- Username
- KEW915
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Start with small exposures , this looks like a too heavy burden for you
Same i am struggling with questions like… Liking the same sex personality wise emotionally is that false attraction cause of ocd?!? What if its not…and I don’t know if its true or not?!? Like i feel like that?!? And thats like the biggest proof and my fear coming true cause there’s nothing to combat or fight this…how do i know not more than friends? Noticing and stuffing just adds to it? And if its not intrusive and on hangout basis and then everything is true then.. all this ocd was a lie and i was lying to myself and i feel like this thought doesn’t give me anxiety but i feel scared in an overwhelming way and like not anxious like its my truth?! Would i feel better if I accept it whether its true or not?! What do i do?? This can
And also like people coming put in their 70’s and stuff and like idk what to do?!?
Mine is weird like i would have made up the entirety of my personality and my preferences if I was not into men, so I feel like that’s gotta be true. And then I just can’t figure it if I’m bi and where that falls. I genuinely don’t believe I have an interest in being intimate with a woman but the constant amounts of what ifs, and then the occasional groinals, make me feel like I really have to figure it out. AGH
I was told what ifs are a part of ocd and i am struggling with the same too… I don’t know what to do too i constantly think other people won’t question and if i do there has to be some truth to it the thoughts feel so strong idk how to shove them away
it sounds like you're having a hard time because you did such a big exposure. OCD wants you to feel unsafe during exposures which is why we have to do them. we need to show OCD that even during exposures we will not do any compulsions. this is a perfect time to sit with your anxiety and accept that it doesn't need answered. you can't ruminate and get the results you need! maybe you are bisexual, maybe you are not. maybe it is ok to not know right now! you don't have to give OCD any certainty.
I was able to sleep better but being calm takes me down to a spiral. I’m scared, what if I’m bisexual or a lesbian and I’m just lying to myself? What if I like the exposures, what if the exposures become my moment of truth? I feel like my attraction to men is there but it has disappeared. My mind keeps screaming I am lying about being straight and my attraction to men. It makes me feel like I like the idea of being with a woman now. My face smiles, it feels like it’s playing cruel games. I don’t see myself growing old with a woman. I know it’s OCD, but it just feels so real. I have friends and family who would accept me if I were bisexual or a lesbian. But I don’t want to. I feel like I have fed this monster even more fuel with doing mental reviews and googling. It’s like I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’ve struggled with SO-OCD in the past and was able to not think about my sexuality. But this time it just feels so real. I started sertraline yesterday. I know ERP is going to be hard work, but I’m just scared what if I’ve been in denial? I don’t want to lose another part of myself. My heart goes out to the bisexual community and how challenging it may be for them loving two or multiple genders. But I just don’t want to be with a woman. But my mind is telling me I have internalized biphobia. I just don’t want to. I hate this so much.
I was okay today w my bf. Still anxious and numb and a little uncomfortable, but was okay. I’m doing erp watching videos of women explaining comphet (signs you’re lesbian but society makes you think you’re straight) and I feel like I relate to them, even though before it never even crossed my mind and I felt so happy with my bf. So now I don’t know if I was just oblivious and lesbian the whole time, or my ocd is extremely good at trying to trick me. Cause now I’m doubting how “happy” I actually was
I’ve gotten alot better but the past week has been hard. I ended things with this guy who I thought I really liked but he was seeing other people and I couldn’t take it. The cherry on top I had a panic attack and thought I was pregnant. I’m not. Now I’m back to thinking I’m a lesbian. I was talking to my aunt and mom about my future wedding and children and got excited. I feel like I’ll never feel attracted to another man again or never enjoy sex. And then seeking reassurance I went on the nocd page and read a story about a woman who had so ocd that turned out to be queer. And now I feel like this is going to happen to me. I also redownloaded tik tok and I keep getting videos about late bloomer lesbians. It feels like the world is telling me I am. Despite the feelings I just had for this guy I feel like I must be a lesbian and I’m just deeply in denial. It’s coming back and I feel like my attraction to men has always been forced.
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