So I have this new obsession that I only find women attractive when I’m seeing them on my phone? And in reality I don’t find them attractive even tho I can think of plenty of times where I have found them attractive. And now it’s like all the times I’ve noticed a man is attractive I was just suppressing my sexuality. But it didn’t feel like there was anything to suppress. It’s clear to me now I’ve had HOCD for a while but it would just make me uncomfortable seeing an attractive man? And also now I’m worried that when I’ve watched porn that I’ve sometimes been turned on by the guy more than the girl? But regardless of all of this… I have never wanted to have a sexual relationship with a man… only women. Am I just in deep denial or?

I do understand this… thank you. I do worry that maybe I’ve always been gay or something and have just denied it because I’m scared what people will think. But I’ve only started thinking like this since the ocd started again. I had never considered it before.

@Dial Up I often find myself in a situation where I think if the ocd hadn’t have flared up I would’ve been perfectly happy.

@Dial Up But I just feel so convinced that I’ve always been attracted to men but just didn’t think anything of it up until now?

So if someone is born in a homophobic society they are prone to deny their sexuality?

@Dial Up Could you elaborate more on that please?

@Dial Up I think thats happening to me a little bit, I mean I believe and convinced Im in denial and liked guys but never noticed it until hocd came along. Not sure I dont really have the capability to think clearly or make sense of things.

@Dial Up I dont know, I think its real, I already believe it is, its just depressing me.

@Dial Up But how do I stop believing it’s more than just ocd. There just seems like there’s so much evidence staring me in the face that adds up to it being real

@Dial Up Thats the thing with me too, My thoughts and proof are very logical. Ive already believed in it months ago that I have indeed always been gay same time when my depression began. And instead of what I used to say before "I think I might be gay idk", I started saying "I am in denial". Because the proof was too much, and now there is even more from past and present.

@Dial Up I do hope this is true. But sometimes I don’t it’s very confusing