Hello everyone. I need a friend to talk to... Please don't hate me... I just need to vent because I've been crying over this. When me and my gf started dating, I had this horrible intrusive thoughts of "do I deserve better?" and I feel like I half-agreed with them... It was a very selfish moment of me I feel so guilty non-stop after those initial thoughts. I can't stop thinking about how disgusting I am and how she deserves so much better. She's so caring and so loving. She's my definition of perfect They happened during periods of time when I don't experience romantic feelings for her.... Idk why they happen.... They just do. I feel completely aromantic (person incapable of experiencing romantic feelings) sometimes.... And it brings these awful thoughts. I just keep feeling that she deserves so much better than me... And I have been crying feeling like I don't deserve her...

chattachana

Date posted: 3y

Hi friend, everything is okay. You can forgive yourself for thinking about anything, those are just thoughts. In relationships, most people do not feel the romance after a certain period of time and that is normal. It becomes like a very solid friendship in which you can have the extra that you can't have with a normal friend. It's actually very normal to not experience romantic feelings after a while. I also experience feelings where I think my partner deserve better than me and I'm currently working on that by rewiring my brain towards a more positive thinking. There's also a big thing in OCD is that we take too many responsibilities on our shoulders, especially the happiness and well-being of our partner (if rocd). A lot of people in rOCD experience extreme guilt to leave their partner but express understanding if their partner were to leave them instead. This is because the rOCD assume all responsibilities from the relationship. Overall, I understand and I want you to know you can work this out!

myocdstory2

Date posted: 3y

Thank you... I do love her a lot and I'd never want to break up with her... But I do have these thoughts sometimes... When I don't have feelings for her I keep thinking that maybe I don't like her anymore and that I should break up but then that "off" period stops and I feel so guilty for having such thoughts in the first place! As much as I try to not have these thoughts, I still have them. Due to feelings, emotions I have. I feel like I can't control them. And I always end up guilty because I didn't dismiss them and genuinely thought that "I deserve better" or "I should break up". Am I a horrible person?

chattachana

Date posted: 3y

@myocdstory2 Don't fall into compulsions. There's no such thing as horrible thoughts, thoughts are just thoughts and they do not define you. Knowing that, it means you don't need to deny or agree with them. I know it's hard, but you should detach yourself from these thoughts and accept that the brain think about these things sometimes and that is ok too.

myocdstory2

Date posted: 3y

@Aritreki I try to do that.. It's just sometimes I can't distinguish of ocd from actual thoughts

chattachana

Date posted: 3y

@myocdstory2 And that is okay too! Tell yourself "Today I am confused, and I don't need to figure it out right now." It's all ok, take moments to put yourself back on track and not dive into questioning the thoughts. You can do this, I know this is hard ❤️❤️

myocdstory2

Date posted: 3y

@Aritreki Thank you... You were so kind to me... I truly appreciate it

[Deleted]

Date posted: 3y

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myocdstory2

Date posted: 3y

Thank you so much... ❤️

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