- Date posted
- 3y
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Hi there! Thank you so much for your willingness to share on here. The main OCD subtype that I experience is SOOCD, and it is definitely so distress and I’m so sorry you’re experiencing that. I have definitely avoided being around certain people who trigger me, but I was letting OCD win by doing that! I know it’s going to be difficult, but you’re absolutely doing the right thing by jumping back into cheer knowing that there is a trigger there! You’re showing your OCD that it can’t control your life and that you’re the one in charge. I’m proud of you for getting back into things! You’re doing an amazing job. Report back and let us know how it goes!
- Date posted
- 3y
Its really kinf od you for responsding on my post thanks it means a lot! I had my first pratique tonifht and it was difficult but i manage to finish it! Or course at thé end i had a lot of thoufhts about that same person ans i was avares to go to sleep but i did it
- Date posted
- 3y
Hi is it okay if we talk about SOOCD?
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- 3y
@missbluesky Yes sure
- Date posted
- 3y
@S.verv20 How long have you had HOCD?
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- 3y
@missbluesky I think it’s since like primary, 11-12 years old but I’m questioning my self if it was really that at that moment and you?
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- 3y
@S.verv20 I was 12 years old too! It’s honestly such a trigger for me, because I feel like because that’s the age most people find out they’re gay that it couldn’t have been ocd.
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- 3y
@missbluesky Yes same! What trigger you the most and what is the thoughts that you hate the most
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- 3y
@S.verv20 Things that I have done/ that have happened in the past that feel like very clear indicators that I’m at the very least bisexual. What about you?
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- 3y
@missbluesky Same, when I was young and also friend that I have, they are huge trigger for me because my head tell me that I like them so im afraid to have new friends and I’m afraid of people touching me! What helps you the most
- Date posted
- 3y
@S.verv20 Nothing, really. My HOCD is on and off in terms of severity. When it’s better, it’s still In the back of my mind. I’m never really free of it.
- Date posted
- 3y
@missbluesky Same, I never had a break like I always think of it. Each time I do something or I see something or I say something it’s always there to see if I’m okay or I’m not lying etc
- Date posted
- 3y
@S.verv20 Are you able to function in like your day to day life? I worry that because I still have the thoughts but can live my life to a okay extent without serious anxiety that it’s not ocd and that I’m just in denial.
- Date posted
- 3y
@missbluesky Yes i can live my life like normal but it’s always there but I have a lot of problem to do activities with my family because I always have the feeling that I’m lying and they will be mad etc
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- 3y
@S.verv20 I just feel so scared because the anxiety is so minor but the thoughts remain
- Date posted
- 3y
@S.verv20 It really feels like I’ve been in denial since I was 12
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- 3y
@missbluesky Yes same!
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- 3y
@S.verv20 Are you followed by a professional ?
- Date posted
- 3y
@S.verv20 I have gone through NOCD erp twice but I’ve never fully committed to it. I always am doing compulsions the whole time
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- 3y
@S.verv20 Are you diagnosed?
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- 3y
@missbluesky No i have not been diagnosed because I lives in Quebec and It’s very difficult to find someone like a therapist who is in ocd like I have seen 4 therapist but none understood what I had the whole time
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- 3y
@S.verv20 Do you have things that have happened in your past that you feel mean you’re lesbian/bi?
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- 3y
@missbluesky Yes i have when I was younger and a lot of dream too why?
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- 3y
@S.verv20 I do too. It just seems like there’s too much evidence pointing to me being bisexual for me to ignore these thoughts, especially because it’s been happening since I was 12.
- Date posted
- 3y
@missbluesky Are you in a relationship
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- 3y
@S.verv20 No. Are you?
