Hi. I really need an advice. Tomorrow my bf, is going to a party, and I started to be super jealous, and in anxiety. Here some specifications. - He is not really my bf, for now, we are dating! But we talked and we decided to be EXCLUSIVE (he asked that to me). - He has very feminine aspects, he went to a school where there were 4 boys and the others where girls! He prefer to talk with girls over boys; he can connect really easily with females, but not with boys. So it is really easier to find him with an another girl talking. Now that last poin for me at first was really a problem, because I thought that he was giving only to me that "special attention"! Than I found out that it is just his personality; but I am REALLY jealous at the idea of him "creating a strong connection" with an another woman. I understand that it is his way of being, and he doesn't do it to flert with others; but I am scared that other girls misunderstand, and start to want something with him! I know that I can't ask him to start do something that doesn't make him comfortable (like hang out more only with male friend)... that would just be selfish, but I also hate the fact that out there other girls considerate him as the the guy who you can talk about everything, that is funny, that can understand you very well... the person who you want a life with! I am really scared that someone can take him away from me! (Especially because I have a chronic illness, that make penetrative sex impossible for me... he chose to stay with me anyway; he never make me felt unwanted, but I know that he would love to be able to do it...) Tomorrow he will go to a party, with some of his friends! They received a birthday invitation from two girls that find (him and his 2 male friends) cute! The place is far; he will drive so he won't drink! After some times since the invitation; he also asked me if I want to go with them (actually his friend asked me, than he asked me), but I refuse! I wouldn't have known anyone, and I also don't like very much disco! I also find out that he was the one messaging with a girl friend of the birthday girl for deciding what to gift. That surely means that they exchanged numbers... I mean she could have chose one of his single friend.. and he should have said no! But it is just for the gift I think.. I didn't ask him too much, because like I said, we are just dating with exclusivity, and also because I don't want to thight him, or to be oppressive! We both have rocd, so it is a little difficult sometimes, I want to be absolutely sure on everything, and he tenta to be an avoidant... I trust him, and he would not cheat on me. In the worst case he would left me before... I really think so, but my feelings keep me so jealous and in anxiety and I hate that! :( Another things that makes me really upset is the fact that he keeps all his door open! All the females with this special bond (he never date them or anything; but they asked him and he posticipate or say no) would be always ready to be with him, he never "shut" those opportunities! Sorry for the long message. I had to throw it out from my head... My question is, how can I deal with jealousy, especially to accept this part of him? Or at least, what could be a compromise that we can talk about?

