Hi. I really need an advice. Tomorrow my bf, is going to a party, and I started to be super jealous, and in anxiety. Here some specifications. - He is not really my bf, for now, we are dating! But we talked and we decided to be EXCLUSIVE (he asked that to me). - He has very feminine aspects, he went to a school where there were 4 boys and the others where girls! He prefer to talk with girls over boys; he can connect really easily with females, but not with boys. So it is really easier to find him with an another girl talking. Now that last poin for me at first was really a problem, because I thought that he was giving only to me that "special attention"! Than I found out that it is just his personality; but I am REALLY jealous at the idea of him "creating a strong connection" with an another woman. I understand that it is his way of being, and he doesn't do it to flert with others; but I am scared that other girls misunderstand, and start to want something with him! I know that I can't ask him to start do something that doesn't make him comfortable (like hang out more only with male friend)... that would just be selfish, but I also hate the fact that out there other girls considerate him as the the guy who you can talk about everything, that is funny, that can understand you very well... the person who you want a life with! I am really scared that someone can take him away from me! (Especially because I have a chronic illness, that make penetrative sex impossible for me... he chose to stay with me anyway; he never make me felt unwanted, but I know that he would love to be able to do it...) Tomorrow he will go to a party, with some of his friends! They received a birthday invitation from two girls that find (him and his 2 male friends) cute! The place is far; he will drive so he won't drink! After some times since the invitation; he also asked me if I want to go with them (actually his friend asked me, than he asked me), but I refuse! I wouldn't have known anyone, and I also don't like very much disco! I also find out that he was the one messaging with a girl friend of the birthday girl for deciding what to gift. That surely means that they exchanged numbers... I mean she could have chose one of his single friend.. and he should have said no! But it is just for the gift I think.. I didn't ask him too much, because like I said, we are just dating with exclusivity, and also because I don't want to thight him, or to be oppressive! We both have rocd, so it is a little difficult sometimes, I want to be absolutely sure on everything, and he tenta to be an avoidant... I trust him, and he would not cheat on me. In the worst case he would left me before... I really think so, but my feelings keep me so jealous and in anxiety and I hate that! :( Another things that makes me really upset is the fact that he keeps all his door open! All the females with this special bond (he never date them or anything; but they asked him and he posticipate or say no) would be always ready to be with him, he never "shut" those opportunities! Sorry for the long message. I had to throw it out from my head... My question is, how can I deal with jealousy, especially to accept this part of him? Or at least, what could be a compromise that we can talk about?

harryy

Date posted: 4y

Jealousy is hard because it just happens you feel like you want someone all to yourself, but that’s not always good because it can cause rifts in a relationship. I think you just need to be able to trust your relationship and set up boundaries and talk to him about what is making you upset. If he doesn’t know then how will he know how upset you are? If you keep letting it build up it’ll just be worse in the end, and know that sometimes getting the worst things off your mind can also be the easiest so don’t be afraid to tell or confront him about anything if your relationship is a strong one than honesty and trust should be deeply rooted in it.

Saraa

Date posted: 4y

Thank you. You're soo right. But the thing that stop me, is that I don't know what a solution could be. I don't what him to change his character, I don't want to "possess" him, neither I want to make him fill tight in a relationship with me. I'm scared that talking without knowing what a compromise can be, will only make him feel "not right" and the situation worse...

harryy

Date posted: 4y

@eoid A good way to compromise is to have you both come up with a compromise, or just make it known that you just really care about him, and you won’t know how he feels till you talk. You aren’t supposed to now everything so stop feeling bad for not knowing things you dont. It’s gonna be okay, just approach the situation with comfort and ease. If you need anything resources are here and so am I :))):):):):).

Saraa

Date posted: 4y

@harryy Thank you❤

Saraa

Date posted: 4y

It would be so selfish telling him "I hate the fact that you have close friendship, and can bond really well with other girls... you can have just boys and me!" I would hate that too sincerely, I think that there's should be freedom in a relationship! But jealous feelings stay :(

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