Can anyone familiar with so-ocd please chat?

what happens to me is that i sometimes ruminate about the possibility of being a lesb after a failed relationship with a guy. when i stop focusing on that i naturally start dating guys again and like it. its only when i fail that i get those thoughts. my nature is being straight. or at least thats what i like to believe. after my last breakup about a month ago, i couldn't take the intrusive thoughts anymore with rocd taking over my whole relationship. it all began with so ocd and it turned into rocd. so thats where im confused as shit... is it just me being gay and forcing myself to be in a relationship and that is wht caused the rocd? or am i just a sufferer who recently realized she has ocd

But It already feels like Ive figured it out, I think i have the answers and thats why im having depression

Ok here goes, My mother just asked me to go for a drive with her, well. She sees me oversleeping everyday, having a terrible routine etc Its true but the depression is bad so Im unable to do anything hence the reason for the drive. She started asking me about how I was doing in school and what my plans were for the future, my whole family is very dependent on me pretty much, they want me get a career and get settled as soon as possible. And here I am struggling to get out of bed everyday. Anyways after 20 minutes of going around in circles avoiding tell her whats happening with me, I told her that Im having anxiety, depression and ßuicidal thoughts, and she replied oh its common, its not a big deal etc etc made me think if im exxagerating my problems, its not her fault for thinking this way she has very old fashioned thinking. She kept telling me do Wim hof breathing, change my routine, push myself to exercise and do all the general healthy things which i agree with but Its depressing me so hard that I confused myself really badly with these thoughs and will never be able to recover. I told her I want to see a therapist, she said dont those doctors will tell you to go act on these thoughts etc its considered normal here etc. It triggered me pretty bad bc If Im actually gay or trans I dont know what i would do, my whole life will change man. I have alot of pressure on my back to make money and get settled but my brain hasnt been able to think about anything else since this began in May 2020. Im deeply confused and scared, I dont want to commit ßuicide and leave my mother alone, she will lose her mind if I end up doing that. I want to get better but I dont know what to do. She dosent believe in these things which makes me doubt if these issues are real either.

I would love to talk with anyone tbh but I dont know if our symptoms will match, Im afraid Im just gay

@Imaan7 then get out there!!!!!!!! there is so much for you out there... one time i was very afraid to tell my mom i didn't believe in god. she told me that she was very disappointed and that she had failed as a parent. i couldn't bare but to feel sad obviously but eventually we never even talked about it again. she is my mom and she will not be disgusted by me just by simply telling her i have made my decision. all i am saying is... it will be a big deal for about a week or two... then it will go back to normal. no big deal