just going to vent here. i’ve always had sexual themes of ocd probably due to my trauma. i’ve always suffered from POCD mainly but now i’m really struggling with other sexual themes like intrusive thoughts about sexual assault of people any age. it’s gotten so bad i don’t even leave my apartment except for going to class and when i need food. i finally signed up to do some volunteering at the animal shelter near me, and every sing time i walk pass someone no matter how far or how close to them my brain goes “you did something bad to them” and i know it doesn’t make sense but my brain is just so convincing. i’m also so so hyper focused on where my hands are at all times to the point i can’t even walk pass someone without my hands having to be together bunched up glued to my body. i have to go back to work soon when i come home from college and i just know my intrusive thoughts are going to be on fire and i’m going to be even more depressed than i already am. i deal so bad with these stupid false memories and intrusive thoughts. i really just don’t know how i can live a normal life like this. i was just getting over my POCD NEVER had problems with anything else until now. it’s like this stupid disorder want to ruin every single aspect of my life. i’ve always been a huge advocate for anti sexual assault and victims of it. it’s something i’m so passionate about and it’s a huge part of my morals. and now i just feel like a terrible person all . the . time and i’m so depressed and lonely all the time. they do say OCD attacks your morals, but that’s doesn’t make me feel any better.

I understand what you are feeling. I feel your pain. OCD is going to attach itself to whatever is important to you and you have a high moral standard. I know you said that doesn't help and I understand. It's mostly because you are stressed and depressed and in that state it's hard to understand or process anything. What you need right now is not logic but Love. You have to love yourself even with those thoughts. That doesn't mean you agree with them. The fact is you never will. Fear is telling you that you will but in reality you have never done it and you never will. That's why OCD is attacking you on that topic. Use it against itself. Try to do ERP by not putting your hands together and not apologizing for thinking you have bump into somebody. You will feel the anxiety but can starve the compulsion. This will require practice and intentionality and the awareness that you will feel distress but with time and patience you will teach your brain that you are safe and that he can calm down. Hope this helps.

i am on 4 different psychiatric medications for other things and ocd and they were helping for a while and now it’s slowly fading. my doctor increased one of them i just really hope it helps me get back on track. it’s so hard to talk about these types of themes with a therapist.

also i know these thoughts are so irrational i can’t even bump into a chair without saying sorry. i have huge problem with over apologizing for everything and sometimes i thought i’ve bumped into people and have said sorry a lot and they’re like what? these thoughts just make no sense and i know that but my brain is so convincing i start to believe maybe they are true