on impulse
BradOCDBradOCD
- Date posted
- 3y
@Sparker1289 I won’t lie to you. I’ve actually given up on ERP and therapy. Because the more I do it the more it feels like I’m just realising myself
Sparker1289Sparker1289
- Date posted
- 3y
like kissing her is a compulsion?
Sparker1289Sparker1289
- Date posted
- 3y
wanting to be with her is a compulsion?
BradOCDBradOCD
- Date posted
- 3y
Yep exactly that. It’s now like my head turns for men instead of women. I look at her and feel next to nothing. We’ve literally just been to sign a contract so live in house together in 6 months and I just spent the whole time panicking that I don’t want to be in the relationship even tho I think I do but I just don’t know. It’s like I do want it to work but How can it work if I’m/maybe gay?
Sparker1289Sparker1289
- Date posted
- 3y
@BradOCD Oh buddy, I'm with you sir
BradOCDBradOCD
- Date posted
- 3y
@Sparker1289 Are you really? It just feels like I’m the only person feeling like this it just feels like I’m struggling to accept the truth then ocd anymore
Sparker1289Sparker1289
- Date posted
- 3y
Oh yes, I'm completely convinced I'm gay now. And struggling to come to terms with it. Now I'm fully believing in myself being comp het. It's amazing!
BradOCDBradOCD
- Date posted
- 3y
Amazing?
Sparker1289Sparker1289
- Date posted
- 3y
#sarcasm
BradOCDBradOCD
- Date posted
- 3y
It’s just idk what to feel because sometimes it feels like I could almost enjoy this new life style I just don’t understand what’s going on. And it’s like I still find my partner attractive and enjoy intimacy but it just feels different? Like it’s not enough or something idk
Sparker1289Sparker1289
- Date posted
- 3y
Yea, I don't know either. The compulsive heterosexuality thought is stuck with me now
BradOCDBradOCD
- Date posted
- 3y
What do you mean by that? If you don’t mind my asking?
Sparker1289Sparker1289
- Date posted
- 3y
Like I've just been a compulsive heterosexual my entire adulthood. Ive only acted in a "straight" way out of compulsion
BradOCDBradOCD
- Date posted
- 3y
I feel like this may be true for me too idk but it’s like I still find my partner attractive but it’s like it’s not enough anymore
BradOCDBradOCD
- Date posted
- 3y
Hey man how are you getting on
Sparker1289Sparker1289
- Date posted
- 3y
I'm doing terribly. I believe I'm gay
BradOCDBradOCD
- Date posted
- 3y
Ngl me too. And sometimes it’s like I want it. Why would I want it? It doesn’t even make logical sense because I find my gf attractive and I enjoy intimacy with her and always have. If anything I enjoy it more now than ever. But my brain just keeps telling me that I’m not happy and that I should just give in because I would feel better if I did
Sparker1289Sparker1289
- Date posted
- 3y
Yea, I don't know. But you should keep fighting the good fight and going to therapy. I'm probably going to have the conversation with my girlfriend soon after our Disneyland trip. I don't want to get too graphic but now I feel more anxiety towards intimacy with her than with a man.
BradOCDBradOCD
- Date posted
- 3y
Have a nice trip. I hope you can still enjoy it.
Sparker1289Sparker1289
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you sir! You got this!
Sparker1289Sparker1289
- Date posted
- 3y
I'm not happy about it at all. Seems fucked up that I have to go through this all of a sudden at 32. Erections during intimacy with your gf are no issue?
BradOCDBradOCD
- Date posted
- 3y
Luckily no
Sparker1289Sparker1289
- Date posted
- 3y
Sounds like you're on a good path my friend. Please, keep going
BradOCDBradOCD
- Date posted
- 3y
Every now and then I have these warm feelings that all will be okay and that I can stay with my gf and then they just disappear and I get all these thoughts about how I’d rather be with a man now. And now it’s like every man I see if attractive and I mean literally every man
Sparker1289Sparker1289
- Date posted
- 3y
Literally every man!
BradOCDBradOCD
- Date posted
- 3y
It just doesn’t feel like ocd anymore. It feels like I’m just suppressing the inevitable. It feels like I’m okay with it and I really don’t want to be but I can’t make myself not okay again? If that makes sense
Sparker1289Sparker1289
- Date posted
- 3y
Does it easily feel like you could act on kissing or doing more with said male you find attractive?
BradOCDBradOCD
- Date posted
- 3y
Yeah sometimes. It just feels like maybe this is what I’ve been destined for all along and that this will be a happier life for me even tho I was so so happy with my gf when we found eachother and now it’s like it’s all been taken away. And the worse thing is it feels like I want this new life now. I don’t even know if it is the ocd anymore or if I want it to be it’s just so confusing
BradOCDBradOCD
- Date posted
- 3y
How you doing sir?
Related posts
Anonymous123
- Date posted
- 24w
Thoughts make sense
I've always found women pretty and admired them since I was younger, never wanted to be with them or anything. I always pictured having a boyfriend and my crushes were always boys. I have a boyfriend now but because this has happened I feel nothing towards him or any men. To be honest I'm so exhausted I don't feel much at all, there was so much anxiety at the start and now there is none. Does that mean I have accepted the thoughts. My mind keeps going you were suppressed all these years but I do find women pretty so that's what's making it worse. Am I just in denial and being delusional? I never doubted my sexuality before this I always considered myself to be straight but I feels like my mind has been twisted and can't remember any attraction to guys but can remember thinking girls are pretty? Does this mean it's all real? I don't know anymore
rugirl48!
- Date posted
- 23w
Really bad night.
I was doing very well with all my thoughts but then they started to get really bad this week. I am very sure I am straight and only want to be with a man but I have such good relationships with my girl friends and my mind plays tricks on me and likes to make me think it’s more than just a friendship. And this voice in my head tells me it’s not disgusting when in reality I would never do anything physical with them at all.But they get so intense I start to believe it. I just am not sure how to get out of this cycle. Every time I get better I think about getting in a relationship with a man and i freak out (what if i don’t like it? does that mean ill have to be gay) and all these thoughts blow up in my face and so can’t take it anymore. My bestie is coming to visit me and the thoughts get so intense when she is around and i really want to be in a good head space to spend time with her because i know deep down she’s my best friend and nothing more. Any suggestion to help?
Anonymousesti
- Date posted
- 19w
Soocd while in a relationship
Is anyone here going throughbSOOCD while being in a relationship? If yes, do you feel like “something is missing” even tho everything is great? My OCD keeps on telling me “you’re settling” or “yeah you’re happy with what you have but its nothing compared to what you would be feeling if you were with a girl, but you’re with your bf for society!” Im soo tired!! When I look at him I find him so attractive and handsome but i dont know if im attracted to him or if he’s just attractive!! And while growing up I was never “pulled by guys” but I thought that everyone was this way! I also used to look at girls because I found them Beautiful but I thought that everyone used to look at them this way! I think what truly bothering me is “comphet” and the “lesbian masterdoc”. Like I feel like I can relate to some points! Yes I used to choosw my crushes growing up but it felt like everyone used to do the same thing! As for my current bf, we started out as friend and then it turned into something else but now im scared I just agreed to being his gf because “that’s what I had to do” and im scared that he’s my “beard”. I particularly got triggered yesterday because my friends were talking about their celebrities crush and I couldnt think about anyone without forcing it! Instead I could easily think about kristen stewart or someone with the same vibe. All of this + my feelings must mean something no??? I just want to feel “in love” my bf is perfect!
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