After being certain, convinced and believing I am my thoughts for many months I tried doing uncertainty last night to stand up to my brain but unfortunately It just confirmed my hunches. I was watching this show and all it did was confirm that my thoughts and feelings are real and they will happen/ stay there once I get past depression/anxiety bc they are my in my nature. I dont think Im capable of being attracted to women and I dont think I was truly attracted to them my whole life even if I was I think Im more gay than straight which is kind of saddening. I keep having thoughts/doubts/feelings that Im a girl inside and proofs from my past keep popping up. When I was watching this show and seeing the girl flirt with the guy she likes it felt like it was me doing that and with ease since ive been comfortable around guys growing up. And it wasnt doubt like ocd doubt it was like when someones discovering themselves. Idk Im just exhausted and depressed, It feels like I want to change and have to change, I cant bring myself to say that I dont want to like I did before when ocd began. I really think this is just my true self that ocd made me realize and now im just depressed about it. Its making me so ßuicidal and anxious.