- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Hey I felt exactly the same as you. Literally exactly. I got therapy from a nocd therapist and I'm doing a hell of a lot better. I'm not saying the every day is easy, I still have low points and question my sexuality every once in a while, but it's not CONSTANTLY on my mind anymore. Hell I had a panic attack yesterday because I got a groinal and Literally ran out of my boyfriend's house crying (he wasn't home). Today I'm back to feeling like myself. The difference between me prior to therapy and now is that I wasn't functioning back then. OCD likes to trick you and make you think there's no light at the end of the tunnel. In the moment it feels extremely real. It all felt real back then. When I go through my little blips like yesterday it feels absolutely 100 percent real. In those moments it feels like my whole life is going to change. I have to come out, leave my boyfriend, marry a women, the whole shabang. And it feels like I want it when it's happening! And then bam I stop panicking and life continues on normally and I'm back to being happy where I am. I don't know if I'm gay, I don't really care because I'm living by my values right now and that's what matters. No one really knows for sure and unfortunately no one will ever be "sure" about anything. Get treatment and THEN decide what you want to do.
- Date posted
- 3y
But I think I will want to be gay after i get better, it literally feels like this is the real me that I never realized all these years
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@Imaan7 Not giving reassurance but facts that stuff is figured out at a young age but ocd attacks that value thats most important to you, it can make it feel absolutely real but recovery is a process, just like all things it takes time my friend.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@Imaan7 I to have those thoughts , i try not to given into them but let them be there. The less you give ocd that attention the better
- Date posted
- 3y
@Sp1999 I dont know man, Although I dont believe it changes but alot of people can realize it later and I think Im one of them. I also think my past attraction to women and wanting a gf was just conditioned into me. Ive never even had a romantic crush or a close female friend, completely forgotten how I used to feel about females. Im so far down the hole of this, or maybe im not and whatever happened to me is a process idk if im making much sense but the anxiety is killing me.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@Imaan7 Have you read into mindfulness? Maybe that can help. But its okay to not know and to not be okay but you are strong, you can pull through this. I find talking about the thoughts allowed sorta helped me ease the anxiety
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@Imaan7 I understand bro no worries
- Date posted
- 3y
@Imaan7 That's fine if you want to be gay afterwards. It's actually irrelevant to getting treatment
- Date posted
- 3y
@hateocd123 Yeah see makes me not want to seek therapy if thats what was supposed to happen all along
- Date posted
- 3y
I thought the same thing. I still do sometimes. But it really does help!
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
It helps that acceptance to the uncertainty definitely ! Someone had told me even writing things down in a notebook could help
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Hey man, dont beat yourself up too much about it. Its okay, your strong you got this. Therapy can help my friend, trust me i get the same thoughts when i think well f*ck it ill accept this and that will be it and therapy cant help me because my mind is speaking truth in reality that ocd is trying to keep you stuck ( if that makes sense)
- Date posted
- 3y
❤
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
I cant do anything anymore without my brain dregdging up proof from my past that I was actually trans and didn't know it, and it all seems so plausible. like I said in my last post its unearthing memories that I didn't even know I have. ik this is just ocd tricking me but I feel like I need to review every moment thoroughly bc I have questioned my gender in the past but always concluded that'd I'd happier as a girl (which is true). everything feels so real and it feels like I am just super in denial. also, how do I tell people about this? I made the mistake of confessing to a teacher on a note and only a couple friends of mine understand the thoughts I get, but I don't tell them everything. however its very hard for me to do basic responsibilities like school work and I always end up overwhelmed, so I'm thinking I may need accomdations. I need to get in touch with my counselor but i'm unsure how to explain all of this to her, being that I don't have a diagnosis....also I feel like I can't talk about this with the majority of my friends because gender ocd is rare to have (increasing my doubts) and, at least school-wise, i'm in very accepting environment for lgbtq and I'm afraid they're just gonna tell me to accept myself. I'm scared of doing erp for this because what if I like it (also cant afford therapy). ive also felt very apprehensive around some of my trans friends and classmates because my brain is going crazy asking "what if you're like them?" and I feel so bad and transphobic for these thoughts. i'm genuinely so tired. one of my closest friends died last year, but my father pointed out that my recent mood has been even worse than it was during that time. i tend to bottle up my emotions a lot, so everyone's just telling me to "let it go" and tell people, but if I do that I feel like i'll end up confessing. i'm so tired and lost.
