Imaan7
- Date posted
- 3y
hateocd123hateocd123
- Date posted
- 3y
Hey I felt exactly the same as you. Literally exactly. I got therapy from a nocd therapist and I'm doing a hell of a lot better. I'm not saying the every day is easy, I still have low points and question my sexuality every once in a while, but it's not CONSTANTLY on my mind anymore. Hell I had a panic attack yesterday because I got a groinal and Literally ran out of my boyfriend's house crying (he wasn't home). Today I'm back to feeling like myself. The difference between me prior to therapy and now is that I wasn't functioning back then. OCD likes to trick you and make you think there's no light at the end of the tunnel. In the moment it feels extremely real. It all felt real back then. When I go through my little blips like yesterday it feels absolutely 100 percent real. In those moments it feels like my whole life is going to change. I have to come out, leave my boyfriend, marry a women, the whole shabang. And it feels like I want it when it's happening! And then bam I stop panicking and life continues on normally and I'm back to being happy where I am. I don't know if I'm gay, I don't really care because I'm living by my values right now and that's what matters. No one really knows for sure and unfortunately no one will ever be "sure" about anything. Get treatment and THEN decide what you want to do.
Imaan7Imaan7
- Date posted
- 3y
But I think I will want to be gay after i get better, it literally feels like this is the real me that I never realized all these years
Sp1999Sp1999
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@Imaan7 Not giving reassurance but facts that stuff is figured out at a young age but ocd attacks that value thats most important to you, it can make it feel absolutely real but recovery is a process, just like all things it takes time my friend.
Sp1999Sp1999
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@Imaan7 I to have those thoughts , i try not to given into them but let them be there. The less you give ocd that attention the better
Imaan7Imaan7
- Date posted
- 3y
@Sp1999 I dont know man, Although I dont believe it changes but alot of people can realize it later and I think Im one of them. I also think my past attraction to women and wanting a gf was just conditioned into me. Ive never even had a romantic crush or a close female friend, completely forgotten how I used to feel about females. Im so far down the hole of this, or maybe im not and whatever happened to me is a process idk if im making much sense but the anxiety is killing me.
Sp1999Sp1999
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@Imaan7 Have you read into mindfulness? Maybe that can help. But its okay to not know and to not be okay but you are strong, you can pull through this. I find talking about the thoughts allowed sorta helped me ease the anxiety
Sp1999Sp1999
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@Imaan7 I understand bro no worries
hateocd123hateocd123
- Date posted
- 3y
@Imaan7 That's fine if you want to be gay afterwards. It's actually irrelevant to getting treatment
Imaan7Imaan7
- Date posted
- 3y
@hateocd123 Yeah see makes me not want to seek therapy if thats what was supposed to happen all along
run99run99
- Date posted
- 3y
I thought the same thing. I still do sometimes. But it really does help!
Sp1999Sp1999
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
It helps that acceptance to the uncertainty definitely ! Someone had told me even writing things down in a notebook could help
Sp1999Sp1999
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Hey man, dont beat yourself up too much about it. Its okay, your strong you got this. Therapy can help my friend, trust me i get the same thoughts when i think well f*ck it ill accept this and that will be it and therapy cant help me because my mind is speaking truth in reality that ocd is trying to keep you stuck ( if that makes sense)
hateocd123hateocd123
- Date posted
- 3y
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