(Sorry for the long post!) So one of the OCD things that most affects me at times, and that I have not really found other people dealing with (in literature or in my work as a therapist working with people with OCD), is one that often relates to potential dating and people I am interested in. Typically, as a gay male, I meet people on chat apps or dating sites, so the first interactions are virtual. What I find often happens is that I sort of build an image of the person, and then if anything goes against that, I start to get anxious and the OCD kicks in. An example may work best. I started talking to a guy that I find incredibly attractive, and who seems to find me attractive as well, and when we became friends on instagram, I saw that he has done some amateur modeling for a friend who does pictures in various states of undress. There are a few in underwear, and a few with no clothes (no genitals are shown), and this started off the thoughts of "oh no, he must just want sex" or "I bet he is super promiscuous if he has pictures like these." This leads to me investigating the other photos on the site, and the guy who does the images to try and figure it out, what kind of work it is, etc. I even found a way to work it into a conversation with the guy, like "wow I don't think I could do that. You're braver than me," and he said he did it because the photographer is a husband of a coworker and expressed interest in doing the pictures, and he loves his body so didn't mind doing it, and they are really good friends now. OCD then gets triggered "he loves his body? That must mean he really IS promiscuous. What if he and the men also have threesomes?" This leads to intrusive thoughts of me having to picture this happening,or him having sex with other people, over and over until it "feels right." I'll recheck his dating profiles in which has said that he is "not into fast sex," and then think about and picture scenarios about how that could just mean he wants to talk to someone once before having sex. The OCD also affects conversations--if he doesn't get back to me quickly on WhatsApp, I scour the texts to see if I messed something up (ocd responsibility--it's always my fault). I texted him yesterday, and he hasn't looked at the messages (he has read receipts on WhatsApp), but I check and see that he has liked a post by someone on instagram or has posted a story, so I think "clearly he sees that I've messaged and is purposely ignoring it, because he hates me and wants nothing to do with me. That's it, I'm never going to hear from him again." We were supposed to hang out last week, but he asked to reschedule because he wasn't feeling well, so my OCD then said "he was at an event the night before, he probably met someone and is still at their house." He did text the next day to ask what my schedule was, and then said "perfect. I work in Lisbon until next Thursday" (I'm currently living in Porto, in Portugal, where he also lives), so he seems to be interested in hanging out, but then I think "he probably saw something that I did online or someone we both know in common somehow told him something and now he's done with me. Or maybe he met someone he's more interested in, and will just ignore me now." This type of experience has happened with several guys I've been interested in, and it has actually led to me pushing too hard and making them uncomfortable as I seek certainty, so I'm trying to be aware of that and not engage in that kind of behavior. I also realize that there are like a billion different OCD things in this post, and I'm writing another post as well related to how moral scrupulosity has been controlling my beliefs about sex, etc., something my new therapist identified after one session. Anyway, I just wanted to see if anyone has experienced anything along these lines, because when it happens it takes over and it is painful and I just want to rip it out of my head. Additionally, I never quite know how to manage exposure to this type of thing--there is the logical one of not checking social media, and not texting or re-reading texts, but it's also hard because I will actually force myself at times to think about him having sex with people, and then that makes me feel overwhelmed with anxiety, but I also can't suppress the thoughts, as that doesn't work, and am thus trying to do more of an ACT/acceptance approach. Unfortunately my therapist is out of town this week, so we can't work on anything surrounding this until next week. Thanks for taking the time to read this, and I apologize that it is so long, but it is just really sucks right now.

For some reason, my brain gets upset when my boyfriend hangs out with other people. I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but sometimes I can’t help it. I understand that he has a life outside of our relationship, and that’s great. He reassures me all the time, in fact, he often tells me he would rather spend time with me than with his friends. He’s a perfect partner, and I love him more than anything. However, I don’t want this to become an issue in our relationship. I know why my mind thinks this way, even though I don’t believe it to be true. My brain keeps telling me that he would rather be somewhere else than with me. Those words repeat in my head every time he’s out with friends, and I don’t know why. I want to find a solution to this obsessive and jealous thought so that I don’t ruin his time with friends. I really need help with this issue.❤️

I stated dating my boyfriend about 3 months ago. This is my first boyfriend ever. He’s been in 2 serious relationships in the past and multiple sexual partners. I’ve had neither. When we first started dating/ at one point were just friends, he told me a lot about the last girl he was in a relationship including their sex life. Fast forward to us dating for about a month and I found out he had been texting her. We almost broke up. But also for context she broke up with him because she figured out she was a lesbian. But still… anyways we moved past it. And now… I’m sure we can all see this coming… I have this theme! I think about his ex gf all the time. I stalk her on social media and try to find hints and clues about their relationship. I compare myself to her. It really impacts my relationship because I’ll get mad at him for no reason. For example we went thrifting recently and he picked out stuff that completely wasn’t my style, but was hers. Which made me spiral. Is he purposely dressing me like her? Does he want me to be someone else, someone like her? The whole texting her thing was put in the past. I’ve forgiven him. But I can’t help but have resentment towards him and think/ visualize all these thoughts about them together and how I’ll never measure up to that. It makes me think I shouldn’t have got into a relationship. That maybe I’m better off by myself. But like all of us. I wish I didn’t have these thoughts. I wish I could believe he liked me for me. But sometimes it’s really hard.