- Date posted
- 23w
I keep having this weird feeling none stop that it’s most likely not HOCD and most my feelings. Like I’ve suffered none stop distress and unwanted thoughts the past few days. But those thoughts after a bit just feel weird not the kind of discomfort but are just their and stale. When I look at a guy I don’t feel anything but my thoughts sometimes compliment his looks or personality which makes me doubt my sexuality. I’ve never felt this weirded out. Because I’ve always been straight and still believe I am but I’ve never even had an emotional connection to someone of the opposite gender in fact. My view of the female body has been ruined with none stop pornography addictions. I don’t believe I’m gay but I feel like it may just be denial instead of HOCD but all my symptoms are literally HOCD. I don’t hate the idea of gay people but I can’t imagine or see my heart going off to like someone of the same sex. I haven’t really had any meaningful real life friends besides online but that also ended a few months ago. My only friend ever online that was my friend for the longest of time was a queer but I never really cared about what he liked. Like yes at some point I did try to challenge him with his own feelings but that didn’t last long I just accepted what he liked and moved on. I’ve never even touched let alone held a long conversation with a female. I’ve always been timid and shy around them but I can just say that towards male as well. The gay feelings feel so real. The thoughts feel a bit natural to me but I don’t want this. But I hate how I can’t just move on and be myself and love women when those thoughts demand attention and an answer. It won’t quit it. If I try to do a compulsion it calms down but it quickly becomes a problem again. I’m lonely I don’t have any friends or past relationships I can even think of helping me with the emotions. I still believe I’m straight and I just can’t see myself with a guy. It just doesn’t feel right for me despite my lack of experiences. I just wanna go back to how I was happy and loving girls and not having to question if it was a real feeling or just my natural timid nature. Everytime I think these distressing thoughts I always just wanna sit down and close my eyes and sleep. Because that’s where I can have peace of self. It sucks but I’m so exhausted of having to deal with emotional distress and I can’t even focus on my job as much. I want to meet new people discover my love for women again but I’m scared in the process I may discover I may be gay. Because deep down I know I wouldn’t ever be happy with myself if my greatest fears where confirmed. My dream of always being a father with a loving women and kids would be torn away by something I never asked for. Yes I’m religious, yes I come from a place that homosexuals are usually seen in a bad light. I just hate feeling this emotion that I may not be what I thought and having my dreams torn apart maybe true. I’ve read MUTIPLE articles about HOCD and seen MUTIPLE videos. I’ve come to the realization that I most likely have it. But it’s still hard when the feelings of maybe being gay maybe true you know? I hope I get better I hope I don’t suffer. I just wanna be happy with myself and loving females and I don’t wanna hate myself for feeling an emotion that never occurred to me more then a few times.
- Date posted
- 20w
I’m sobbing right now. I’m convinced that I’ve been in denial all along and that it’s all real. It has to be now. I don’t wanna be a boy but I feel like there’s no way I’m not one if I’m doing these things. There’s no way I’m a cis girl if I’m doing these things. I’m so fucking done with life I feel absolutely trapped. I don’t wanna be a man but fuuuuuuuuck I think it’s real now I’m so fcking done with living. I really feel like I’ve been using OCD as an excuse/a cover up and I’m scared it’s all a facade. There’s no way it’s not real now I’m literally so fcking scared I want it all to stop. If anyone has advice please send some my way. I need it badly
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