- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Yes. My son is 3 and I go through all of this. That's why on your last post I really wanted to talk to you on IG or some other way. I have been better but have days where I'm in panic mode. I'm like you where I hyperfocus and if something seems like I may have done it on purpose I spiral bad. That guilt feeling is the worse. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I swear your posts are something I could have typed myself. If you do want to talk please let me know your IG username or some other username you may have. We are so similar
- Date posted
- 3y
Oh my gosh I know exactly how you feel. When I cuddle with my daughters they tend to try to put their feet between my legs to get them warm and I push them away. Or they rest their head near my chest I feel like they need to move away from there. Or unbuckling their car seat my brain says I need to do it very quickly. I hyperfixate and test myself and try to make sure I don’t feel anything at all. Bath time, I give my daughter the wash cloth so she can clean herself up. And the thing is I never feel anything at all, of course! I’m just constantly afraid of it happening. It comes from the fact that I was SA when I was 2 years old, so I constantly fear myself turning into my abuser. I read a few books that have helped a ton, but I know exactly what you’re going through. I see you mama. I know who you are and you’re a good person who loves her children endlessly and would never harm them
- Date posted
- 3y
And when I say test myself, I mean that I am making sure that I’m not feeling anything constantly. Just to clarify
- Date posted
- 3y
Omgosh. Ok so i don't know if you believe in mediums but she said I was sa at 2-3 years old too. I wonder if mine is linked too. She only said it because I always suspected it I'm the same way as you both. It's exhausting to deal with sometimes. I've been better than I was but definitely feeling anxious the last couple days
- Date posted
- 3y
@Maeh24 I don’t want to freak you out but I always suspected it too, and I actually just found out about my SA. My mom told me it was the reason my father had strict court orders to not be able to see me. I literally just found out a few months ago, it was like I always knew it though. I had terrible anxiety my whole life and many other symptoms of a SA child. I think being afraid to harm our kids is our brains way of protecting them from what we may have went through
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- 3y
@Anon1294 *hugs* at least you have some type of confirmation to heal properly. But yes you are probably right about how our brains are just in overdrive of protecting even though we don't need to because we are not harmful
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anon1294 Are you married? Do you also have rocd?
- Date posted
- 3y
@Maeh24 I have a boyfriend of 7 years we have our children together and I love him very much but, I had a short period of rocd last year. I’ve also dealt with SO-OCD for years at a time. I have had various themes throughout my life and a few months ago the POCD showed up, right after learning about the SA
- Date posted
- 3y
@Maeh24 Exactly that’s what I believe it is. Our biggest fear is causing trauma to our children or losing them, so our brain is being extremely hyper vigilant. I compare it to contamination OCD and think to myself it’s like trying to prevent that “deadly illness” by washing my hands over and over….but instead I am constantly pushing my children away to protect them as my compulsion
- Date posted
- 3y
You sound like me. I'm always afraid every time I need to buckle my daughter into her seat, I'm afriad to play with her. Even when she's not in the room, I'm hyper aware of where my hands are. If I'm reaching out to grab something, I'm very nervous, and always think I'm doing something wrong.
- Date posted
- 3y
Please get a therapist that understands OCD and specializes in ERP. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but recovery is possible. It will take time and hard work. I also suggest listening to the NOCD podcast OCD Stories. The host interviews OCD experts and ordinary people who live with OCD.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
Struggling. My mind/OCD told me I had already abused my child by breathing when they were laying across me and that I might as well do something else to hurt them. I had to think for a second, but the only thing that came to mind was to move my elbow towards their groin area to cause a "feeling". Well I did just that, and I ended up grazing their groinal area and it caused a disgusting unwanted feeling. I IMMEDIATELY wanted to throw up and panicked. I also asked my child to move off of me immediately. It went against my morals, beliefs, and values as an individual and mother. I can't stop thinking about it and it's very debilitating. I didn't enjoy a single moment of it. But my question to you guys is am the monster that I've always been scared of being? Do I belong in the ground? Do I deserve to have a wonderful life and wonderful, perfect child?
- Date posted
- 24w
Hi NOCD community, I was hoping to get some advice from fellow sufferers. In December we welcomed the first baby into the family, my beautiful niece. Since then, my POCD has been awful, which I know is probably very normal. Last week, in the middle of a very high stress day in my family, I was changing my niece and as usually happens, I got intrusive thoughts about awful things people do to babies when changing them. The thoughts were so harrowing to have as I was also changing her at the exact same time, and I felt my hands just quickly want to finish patting her dry before putting her nappy on, and for some reason, my heart dropped with that hand movement, because I was afraid that I had acted out the awful thoughts in my head, in a moment of mania because my morals, values and heart do not align with abuse of any kind, especially to children. My niece is my everything, and I know I would never want harm to come to her in any way, shape or form. I love her endlessly. I am having therapy, but have only had a couple of sessions. But, I cannot shake the 'what if'. I am tortured over trying to remember what it was I did that made my heart drop, but I can't, and its getting fuzzier and fuzzier the more I try to remember. Could anyone offer any advice on this please? Thank you.
- Date posted
- 23w
Let me start by prefacing that I developed ocd as postpartum ocd after having my first child. I had harm and pocd. I had it on and off for years and then it just eventually went away completely for many years until recently after a stressful life event. Now that it’s back it again targets my children but now my grandchildren also. It’s been horrible and makes me pull away from them. Last night my 6 year old granddaughter threw up in the car when my daughter was about to take her home so my daughter brought her back in the house and asked me to clean her up while she cleaned her car. I had some anxiety about it because of my ocd but I couldn’t say no to helping so I opened the bathroom door and my granddaughter was standing in her underwear waiting for me to clean and dress her. Everything was fine and normal but then for some reason, I have no idea why, I looked down at her chest area. I immediately got so upset and didn’t know why I looked there and now my ocd is saying it’s because i’m a monster. I tried to tell myself it’s just normal human behavior when someone is standing there naked that you look where you shouldn’t simply because it’s just there in front of you but I feel horrible. I don’t feel any inappropriate way about her or any child but my ocd is saying it was inappropriate. Has anyone else been through this?
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