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w
trigger warning!!!!!! I’m really scared right now. I’ve been reading Elle Warren’s articles about her experience with HOCD/SO-OCD, and it feels so similar to mine. She went through the same fears of being a lesbian, felt distressed by her attraction to women, and spent hours ruminating, Googling, and analyzing her feelings. She even experienced groinal responses and revisited old memories, just like I do. Eventually, she had a moment of realization in college when she flirted with a girl, and everything clicked. She now identifies as a lesbian. I’m terrified that the same thing will happen to me. I thought the OCD fears were supposed to never be true and that HOCD thoughts are usually just compulsions that don’t end up being real. But reading her story, it’s like I’m seeing my own experience mirrored. What if it clicks for me, just like it did for her? What if I realize that I am a lesbian? Elle’s story makes me so scared. I thought my feelings of attraction to women were just OCD-driven, and now I’m questioning everything. I thought I was straight, but now, reading her journey, I’m wondering: could my OCD fears actually be real? Elle’s experience was very similar to mine: • She got distressed when she thought she might like women, not relieved. • She spent a lot of time ruminating, Googling, analyzing, and comparing. • Her attraction to women only became intense when her OCD flared up. • She said things like, “I feel peace when I believe I’m straight.” • She had already been diagnosed with OCD and had a history of this pattern. After years of fear and distress, Elle had a moment of calm and realized that it was true. I’m scared that this could happen to me too. Will I have a similar moment of acceptance, where everything clicks and I realize I’m gay? Or will I come to accept that this is all OCD, and that I’m straight, with the possibility that I’m not? I also keep thinking back to when my OCD lessened the first time. Did I go back to men because I wasn’t actually attracted to women, or was it just because the grip of the OCD had loosened? Elle also talked about the shame associated with non-heterosexuality. She mentioned that, like many of us, she had internalized stigma around being gay, and that it made her fear the possibility of being non-heterosexual. I can relate to this so much—growing up, I never saw it as an option to be anything other than straight, and now it’s hard to shake that fear and shame. Elle mentioned that she found reassurance in seeing other people with HOCD who worried that their fears would come true, but eventually realized they were just OCD thoughts. That idea is comforting, but also a little scary, because what if that moment of realization happens for me too? What if I finally accept that I am a lesbian? Or, what if I’m just struggling with OCD and eventually realize I’m straight? I just don’t know. The scariest part is that, just like Elle, I feel like I don’t have any obvious signs. She had no idea she was a lesbian until one day, everything clicked. She was 21, just like me when my OCD fears really flared up, and she had a breakthrough moment in Denver when she made friends with lesbians. That hasn’t happened for me yet, and it’s terrifying to think that it could happen in the future. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m really scared about where this will lead.
- Date posted
- 19w
hi i’m a lesbian! and i have known im a lesbian for a really long time and i have a sweet girlfriend of 1 year. it all started when i saw this masc lesbian come out as straight, after that i had my guy friend over and he’s a sweet guy and he was flirting with me (he didn’t know i was gay) im not sure but i panicked and my brain froze and i was like “do i like him”, ever since my brain has been over worked 24/7 for 2 months now and it’s spiralling constantly. im trying to control it but all these thoughts are so disgusting and my brain tries to put him and i in scenarios that make me uncomfortable and i feel panic and i hate it. i have always been comfortable being a lesbian and i still am comfortable as a lesbian, but i dislike these thoughts i have about him and men and i want it to be over. i do not want to experiment with men even tho my brain is telling me i do, i find it disgusting and i dread it, i have a sweet girlfriend and i want to be with her forever, i do not imagine anything with any men and i hate these thoughts. im scared of becoming bisexual/straight one day and i hate hearing sexuality is fluid. its a whole mix of comphet and so-ocd
- Date posted
- 18w
I don’t know what to do anymore, this started nearly a year ago and caused so much stress and panic attacks over the thought of loosing my boyfriend. Now it just feels real and that he always liked girls and suppressed it (but like the boys i always liked in the past were real feelings they had to be and with my boyfriend i love him) but i haven’t got much anxiety now feels like i want the thoughts and that they don’t bother me even tho they used to, this seems to happen every time i get a lil better, idk just feels so true and that’s what i acc want with no stress, just a lil scared.
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