- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I think I already am those things and just overreacting and once I act on these thoughts and start acting like it, It will go away.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
You keep saying that you know your thoughts are true but this is exactly what OCD tells you. You need to build up courage to seek health before this gets even worse. Its either you can suffer or you can take breathe and get some help you can do this
- Date posted
- 3y
Its not ocd man, all my thoughts came true. I just cant wrap my head around that how will ocd therapy help me if these things have already happened and Ive figured them out. What would the therapist tell me, how will he formulate a recovery plan when there isnt even uncertainty. I think or rather I know until I act on these thoughts and accept them only then this depression will go away. I just want to kïll myself so I dont have to deal with this anymore
- Date posted
- 3y
@Imaan7 Do not harm yourself please. We all go through this with you. We all are in this hell. What if you accept the worst case scenario what if you just say ok that’s me so what and stopped paying attention to the thoughts ?
- Date posted
- 3y
@Noname0 I cant stop paying attention, its automatic, my brain is unable to think of anything else. Regardless the damage is done, I already am accepting it since they came true. I genuinely just dont want to live, this has been going on for too long
- Date posted
- 3y
@Imaan7 Is there any therapist or help you could seek, your brain makes you think it’s unbearable but it isn’t you can overcome this. There’s so many others going through the same stuff trust me
- Date posted
- 3y
@Noname0 I can but I dont think they can help me since these thoughts are already true and im just in denial about it. Its pointless,
- Date posted
- 3y
@Imaan7 You never know without trying. Talking and trying to live with those thoughts is something a therapist could help you with. Give it a try (:
- Date posted
- 3y
@Imaan7 Hey man, I can't offer you any advice but I can say that I am in this same boat with you. I am having extremely destructive urges and thoughts and obsessions. Like male prostitute level urges...I am almost to the point of checking into a psyche ward as one last attempt to get through this without having to admit to myself that I'm actually gay and need to follow through with this but perhaps in a healthier way. I am also attempting to not commit suicide and just accept myself for who I am. Again, no advice to offer other than I am here with you attempting to manage all of this. You are not alone
- Date posted
- 3y
@Sparker1289 That just makes me even more hopeless that im doomed forever.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
I’m sobbing right now. I’m convinced that I’ve been in denial all along and that it’s all real. It has to be now. I don’t wanna be a boy but I feel like there’s no way I’m not one if I’m doing these things. There’s no way I’m a cis girl if I’m doing these things. I’m so fucking done with life I feel absolutely trapped. I don’t wanna be a man but fuuuuuuuuck I think it’s real now I’m so fcking done with living. I really feel like I’ve been using OCD as an excuse/a cover up and I’m scared it’s all a facade. There’s no way it’s not real now I’m literally so fcking scared I want it all to stop. If anyone has advice please send some my way. I need it badly
- Date posted
- 20w
First I want to start off with, as a kid, my brother touched me inappropriately, I watched him do the same with my cousin, than later on I did the same to my cousin. I feel great shame for it and I have yet to forgive myself. Now, since than 10 years later, I have always loved women, fantasized about women, constantly prayed to have one and do things to be with one 1 day. I struggled with porn a lot as a kid because I was shown it at such a young age. I remember first watching lesbian porn, than moving to guy and girl, than countdowns, etc. I was so hooked that it took an identity crisis to end this porn addiction. (I have only been sober for 3 weeks.) Now I only mention this because I think my porn addiction somewhat ruined me, same way as what I did in the past did. A year ago, I started to talk to a childhood crush I had, and things felt so great. We started to get along but I knew all I wanted to do was have sex and move on as wrong as that is. I ended up falling in love with her and asked her to be my girl. 9 months in, we were having constant arguments and she had this problem where she couldn’t give me a break. We were with each other 24/7 and it felt like dealing with a sister at some point. I remember talking to my friends and asking them what would they do and they always advised me to leave but I was not willing to because I knew I loved her and the way I was feeling was temporary and couples argue. Couple weeks in, I started to have these thoughts that we weren’t going to work out and that I no longer found her attractive. I kinda ignored them because it simply wasn’t true, I still found her attractive and would get hard ons for her yet, I still had this mindset that, “Oh, there’s other hotter girls” and, “Your ex looked so much better.” and I couldn’t stop these thoughts. One day I randomly woke up and remembered what I did as a kid, my whole world felt like it flipped. The thoughts were now, “what if you don’t like her because you’re secretly gay?”. I first laughed at the thought because of how ridiculous it sounded, but than it just kept going. Two weeks from a cycle of unwanted thoughts (1st stage of my ocd), I finally got over the thought with simple toughness and determination, I did lots of research on what was going on with me and went with the, “thoughts are just thoughts” method. I was doing well until we watch a netflix documentary “American Murder: Gabby Petito” and all of a sudden my mind began to think, “What if I’m secretly a psychopath and want to kill my gf?”. For about a week straight, It’s all I was able to think about. It scared me so much and I didn’t know what to do. I started to get urges to KILL my gf. I didn’t know what to do so I left the room and crawled up in a ball, crying to god asking for help.These thoughts went away but were quickly replaced by, “You want to kill your gf because you’re just gay”. This sent me into such great panic, I couldn’t eat for days and couldn’t feel anything but anxiety. Days went by and I finally went to a doctor, at first I started to feel better as If I was getting help and things were going to be okay. The thoughts went away again as I began to start doing more things and get out of my room (head). I felt like I was back again, I was able to love my gf, I started to go to church, I felt that god was real and than boom. Here I am again and this time things have gotten really bad. I can’t stop “checking”. As soon as I wake up I check if my gf is “good” enough for me. I check my past and see if I have ever done anything that show signs of being gay. I check out other girls and guys to see whether or not I like one or the other. Even when I accepted the possibility that maybe I am just gay, my mind will fight me and tell me that I’m more than just gay. Truth is, I don’t know anymore. I’ve always loved girls and my gf. I don’t know if this is OCD anymore but I wish for my old life again. I’ve always been so proud of my sexuality and loved everything about it. I never been homophobic but gay stuff does make me uncomfortable. Each day feels like I lost another part of me. I feel like I can’t live like this anymore. I lost all my belief in god, my morals and value feel so weak, and my life is no longer a fun enjoyable thing to look forward to. I need help.
- Date posted
- 19w
So my OCD has been bad lately. I’ve been ruminating and obsessing over my sexuality again. And it just keeps getting worse. I hate it so much. I try to sit with the discomfort but then my ocd does the backdoor spike. And the groinal response is what keeps me looped. It SUCKS. I am not attracted to men, but my OCD is trying SO hard to convince me that I am. There have been days where I’m just so mentally exhausted that I “accept” what my ocd tells me and I just walk around a hollow, lethargic shell. But then I rethink it and I feel better. It feels like I can only find my TRUE self when I tire my nervous system out enough that it literally breaks down and has me suicidal and hopeless. And then accepting my OCD’s “truth” (that I’m attracted to men) feels like a burden and a chore. I woke up today from an OCD dream, tried to go back to sleep, and my stomach kept cramping bc I was so anxious and ruminating over my intrusive thoughts. I’m starting to doubt it being OCD anymore. My brain is too tired to fight and cry about it anymore.
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond