- Username
- myocdstory2
- Date posted
- 2y ago
Hey, Please don’t worry, I really don’t think it’s your fault, to me this sounds like manipulation and guilt tripping on your friends end. Please don’t feel you are at fault, I would recommend still avoiding said friend or even cutting them off entirely, it seems like he is forcing himself on to you and that’s causing you to act how you do.
Hi! Thank you for replying... I think so too... I'm slowly cutting him off because of my mental health. But I'm doing it slowly so he doesn't harm himself. The other day I told him that I wasn't feeling comfortable with the jokes anymore and he replied in such a angry way.... And guess what? He didn't stop? I'm getting so fed up.... And so tired...
I feel horrible that you have to experience that, I can tell that he is causing you a lot of mental stress. In my opinion if he tries to harm himself you should tell someone responsible, and if he responds angrily, that’s a red flag, an agry reaction to you asking for something that would help your discomfort could lead to something dangerous, perhaps even mental or physical abuse.
Thank you for your support! And yes! You are absolutely right! It's manipulation. I have noticed a few months back. (it will never be a physical abuse because he's from another country) but... He has told me that he wants to visit and I don't want him to visit anymore because I'm afraid of abuse like you said...
@myocdstory2 Im glad that you are able to recognize and agree that the way he is treating you isn’t right, and if he lives in a different country, you haven’t met him before, and he is obsessive, that sounds sketchy and dangerous.
Hey I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling with that. Are you doing ERP? Because it sounds like you have a lot to work with here. I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but you have to lean into the idea that maybe you do have a small crush on them. Maybe you do flirt with them sometimes. You may be gay but you might also think they’re kind of cute. Truth is, the more you fight these thoughts the stronger they get. You have to accept the fact that you just don’t know. 2 years ago my ROCD was unbearable but now I’ve learned acceptance and it’s changed my life for the better
Sorry for the late reply!! It didn't warn me.... I just... I don't want to cheat... And flirting for me is cheating! I'm crying thinking about it.... I'm so afraid that I cheated on my gf. I have so many ocd topics and I can't fight all of them at the same time.... It's so painful. I'm so happy to hear that you are doing better though!
@myocdstory2 Yeah it sucks. You don’t have to fight it all at once. It’s a slow process, but it’s definitely doable. If it’s too much you should see a therapist. But I promise if you put in the work you can get better. But you have to let go of the ruminating and accept what I said earlier
I’m so sorry you are going through this! This sounds extremely challenging and like a lot of anxiety that I am sure makes your relationship more challenging. (I know I shouldn’t be offering you reassurance) but there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a crush or flirting with someone else when in a relationship. I agree with drvmstick, try doing some exposure therapy and sitting with these feelings of anxiety. I know it’s challenging but it might really help you. Also expressing to your girlfriend your OCD thoughts. Because that’s all they are, thoughts. It might help you to say them aloud especially to someone you love who loves you, while trying to avoid reassurance obviously. You can get through this! I believe in you.
Hi! I'm so sorry for the late reply! Thank you... I'm just very overwhelmed rn and crying because I feel like I cheated on my gf. I don't mind the crush part (I can't control it) but I mind the flirting.... Because it feels like I cheated on my gf and I can't stop crying over it
Hi all, I'm new here and I guess self diagnosed or unsure of if I have HOCD. So I'd just like to get my story out there and just see if it's relatable at all or if I'm just denying my feelings, if anyone can respond..(sorry for a long one) It's been causing me a lot of stress lately and it can't shake the constant loop of thoughts like "Am I a lesbian", "you're not boy crazy so you must not be attracted to men", " you fit these stereotypes so that must mean you are". It all started when I was young like 13/14 when I had watched lesbian porn online accidentally at first and then I had watched a few more because it was the first time I had watched porn at all, let alone same sex porn. So I guess I was curious at the time and like you read "sexual things can cause a sexual response". So I was fine with what I watched but then like a few years later it was like, you watched that video and had a sexual response that must mean you liked it and want to be in that type of relationship. And that really stuck in my head. I began thinking about how I've never had a boyfriend and never felt like my friends when they would be drooling over boys, but I just assumed that having a boyfriends was something I'd get when I was older and like ready. Like I did have crushes, but also had low self esteem and just assumed that no guy would ever like me. Additionally I don't think I've ever looked at another girl and felt attracted to them or the need to be with them. But then reading things online caused me to doubt that. Anyways the thoughts come and go and sometimes I'm able to tune them out for months or years, but recently I have been really stressed about them. I currently have a boyfriend and I enjoy spending time and being with him. But these thoughts have been causing a lot of anxiety with respect to my relationship because then I think am I just dating him to his my feelings,I'm just stringing him along and using him. But I know that I don't want to break up. I find that I am searching stuff online a lot to try and find an answer, and then reading all those things makes me compare myself. Like the stereotypes and things I put to myself like oh I like playing sports that's a masculine thing, and how I dress and I don't find myself pretty or dainty so that must mean I'm not girly. It's a thought overload and making me so anxious because I feel like I don't know myself anymore and that I fear I've been lying to everyone if I figure out that I'm not straight. and like even if I thought I was bisexual that would be okay because that doesn't completely eliminate dating men, and I could still only date men. But being completely on the other end of the spectrum would feel like I'd have to completely shift my thoughts to fit and make these looped thoughts go away. I guess all I want to know is if this is normal or if it's ocd at all, am I just lying to myself or trying to hide my true self because I'm afraid of the consequence?? And I know that reassurance seeking which I shouldn't do hahah but this is my first time seeking ocd help and I may not get a therapist soon because of where I live.
