Please only adults read . . . This is so hard for me to get over. Months ago my husband and I were intimate. I wasn't in the mood but I did it for him since it had been a while. I get pocd intrusive thoughts so I avoid it a lot. This will be tmi but He was touching me for a while and I felt nothing. Wasn't getting in the mood Moments later i got an intrusive of my son's hand being there instead of my husband's. It wasn't an image and it was such a quick thought but I felt something down there. So I was like what?! What does this mean. But I focused to see if the feeling would go away. Then as my husband continued touching me I kept getting more in the mood. And we ended up continuing. I get intrusives happen during and right at the end but before you even get in the mood as your partner is trying to get you in the mood? It doesn't seem right to me.

After having sex for the first time I felt all loved up and wanted to hug partner. I was changing his bedding and walked passed his bed and my Pocd said to make my leg brush past the bed for a feeling over kids and I did it… because I wanted the comfort of the feeling… But why did I do it…. I was feeling hor**/wanting comfort and did it even tho my brain said over children. I’m freaking out help

I spoke with my therapist about intrusivr association ocd thoughts. When i watch porn ocd says the person reminds me of a kid i know or a relative. I told myself repeatedly this is an ocd thougjt its intrusive associations. Multiple times. And i compulsivrly stopped and tried regrounding when the anxiety was too much. My intention was to look at my eofes photo then to look at a woman on pornhub who reminded me of my wife and On the last time i had the intrusive thought of a nephew. I exited the video and went back to my wifes photo and said her name to refocus. Ocd makes me feel guilty flr engaging in sex while having tbat intrusive thought of our nephew and ocd made me doubt “was i thinking of my nephew or was it ocd?” I know its ocd. Its ocd thought number one million. This happens for seven years now when i have sex or watch porn. I know my ocd brain hyperfoxates and worries about grtting intrusivr thoughts during sex so of course ocd is going to semd those intrusivr thougjts sincr my brains hyperworried about it. I know its OCD. I know my intent was to think of my wife and watch the video. Its just engaging in sex while having these intrusive thoughts is very uncomfortable. My therapist said not to stop because its a compulsion. It feels so uncomfortable so i know the intrusive thoughts of the nephew is ego dystonic and the fact inwent back to see my eifes photo and refocsus and say her name repeatedly put lout shows my true intention is to arouse over my wife. I just feel guilty for masterbating while the intrusive thoughts enter my mind. Ocd tries to trick me and say i was thinking of it but i know thats not true. Its my ocd brain hyper worried about getting these intrusive thoughts and them intruding. I often avoid sex and masterbation because of the fear of intruding ocd thoughts so i know its ocd. I cant avoid it or stop. Im doing erp. I recognize its ocd. Yet ocd tries to grt me to ruminate with feelings of guilt ans doubting if its my thoughts or ocd thoughts when i know my intent is to only arouse and think of my wife and i know indont want these thoughts i know its ocd.

My mind is telling me I'm the only one who is dealing with something like this. Idk why I did my biggest BIGGEST fear. I was put on a new medication when this happened which caused me to spiral, my thoughts to be more often, and have insomnia. I have been diagnosed with POCD as well. I woke up in the middle of the night when my child was laying completely cross my chest. I was breathing and having groinal sensations. My mind told me that I assaulted her by this, and I was going to prison for it. My thoughts started going like this, "you're already bad might as well do something else", "no sense in stopping now" "you can finally do what you've always wanted", "what would you do if you could do anything to cause harm" So I had to think of what to do in the moment. The only thing I could think to do was move my elbow towards my child's groin. In the moment it felt like I really wanted to do this. I proceeded to do so, and my elbow touched her groin. I immediately told my child to move off me. I then went back to sleep. When I woke up, I began panicking, confessing to a family member what happened, and crying immensely. I feel like I failed as a mother. I'm in such distress since I started sleeping on the floor to avoid it from happening again, and I got off the medication. I'm so much better OCD wise since I got off the meds. I was the BEST mom months ago before this happened. The thoughts have always bothered me, and I was always scared I would give in and act on them. I'm living my worst nightmare. I feel alone. Felt so so wanted in the moment and SO real. Which I don't understand. Ugh. Could someone just give me some support?