I'm writing this with fear and shame, i really love him. I do love him i don't know how to tell you how i really love him i just can't explain how but i really love him. Me and my partner are dating for almost 8th months, our 1st-5th months was very genuine, beautiful it just feels so perfect (not having this unwanted thoughts). Until we reach 6th months we started to have this nonsense arguments, he start to bring up my past, to the point that he will feel upset then i will feel sorry for dating them, this continue to happen for 3 weeks or 4. I give him the reassurance because he deserve that. I give everything so that he wouldn't feel insecure. He always tell me not to leave him. Not to cheat on him. And i undrestand bcs i know that his ex cheated to him, as much as i can i give him the reassurance. Then sunddenly i have this unwanted thoughts, about this 1 ex who is my classmate, who gave me a trauma. -What if i haven't moved on to him? -What if i'm cheating to my partner? - His feelings? my man's feeling he will get hurt - Why am i thingking this? am i really cheating? - This is emotional cheating Searching - How to know if you really love your partner - What is the meaning if you're thingking about your ex -How to know. if your partner is the one -Signs that you're missing your ex etc... This make me feel guilty, and ashame because i started to have unwated images also its like a tv then my ex will pop up then even music, movies, or even a book! i can't even rear or watch or hear a single song because it made me think that i relate to that song, i relate to that movie, i relate to that one line in that movie. Its crazy for example i'm watching tiktok, then boom the first who comes in my mind is that ex, anddd thisssss make meeee goo crazinggg i having this battle with my brain, i keep saying the name of my partner how i love him i just can't control it. Until i got my first key word by searching which is *Unwanted thoughts Then boom, Rocd So i search, youtube,fb,tiktok,google every information that i can have i watched awakening into love every rocd channel that i can find. I analyze every situation just to know where it started, how it started so that i can explain to my partner properly, until one day i finally have this courage to tell him he say sorry, and he feel sorry so we have this rule in rs now "we won't bring up past na" he stopped doing it na, i gave him information abt it then yeah he stop doing it na, but it still hunt me. Im sorry for my grammar, im not really good at english. I really did my best to explain this as much as i can. i just want an advice. :)❤
First time posting! My therapist recommended that I give this app a look. Hopefully this isn’t too much to read and a another trigger warning for anyone sensitive to SA and sexual themes (straight and gay). Anyways I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now and he is my first. During the first year we were together, I actually got diagnosed with OCD and ADHD. Was on meds for both but stopped because I didn’t want to be reliant on meds and wanted to overcome them without it. The OCD started off with ROCD. I constantly had thoughts about cheating on him and leaving him because “I’m not his type” or he only got with me because he’s desperate. I freak out sometimes when he looks at my phone because I think that I downloaded a dating app and a notification will pop up. I would constantly ask for reassurance from him and make sure he loved me for who I am. I constantly felt guilty and had anxiety attacks whenever the thoughts came in. The thoughts deceive me into thinking that I’m unhappy with the relationship and that it’s doomed to end. Then it evolved into SO-OCD. A quick backstory was that I always and only had crushes on boys up until college. I went to an art school where most of not all of the girls were part of the LGBT+. I think that influenced me to be more “open” with my sexuality. I had a friend who was a girl who I “developed” a crush on. I’m pretty sure it was because I liked the attention and being influenced by a lot of my friends. What makes me think it was just because of attention was that I never thought about the sexual part. I was very lonely and craved any amount of attention and I was desperately wanting to be loved. I never dated anyone in my life and it showed. I even confessed but she rejected me. Later I was constantly sexualized by who I thought were my friends. I was even molested and groped by a girl while I was drunk and high and was about to pass out. Ever since then I’ve been very cautious around female friends especially if I’ve been drinking. When I was confident enough to go on dating apps I only put interested in men since I was sure I am straight. My SO-OCD makes me not trust the women in my life and not to get close to any female. I have thoughts that I am a lesbian in denial and that I am lying to everyone around me. That I’m leading my boyfriend on and that I should be with a women. Looking at myself in the mirror and imagining a lesbian lifestyle. When I try on certain clothes or get my hair done I think “I look so gay” or “I should get a pixie cut or shave my head so I look more gay”. (I’m sorry if that part offends anyone i’m just repeating my thoughts). I have detailed visions in my head of my having sex with women even though the thought repulses me. I get triggered from looking at a gay couple or even having conversations with a woman in the store. I constantly think that I should ask them out even though I have a boyfriend and I’m not really interested. I even have thoughts of messaging my family and coming out. I feel so guilty looking at my boyfriend and having those thoughts cloud my mind. Recently it’s been getting so bad that I’m convinced im completely gay and that im not attracted to him anymore. Sometimes I wish that I didn’t go to that college and maybe none of these thoughts would happen. I also feel that my OCD is invalidated because of my past. Like the OCD uses it as leverage to validate the intrusive thoughts. It makes me feel like I’m never going to get over this sometimes. I’m lucky enough to have the most amazing and understand boyfriend. Even though it is hard to tell him my thoughts he doesn’t judge me at all or take it personally. I feel super guilty whenever I get these thoughts because I love him to death. He means a the world to me and it kills me that I have these thoughts. Couldn’t ask for someone better to fight the OCD battle with. If you made it this far, thank you for reading. I appreciate it a lot and hopefully it wasn’t too much at a time. ❤️
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